Serving of the Week

Name: Spooky Buddies

SERVED: After a night out with friends, I hopped into bed to catch up on Grey's Anatomy on Comcast OnDemand. This version doesn't allow fast forwarding but has some commercials throughout. It's a good trade-off because I can still watch it on TV. That is until you see the same commercials over and over... and over. The one that irked me the most: Spooky Buddies.

Good god this movie looks like shit. First of all, when did technology decide to make the puppies' mouths move? I long for the Look Who's Talking Now days of animal voiceovers and mouths not moving. SERVED. Second, these aren't even very cute golden retriever puppies. If you're going to make a puppy movie, pick the cutest puppies ever. SERVED. Most of all, I hate the commercials. Make it stop. These direct to DVD movies are god awful and a disgrace to the legacy of that original awesome Air Bud dog. My greatest fear is one day having a child that sees a movie like this and then I'd be forced to watch shit like this all year round, non-stop, regardless of holiday. Shame on the people who put money into this crap. SERVED.

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Serving of the Week

Name: The Emmy-tones

SERVED: The Emmy Awards I thought was actually full of entertainment and fantastic wins (Kyle Chandler! Friday Night Lights writing! Modern Family!). Unfortunately, some morons at Fox came up with the "genius idea" to have actors and actresses from several popular shows (and Wilmer Valderrama) perform as an acapella group to announce the categories. Holy awful. It was corny beyond belief and needs to be SERVED despite the talented actors in it (sorry, not you Wilmer Valderrama). Hey Emmys, use your writers to come up with non-lesbian jokes and better winner introductions instead of stupid interlude songs.

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Serving of the Week

Name: Ali Lohan's new face

SERVED: WTF is that alien facade staring deeply into my soul? Oh wait, that is Ali Lohan's new "natural" face. Natural on what planet? There is no way that tan, freckly Jersey girl ditched her that faced and turned into this trainwreck by the grace of puberty. Ali was OK before, not a stunner or anything but a cute kid, and now she looks like some frightening thing that should be in Mac and Me. SERVED. SERVED for doing this kind of surgery to a CHILD, SERVED to the modeling agency who thinks this is good looking, and SERVED to Dina Lohan as usual for being a terrible parent shoving her kids into the limelight. Ali's plastic surgery is so bad itmakes Heidi Montag's look natural.

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

Photo Credit: Dlisted

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Serving of the Week

Name: Hurricane Irene

SERVED: Hurricane Irene, or for my area Tropical Storm Irene, has been a thorn in the side of the east coast the past few days. First, storm coverage interrupted my soaps. SERVED! Don't you realize there is merely a month of All My Children left, Hurricane Irene?! Then, I head to the grocery store after work to get supplies for banana pudding. The place is ransacked! The lines are crazy, there's hardly any bottled water left. SERVED! I am SERVING Hurricane Irene for giving us all a miserable weekend, particularly to all the people that this storm has affected much worse than me. Stupid hurricanes. SERVED.

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Serving of the Week

Name: Gerard Depardieu

SERVED: There is nothing worse than waiting on the tarmac for your plane to take off. You can't listen to your iPod, can't walk around, can't get up to go to the bathroom. French actor Gerard Depardieu wasn't taking the "no bathroom" thing week.

Depardieu was on a delayed flight from Paris to Dublin and needed to use the restroom. Because you can't get up while trafficking, the flight attendant told him no. Well no isn't something you tell the star of My Father, The Hero and Depardieu whipped it out and peed in the aisle. SERVED. C'mon, that is disgusting and while humorous just sooo gross. If they tell you no and you have to go, why not just run down the aisle to the bathroom and not just pee in the aisle? There's different stories now like he's drunk, he has a bladder problem. I don't know but peeing in an aisle is just nasty. SERVED.

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Serving of the Week

Name: Lawon, Big Brother 13

SERVED: Lawon is going to look back on this past week forever and say, "I made a huge mistake." With a twist looming in the air that the evicted houseguest might have a chance to re-enter the game, Lawon stupidly volunteered to go on the block thinking he'd easily return to the Big Brother house with a game-changing power. He was wrong.

Instead, Lawon got unanimously evicted and wasn't getting back into the house easily. He actually had to compete against evicted houseguest Brendon and well, guess who got SERVED? Oh Lawon, this has to go down as one of the top five dumbest moves in Big Brother history. SERVED.

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Serving of the Week

Name: Samantha Ronson

SERVED: Celebrity DJ Samantha Ronson, mostly known for dating perennial trainwreck Lindsay Lohan, gets SERVED this week for being pulled over for drinking under the influence. You'd think dating such a drunk mess would teach you that sometimes it's OK to call a cab or wait around for a few hours to sober up before you drive. But on top of the SERVING for the DUI, let's SERVE SamRo for this goofy mugshot. It's like the police officer asked her to make her best ugly face. SERVED.

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

Photo Credit: TMZ

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Serving of the Week

Name: Ben Affleck

SERVED: Last week I SERVED Robert Pattison for a stupid-ass haircut, but learned this week on Fashion Police that it's for a role so it's half acceptable now. However, I highly doubt that Ben Affleck has been given the role of Justin Bieber in a scripted version of Never Say Never. WTF are you thinking, Ben? This haircut looks stupid on a 17 year old, let alone a 40something. SERVED for looking like a doofus.

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

Photo Credit: Dlisted

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Serving of the Week

Name: Robert Pattison

SERVED: While you think I'd be SERVING Twilight for being at Comic-Con when it clearly shouldn't be there (nor should Glee), I'm SERVING dreamboat Robert Pattison. Why? THIS HAIRCUT. WTF? Did you cut your hair in a darkened bathroom while summoning the Candyman? SERVED.

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

Photo Credit: Dlisted

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Serving of the Week

Name: Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony

SERVED: If these two can't last, can any of us find love? That's right everybody, Jennifer Lopez and Marc "Skeletor" Anthony are getting a divorce. This is truly a sad day. J/K, LOL. I'd like to think this divorce happened because Marc though Jennifer was a horrible American Idol judge. Or that Jennifer was like "You always look dead!" and he's like "This is how I always look!" Either way, this marriage is SERVED.

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

Photo Credit: Today.MSN.com

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Serving of the Week

Name: Worst Driver in the Netherlands

SERVED: Hosting a TV show seems like a pretty good gig. You come out, read a few lines, get paid a ton. Someone needs to give Ruben Nicolai a raise.

The host of Worst Driver in the Netherlands was involved in an accicdent on a recent episode when some terrible driver fudged up the course. A contestant, known as Mr. Pim, took his eyes off the road (and by that I mean turned his head totally the wrong way), veered off the course since he hit gas instead of brake, and hit the cameraman and show's host. Nicolai was taken to the hospital with a torn lip and sore shoulder and foot. Good lord, Worst Driver in the Netherlands. Did you never think that maybe putting the host near a bunch of shitty drivers might backfire? SERVED! This is what happens when you put poor drivers out of the road, even if it's a simulated course.

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Photo Credit: Orange News

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Serving of the Week

Name: Deep Fried Kool Aid Balls

SERVED: This week's SERVING can also be SERVED to you. Earlier this week the big news in food was some fried food vendor at carnivals creation. He also deep fries Oreos and frog legs, which seems like normal deep fried fare. But seriously, Kool Aid? It's just drink powder. Are we that desperate for things to try? I mean, I'd probably try one for the hell of it but I've gotta give this a SERVING for being so absurd and so white trashey.

Honorable Mention: Whitey Bulger, who was finally caught after 16 years on the LAM. This really should've been the real SERVING, but Jamie emailed me about 5 minutes after I finished Kool Aid balls and I was tired of using my brain.

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

Photo Credit: Dlisted

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Serving of the Week

Name: Crystal Harris

SERVED: Remember when Hugh Hefner dumped his main piece Holly, dated twins, and then got engaged to some twenty-something? Well it's over. What a coincidence that Crystal Harris ended the relationship a day or so before her July Playboy cover was released and her new single dropped on iTunes. SERVED. What a gold-digging, fame-seeking hoe. It's sad that Hugh still buys that this young chicks are digging him, but it's sadder for some young girl to bang some vulnerable old man just to get your foot into the door. SERVED.

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

Photo Credit: Dlisted

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Serving of the Week

Name: Congressman Anthony Weiner

SERVED: I think I should literally copy and paste last week's SERVING of the Week and change the name to Anthony Weiner, the congressman texting/Facebooking pics of his... wiener. Yes, the man with the last name "Weiner" is in a penis scandal. SERVED. I don't think I need to recap the whole saga (Democrats want him to resign, wife could be pregnant, etc.) but here's my advice to anyone with nudie pics of themselves: DON'T SEND THEM. Delete now. Keep it to yourself or you're gonna get SERVED.

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or null.

Photo Credit: Dlisted

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Serving of the Week

Name: Blake Lively

SERVED: There comes a time when every young starlet gets her iPhone hacked and photos leaked. Those photos are, of course, nudie photos and this week my SERVING goes to Gossip Girl star Blake Lively.

First off, if you know that every celebrity's phone gets hacked at some point and shit leaks, why are you taking nude photos of yourself? SERVED. Shit, I'm not even famous or in jeopardy of leaking pics but you'll never catch me snapping nudie pics on my cell phone. Second, denying it. Bitch, that's YOU. Blake and her people are denying it, claiming it's someone who looks just like Blake Lively. Girl, I can't even buy an Erica Kane doppelganger being written on All My Children, but you want me to believe some girl looks 100% like Blake Lively and leaked naked photos just for fun? That she even went and applied temporary tattoos to match the ones she had in The Town? SERVED. Nice try Blake. As my dad pointed out, smart move denying it cause we're allll talking about it.

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or null.

Photo Credit: Dlisted

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Serving of the Week

Name: Arnold Schwarzenegger

SERVED: When we were on vacation 2 weeks ago a friend checked into the news on her iPhone and said "Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria null are getting divorced." We were all surprised, null, and I made a comment that they obviously stayed together until he left his governor's office. Well I guess I was wrong, because according to the news this week, Maria left Arnold for the soapiest of reasons.

It seems while married to Maria, Arnold had some null with the housekeeper. Oh and the housekeeper had his secret love child! Over 10 years ago! And, AND, it turns out that the love child was born merely days after his youngest child with Maria was born. Oh man Arnold, SERVED. SERVED for being a cheater, SERVED for cheating with someone who cleans your house for you, and SERVED for knocking her up while your wife was pregnant too. And an honorary SERVING to the media for all the "Terminator" and other Schwarzenegger movie headlines- enough you null freaks!

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or null.

Photo Credit: Hark.com

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Serving of the Week

Name: Kerry Campbell AKA Botox Mom

SERVED: I really didn't know who to SERVE this week since I've been at Disney World and SERVING the ride at the Mexico pavillion in Epcot seemed to be not-so-great. Thankfully, I caught up on my real news at Dlisted and read about Botox Mom on Good Morning America. Yes this mom injects her 8-year old daughter with Botox for pageants. This is repulsive. You need a SERVING for cruelty and stupidity. She's a child and kids are adorable as they are! Some wise viewers called child protection on Kerry for her amazing parenting skills so perhaps justice will SERVE this crazy pageant mom.

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

Photo Credit: Dlisted

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Serving of the Week

Name: Donald Trump

SERVED: It's amazing that a man whose been bankrupt several times, a multiple-divorcee, and has a joke of a hairstyle can be such an arrogant dick. For weeks there's been mumblings that Donald Trump, he of gaudy golden home furnishings and "You're fired!" Celebrity Apprentice fame, might run for President of the United States. Yes, the guy who can't keep a casino profitable wants to run the country. SERVED. He won't confirm or deny this, but he will go on any news channel to bitch and moan about Obama's birth certificate. Seriously, get over it. Tired of his bitching, the birth certificate was finally released by this turd still won't shut up. I'd say I could SERVE him for all the reasons, but thanks to this week's White House Correspondents Dinner, Obama was able to give this buffoon the SERVING he deserves. Oh, and Sunday's broadcast of The Celebrity Apprentice was interrupted, only to not air until over an hour later, to deliver a presidential address. (note: I wrote this post far before the press conference, so don't mind it being kiiiinda dated)

Honorary mention (but what should be the true SERVING): Osama Bin Laden. Quite frankly, he should be the main serving, but I don't want his image on my blog. I don't need that visage haunting readers, even with a SERVED over his face. The press conference came extremely late, but the news reported that Osama Bin Laden is dead and they have his body. I am glad that perhaps some rest goes out to the families and victims of 9/11. While our world always sits on some sort of unrest, it is a relief to have some resolution to one of the greatest American tragedies.

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

Photo Credit: Heckler Spray

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Serving of the Week

Name: Antoine Dodson

SERVED: Antoine Dodson became an overnight cultural phenomenon after his larger than life personality shone through on a news piece about his sister being attacked in her apartment. The clip was viral, his face on t-shirts, a #1 Halloween costume, and Autotune the News turned his interview into a #1 single, garnering him enough to buy a home for his family. This week dear Antoine is getting SERVED for being pulled over by the police and being charged with speeding, failing to appear on a previous traffic charge, failing to have insurance and marijuana possession. Wait, you've made all this money and still don't have car insurance? SERVED. Just because you're a minor internet sensation doesn't mean you're above the law. As Antoine would say, "you are dumb. for real." Hide yo kids, hide yo wife cause I'm SERVIN' errbody up in herr.

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

Photo Credit: TMZ

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Serving of the Week

Name: Brian Frons, President of ABC Daytime Television

SERVED: This week marked the end of an era, as it was announced All My Children and One Life to Live would air their final episodes in September and January, after 40+ years on air. We can thank the murder of a genre on the president at the helm, Brian Frons, who has spent years trying to eliminate the soaps. Instead of daytime dramas, we'll be forced to endure two more View clones focusing on food and health/wellness. I'm here to SERVE Brian Frons for ruining a legacy. I'm a business person, so I understand money and profits, but cancelling two soaps in one day (one of which that operates under budget, is cold-blooded). Was there ever even a consideration to do 4 episodes a week to cut costs, or how about 30 minutes instead of an hour? That's right- you didn't want to try. I'd like to know what "younger viewers" are going to tune into talk shows about food or wellness; I'd guess no. Brian Frons, you are the murderer of a legacy passed down over generations and I hope your talk shows fail and you end up unemployed. SERVED.

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

Photo Credit: IMDB

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