Bachelor in Paradise: A Little Love and Lots of Break-Ups

Week 5 - Finale

The end is nigh for Paradise and only serious couples are allowed to stay. So begins the mass breakup morning at Playa Escondida! Jack Stone makes an offer to Christen: let's leave Paradise together immediately. Christen puts Jack into the Acquaintance Zone and waves her scallop fingers to say goodbye; he leaves solo. Tickle Monster and Jasmine agree to part ways as if their makeout sessions might have been something bigger. Diggy dumps Dominique to pursue something with Jaimi, who in return ditches Diggy. Dean admits to D.Lo that he's ending things with her because he's in love with Kristina and ruined everything. Well you ruined our viewing experience as well, Dean. Amanda is having flashbacks to last summer in Paradise, where you may recall she got engaged with sweaty douchebag Josh. She's not ready to continue on with Robby's unwavering hair and she ends their summer fling, shocking him.

The mass exodus of people who came for the open bar and airtime ends with three couples choosing to pursue their relationships further. Derek and Taylor are Paradise's supercouple of the season and the sexy times impending is a big deal for their love story. No one probably expected Daniel and Lacey to last until the end of this show, but here we are watching these two weirdos agree to date after the show and exchanging "falling for yous" before accepting a Fantasy Suite card. Break out the creepy Canadian flag Speedo! Adam tells Raven he feels he could fall in love with her and is optimistic about their relationship, but Raven's is resistant to let her guard fully down and has hesitation about going to the Fantasy Suite.

Cut to the live audience reunion where the cast looks so bothered to be forced to attend. Almost as bothered I am that they cut the regular end of Paradise to force us into watching a reunion. Dean takes all the blame between Kristina and D.Lo, but still pursued a relationship with Danielle after the show and is trying to restart things with Kristina. Amanda and Robby ended up dating after they broke up on the show because they had different expectations, but rumors say skeezy Robby cheated on Amanda and he denies. Lacey and Daniel are dunzo after he admitted he was lying about his feelings. Raven and Adam did end up going to the Fantasy Suite and are still dating and in love. Then Adam gets to meet Raven's parents who are in the audience because everyone loves a good setup. Wrapping up the season, Derek and Taylor come out to the hot seat and Derek proposes to Taylor and she says yes. Bachelor in Paradise is really going to surpass The Bachelor success rate. It's hilarious.

[All images credited to ABC]

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Bachelor in Paradise: Twin and Out

Week 4 - Night 2

Jaimi from Nick's season (quelle surprise) is dubbed the "wildcard" because she's bisexual so she could ask anyone on a date. The speculation is much bigger than the actual result, as Jaimi asks Diggy out on her date to sip margaritas in town and discuss that she's attracted to people, not gender. Dominique is a little upset because her relationship with Diggy was starting to grow.

Double trouble rolls into Paradise in the form of The Twins, Emily and Haley. They have their eyes on Derek and Dean and look forward to creating drama with their double date card. Since Derek is extremely taken, Haley decides to take out serial killer Jack Stone. Emily demands Dean come on the date but gets declined twice, asking out Tickle Monster as her backup. Jack Stone last minute decides he'd rather spend time with Christen than be a fallback for the twins. The twins get pissed, leave Paradise, and angrily throw scallops.

All the happy couples have their check-in so we can recall that this is allegedly about finding love. Derek and Taylor are still steady and have the starting-to-feel-love discussion. Jack Stone thinks Christen is marriage material. Dean and D.Lo can openly explore their connection. Robby's feels for Amanda are as unwavering as his hair. Adam hopes to keep the momentum with Raven going. But Chris Harrison makes a daytime visit with a big announcement: this is the last day of Paradise. OH SNAP!

[All images credited to ABC]

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Bachelor in Paradise: Jack Stone is a Good Kisser

Week 4 - Night 1

Blake, the guy who hates Whaboom and still won't stop talking about it, comes to Paradise and no one is very receptive to him and his sweat glands. Blake invites Kristina on his date but she declines given her unique romantic conundrum (and lack of interest in Blake). Christen ends up accepting the date with Blake. The women are more receptive to Fred, the guy who Rachel knew as a kid, who shows up shortly after Blake. Eventhough Dominique has a thing with Diggy, she accepts Fred's invite. Blake, Christen, Dominique, and Fred go on a group date together on speed boat while Christen nearly barfs on the boat and then almost loses a contact. Dominique and Fred have a blast, but Diggy is nervous about where he stands if the couple hit it off. The last date of the week is for Robby and Amanda to get all cutesy at a street carnival and then light off fireworks low enough to nearly kill the attendees.

Some gossip is spreading around Paradise that Jack Stone is a bad kisser. Jasmine, the self-proclaimed Queen of Paradise, earlier kissed Tickle Monster because she was intrigued. Well Jack is no exception and if anything, maybe she can help. A few shots later, Jasmine smooches Jack and he's a good kisser. Soon enough, Jack's a hot makeout commodity, kissing D.Lo and Raven. So world, please know that Jack Stone is a certified good kisser.

Chris Harrison shows up mid-day to announce there's no new arrivals coming and the Rose Ceremony is that very night. Time for all the guys to hustle to get the ladies' roses. Ben Z decides to stop the hustle and decides to leave since he hasn't found a romantic connection. This is great news for his dog! Diggy puts his feelings for Dominique out there, with them playing a Q&A game that lets Diggy grab a kiss to show his interest. Christen learns from bartender Wells that everyone calls her "Scallop Fingers" and can't understand the persecution for taking home leftovers. Fish fandom be damned, Christen is high in demand in Paradise with three guys hoping to receive her rose (Jack Stone, Tickle Monster, Blake).

If you viewers are as tired of the Dean triangle, sounds like everyone living in Paradise is over Dean's antics. Dean's guilty when he finds out Kristina saw his pool frolic session with Kristina. D.Lo is also tired of being the other woman. Dean finally makes a decision and after stringing Kristina on for weeks, he chooses D.Lo. Kristina is pissed and goes to Raven for advice and reassurance. Raven tells Kristina to not be mad at D.Lo; Dean's the player. But Kristina doesn't want to hear her friend take D.Lo's side, when Kristina holds both D.Lo and Dean accountable. Bartender Wells offers the sage wisdom Kristina needs, proving to be a wonderful fill-in for Jorge.

The Rose Ceremony begins with the obvious roses: Lacey/Daniel, Taylor/Derek, Amanda/Robby, and Raven/Adam. Now onto the more suspenseful choices. Dominique gives her rose to Diggy over Fred. Queen of Paradise Jasmine, a total wildcard, extends her rose to Tickle Monster. Christen isn't pursued by Blake's attempts at a scallop bribe; she chooses Jack Stone. So now comes the big question: who will Dean accept a rose from? Kristina gets to the podium first and gives a speech about wanting to be valued and put first in a future relationship, so she does not give out her rose and leaves Paradise. Dean looks down in shame and offers to walk Kristina out and apologize for the 80th time. Dean heads back to the Rose Ceremony and then accepts the final rose of the evening from D.Lo. Fred and Blake end their one-day vacation in Paradise leaving no impact to the point that I'll forget they were even on this show tomorrow.

[All images credited to ABC]

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Bachelor In Paradise: Tickle Time

Week 3 - Night 2

Picking up from the prior night, Daniel the Canadian (not shown: Canadian flag speedo) arrives just in time to play Rose Ceremony hero for Christen or Jasmine. But Daniel actually ends up being the hero for Lacey, who has allegedly been awaiting his arrival. Definitely a surprise considering how horrible their conversation went. Jack Stone gives his rose to Christen and then special guest Matt re-appears from the sidelines to give Jasmine his rose before departing... again. The Rose Ceremony remains on course with all the couplings, with some alleged suspense with the triangles. Adam chooses Raven over Sarah, Dean picks Kristina instead of D.Lo, and Ben Z can't pick his dog since he's not in Mexico so he chooses D.Lo. Great, let this Dean triangle drag on forever! Sadly, we lose Sarah and Alexis, the life of the party. Pour out a marg for the Shark/Dolphin queen.

Everyone's hangover sleep is interrupted when a Mexican wrestlers raid the house to drop off Daniel's date card. Daniel ultimately chooses Lacey for their wrestling date, complete with shiny costumes and a BIP Championship belt. When they return to the resort and get cozy, Jasmine interrupts and takes Daniel away. Jonathan the Tickle Monster strolls in Paradise with a date hard in his left hand, and the right hand ready for a good squeeze. He hits it off immediately with Christen, and after a kiss they head out on a date together. Turns out, the Tickle Monster has less creepy things in his life like being an actual doctor and surfer. Christen and Tickle seem to hit it off, but Jack Stone snags her again and gets a kiss. And then it's back to this Dean nonsense. As you may recall from every other episode thus far, Kristina feels like Dean is pulling away. Despite wanting to keep things going with Kristina, he still continues to flirt with Danielle right in front of Kristina. Kristina is miserable and crying and says her orphanage is better than Paradise. Well put that in the promos!

Much like last week, the show cuts to an in studio special to interview Corinne about her side of the production shut down, and then trying to balance their heaviness with tone deaf segments about all the fun in Paradise. Pass.

[All images credited to ABC]

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Bachelor in Paradise: The Queen of Paradise vs. Scallop Fingers

Week 3 - Night 1

Alexis plays a game called "What's That Going In Your Mouth?" with Jack Stone which is not as dirty as you'd expect until she tries to put a dead crab in his mouth. If there was any possible match before, it's as dead as that crab now.

Christen the Virgin arrives in Paradise and makes a romantic assassination attempt on Jasmine the self-dubbed Queen of Paradise: Christen invites Matt on her date. Matt wants to accept the invitation because he hopes to get the most of this experience (making out with several women), so Jasmine passive aggressively gives the OK. Breaking the third wall, Jasmine tells the cameras she's going to give TV and heads to the bedroom to confront Christen who amounts to pretty much nothing but calling Christen "slimy" and the girls nicknaming Christen "Scallop Fingers" due to her to-go dining habits. Christen and Matt leave the resort to get chocolate covered bananas, hopefully from a Bluth Company franchise, and buy bathing suits (and kiss in the water). They return from their nice date to find Jasmine ready to pummel him in kisses to stake her territory and everyone secretly laughing at Scallop Fingers eating shrimp. This is actual life and also half of the episode.

Robby is still intent on courting Amanda and interrupts a rousing game of Scattegories to surprise her with a hot tub full of glow sticks. While appreciative of the gesture, Amanda is clearly not super into Robby. The triangles are still in full force and going nowhere. Adam is choosing between Sarah and Raven, while Dean continues to mess with Kristina's head while wanting to pursue Danielle AKA D.Lo. Taylor and Derek are Paradise's supercouple but encounter their first fight over their communication which makes Taylor reconsider their whole relationship. 

It's Rose Ceremony time and the men hold all the cards (or roses, whatever). But Chris Harrison teases some sort of twist, so freaks for a minute before returning to the moment to acquire a rose. Adam likes how Raven challenges him, but also appreciates how transparent Sarah is with her feelings. Lacey tells Diggy she was upset he didn't consult her before he accepted a date with Dominique, then Lacey gets more upset when he confirms he's not her the rose. Dean tells Kristina how fascinating she is one minute, then minutes later is telling Danielle how he's infatuated by her. Oh and kissing both. C'mon, Dean you're killing us. After showering Amanda with more trinkets from a Mexican gift, Robby gets a kiss from Amanda. Derek apologizes for crossing a boundary with Taylor and they make amends. Matt's completely stressed by the situation of Paradise and a lot of other nonsense that comes with being on this show so he decides he'd like to leave. Jasmine is upset and the end of her summer fling, while Christen has no idea how she'll get a rose. There's only one hope for a rose: Jack Stone. Jasmine and Christen both talk to Jack, but only one goes for the smooch. The Queen of Paradise may be dethroned unless she can find a good ally. Will the introduction of Daniel the Canadian be her saving grace?

[All images credited to ABC]

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Bachelor in Paradise: Paradise's Bartenders Save the Day

Week 2 - Night 2

This week the men are in control at the Rose Ceremony, so the women hope to keep up their connections. Except new girls are here! 

Sarah from, you guessed it, Nick's season walks down in her floral romper and hugs the Nick reject squad. The girls want Sarah to date Ben, but he won't STFU about his dog. Sarah invites Adam on her date after Raven says she's cool with it, but really Raven is far from OK. Sarah and Adam go on the usual Paradise date of drinking margaritas and dancing. It's a great time which makes Adam more torn about who will receive his rose.

Lacey gets a date card but wants a romantic date, not a trip to the friend zone. After asking basically everyone, she settles on Diggy, the guy who like one day ago kissed her so maybe she should've followed that thought sooner. This date is presented by Jorge's Tourges, the travel venture of the show's former bartender. Teased on the date card as a visit to the "most romantic place," the trio go on a horseback riding adventure ending at the very beach where Jorge was conceived. Add this to my bucket list travel destinations. It's a successful romantic date that all comes crashing down quickly when Dominique from, let's say it together say it all together, Nick's season arrives. Her sights were set on Diggy and her friend Taylor confirms they'd be a good match. Diggy heads off for his second date of the day, which might just be a different area of the hotel they're staying at, admitting to Dom that he didn't really connect with Lacey. Diggy and Dominique definitely connect, making their way for romantic hot tub time. Lacey is not pleased and in tears, partially blaming Taylor for playing matchmaker. Love is fleeting in Paradise.

Danielle M isn't really feeling anyone in Paradise except for Wells the Bartender, but he's here to sling the drinks not chug them and aimlessly hook up. Turns out, they went on a date four years ago but chose to remain friends. Given that her love prospects are a flop and she got an amazing opportunity to do charity work in Africa, Danielle M chooses to leave Paradise. Everyone is disappointed to see Danielle M leave, especially someone who came to Mexico to find love. Before she leaves, Danielle heads over to the bar to say goodbye to Wells. Wells takes a break and walks Danielle out, and gives her a big ol' kiss. It's like a movie! Or a reality show. Could love have been lingering in Paradise for Danielle all along? We'll have to wait and see in a non-reality show setting, I suppose.

The last hour of the episode is a Demario/Corinne special, allowing some of the cast and both sides to speak about what went down that day that ended up shutting down production. And because this show truly is tone deaf, in the middle of this very special episode to address a serious subject, they bring newlyweds Evan and Carly out to have a sonogram on stage. I can't even.

[All images credited to ABC]

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Bachelor in Paradise: Highs and D-Lo's

Week 2 - Night 1

The women are dying for attention since the guys have turned Paradise into a frat party bro down. In comes Adam and he's ready to date, inviting Raven to join him for margaritas at a local restaurant. Raven explains her high hopes coming to Paradise, unsure of her options of Ben Z and Adam. Meanwhile, Adam did initially express some interest in Kristina but she declined due to her connection with Dean. Problem is, Dean is being real cagey and it's frustrating Kristina.

The Rose Ceremony is actually finally going to happen, but there's the cocktail party first for some last minute connecting/campaigning. Raven's totally torn between dog lover Ben and Adam, who gets a pre-Rose Ceremony kiss. Sweaty Robbie decides to pursue Amanda, but she declines his invitation for a kiss. Alex thought he was a shoo-in for Amanda's rose before, but not desperately seeking out someone to give him a rose. Lacey was really down at the beginning of the episode, but a smooch sesh with Diggy seems to turn her spirits around. While their road was a little rocky, it sees Jasmine and Matt are back on track. Dean requests from Kristina that they slow down, allowing her to make a Rose Ceremony decision and pursue more options.

Chris Harrison comes out to remind everyone the goal of Bachelor in Paradise is love and no one audibly laughs in his face. The women are handing out the roses and here's the breakdown: Taylor/Derek, Jasmine/Matt, Raven/Adam, Alexis/Jack Stone, Lacey/Diggy, Danielle/Ben, Kristina/Dean, Amanda/Robbie. Leaving Paradise are Iggy, Alex, St. Nick, and Vinny.

Danielle L aka D-Lo is the first new girl to enter the scene and the guys are all like ow-oooooo-ga! Kristina's simmers with rage when Dean accepts D-Lo's date invitation to ride ATVs while wearing extremely ripped jeans. Kristina wonders where the Dean who came with her to Kentucky went. Well currently, kissing D-Lo at a scenic overlook. Dean and Kristina talk about his date, admitting they kissed. But both admit they missed each other during the day, glad they can be open and honest with each other. Just when things seem peachy keen with them, Dean gets up and surprises D-Lo a half birthday cake. Aw hell no. Kristina walks off the beach to her bed in tears.

[All images credited to ABC]

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Bachelor In Paradise: Happily Evan After

Week 1 - Night 2

While Bachelor in Paradise's production was shut down, the show sort of went on. Evan and Carly, who met on the show last summer, are getting married and of course the cameras are there to capture it all in front of their friends, family, and Bachelor franchise alums. These two quirky goofballs are adorable and what we all need, not to mention a reminder that Bachelor in Paradise has produced the same number of marriages as The Bachelor itself and likely to overtake it soon. Not only are they married by Chris Harrison, but they are married by the shaman that was part of their date last year. It's delightful and I'm so happy for these two.

Production resumes on Bachelor in Paradise and of the cast has returned, sans Corinne and Demario. Chris Harrison corrals the gang for a pow wow and discussion of what went down. Apparently, an outside firm was hired to look at all video footage and interview the cast and staff to determine if anything inappropriate occurred. The cast is adamant that producers don't force them to do or say anything, particularly forcing them to drink alcohol. They feel bad about the awful things the public said about Demario and Corinne, especially an unfair depiction of Demario. The cast also admits they think race played a part in this, concerned about the long-term implications for Demario from this scandal. The cast also didn't like the "slut shaming" of Corinne. Consent is discussed, also when alcohol is involved. Chris Harrison asks the cast if they want to be here and it's a unanimous yes. So the show goes on.

The Rose Ceremony that was supposed to happen before is going to finally happen (but not tonight). The cast splits into a group of guys and girls to rehash who they have/haven't connected with as either audience exposition or a claiming process. Even outside of filming, Derek/Taylor and Dean/Christina continued talking and connecting. Derek and Taylor get a date card and their relationship only grows stronger on their dinner among the candles. Christina wants to solidify her and Dean before others start to join the cast, but he's also putting up a wall between them (metaphorically of course). Jasmine and Matt are good-ish, but Jasmine is more interested in them being an official couple and Matt's more open to pursuing options. And then other connections fizzled fast, particular Alex and Amanda who were over before it even got screentime but he's not taking the hint, despite people telling him talk to someone else. Amanda stresses that she'd only be giving him a friendship rose. Lacey left Paradise due to a death but the production halt lets her return, and she's having a hard time finding a connection. By the end of the episode, everyone's crying. But we won't know any choices this week because, shocker, no Rose Ceremony again!

[All images credited to ABC]

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Bachelor in Paradise: Hello Paradise, Farewell Jorge

Week 1

Are you ready for the most awkward season of Bachelor in Paradise? A shoeless Chris Harrison tries to explain this is meant to be summer fun and to find love (ehh), but there was the major scandal that happened and they're going to address it.

The cast of mostly Rachel, JoJo, and Nick's rejects assemble and sip drinks by my beloved Jorge the Bartender. True to form, Alexis the dolphin lover arrives in her shark costume and ready to celebrate. Demario arrives hoping for a new beginning of being on reality TV without a girlfriend, so he has to make inroads with the girls upset about his experience with their friend Rachel. Corinne arrives with champagne in hand and her season rival shows up too, which seems to round of the Rejected by Nick Posse. Amanda Stanton is all about returns, both to Paradise and giving the show back her engagement ring.

Before the dates begin, we are faced with a Paradise break-up: Jorge is leaving to run his business Jorge's Tour-ges, and no long will be bartender. Instead of hiring a real bartender, they bring in Wells from JoJo's season to take his place. Jorge, you will be missed.

Love, or probably lust, is already in the air of the Playa Escondida. Everyone has their eyes on Dean, but he hits it off  Christina. They bond over their complex family dynamics and attend the first date of the summer, chatting and dancing to mariachi music. This makes Danielle M disappointed, receiving a pep talk from bartender hottie Wells and eventually talking to Jack Stone. Demario and Corinne get very flirty on day one, but he also has interest in Alexis. Jasmine is smooched by "St" Nick and his Santa beard, but his drunken antics push her away into the arms of Matt. Matt loosens up a bit on his date when they dress him up and have him perform in a drag show. Taylor wants a guy who can build a fire, and Derek flips houses and can put logs on a fire so that's good enough. Iggy's romance with Lacey is short-lived after she needs to depart Paradise due to death in the family. Raven gets invited on a Ski-Doo date by day two arrival Robbie, JoJo's runner-up in the mintiest green shirt he could find and dragging a suitcase full of swimsuits. Raven isn't feeling him and laughs about him talking about being an "influencer" on the date. This is good news for Ben Z who likes Raven, though a fraction of the like he has for his dog.

The first Rose Ceremony arrives and the eight women have the power and four dudes are about to be eliminated. Derek and Taylor's relationship heats up with a kiss. Ben Z stops talking about his dog for a few moments to kiss Raven. The night seems to be going well and then a Producer pulls aside Corinne, then Demario. The crew puts down the cameras and production is halted. Not shocked they used this as a cliffhanger.

[All images credited to ABC]

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