Reality Rundown: The Glass House has a Winner

Finale! The Glass House • So You Think You Can Dance

Finale! The Glass House - Jeffrey tips Erica off that Kevin has a long-term friend with benefits at home.  Erica isn't getting the hint that Kevin isn't interested, probing for my info on the kinda girlfriend.  Yup, she cray.  The alliance of three (and even Jeffrey) decide to try to get Erica to implode and get the viewers to turn on her, letting her get really drunk while they fake the funk.  Drunk Erica starts her ramblings, asking why Kevin "shits on her all the time" and leads her on, starts crying when Kevin straight-up rejects her, and thinks she deserves the money for liking everyone.  It appears "put a baby in you" is a joke Erica takes seriously which is pretty hysterical.  Andrea tries to console Erica, who then says Andrea is a "conniving little snake in a peasant dress."  Erica thinks Kevin is just downplaying feelings in front of the others to look cool, so Kevin dodges the conversation and explains they need to keep cool for votes.  Yay drunk Erica, you so fun!

Mike and Erica enter the Limbo tubes to see who is heading down the tube to loserdome.  It's Mike, again, no surprise there.  From there, the final four compete in one last challenge; the winner is guaranteed a finale spot while the others will face the vote.  Everyone gets hooked to zip lines and fly across puzzle pieces and assemble said pieces on a pyramid.  Jeffrey makes weird wookie noises as he zips in terror, Erica is preoccupied with calling "Hey boo!" to Kevin, and Kevin/Andrea are focusing to win.  As usual.  Jeffrey finishes first but has two pieces incorrect.  Andrea wins the challenge and her guaranteed spot in the final three.  Meh.

Kevin and Jeffrey are the bottom two in the viewer vote (Erica is safe) and head to the Limbo box for the final three verdict.  Jeffrey slinks down the tube and I'm so sad.  He was my favorite!  Andrea, Kevin, and Erica are the final three- yaaaawn but not surprising.  They receive a feast with champagne and grub to celebrate their impending finale.  Orie shares the live feeds moments viewers have seen in the oddly timed live feed times.  This of course shows Kevin dissing Erica to Mike, then the time Kevin told Erica they have a connection, and Andrea making fun of Erica for wanting to constantly makeout with Kevin.  Now do you get it Erica?  This of course leads to more bickering about Kevin being unattached, Erica being too attached- blah blah.

So finale night is finally here (sorta, I'm watching days late and ABC aired the finale days later because of stupid football).  All decked out in their finest, as they enter the kitchen the wall covered with patriotic ballons explodes to reveal a giant crowd in the yard.  In the midst of strange weirdos at the finale: their families.  There's a big stage set-up with podiums for final speeches about what a wonderful experience, blah, blah. Reveal the obvious winner already!  The final three must each cast a final stone and the face still in tact wins (the viewer's choice the winner).  The winner is Kevin, DUH.

So You Think You Can Dance - After last week's abomination of an episode (and yes I know some enjoyed it), the top ten dancers will now partner with all stars of seasons past in their routines.  My initial reaction?  OMG THERE MIGHT BE PASHA.  Get out of my imaginary restraining order.  Judging alongside Nigel and Mary is choreographer/ballet dancer/Natalie Portland husband Benjamin Millipied.  After my negativity of last week, let me say: this week was awesome.  I tweeted during the live episode what would've been better is it they introduced All Stars last week and done the Mia routines with one of the all stars in the originating dance.  But that's my two cents.  Now let's get to my faves of this week.

Goosebumps formed on my arm for Eliana and season 7's Alex Wong contemporary piece, choreographed by Stacey Tookey.  Set to Nancy Sinatra's creepy "Bang Bang," it's a haunting, passionate, angry, quiet piece about two lovers that can't quit each other.  It was brilliant. I watched it twice in a row.  Lindsay is paired with Jacob from season 6 in a Broadway number where they dance between a screen as shadows mimicking each other until they come together.  I'm a sucker for silhouettes dancing, but Lindsay really held her own against mega-talented Jacob.  How I missed him!  Step Up: Revolution star (and season 6 alumni) Kathryn is given the role of super sexy, slithering snake being charmed out of the basket by Will.  It's a fun, vibrant, fast-paced routine that made me smile.  Will is just awesome.

My runner-up routines are Cyrus' contemporary with season 3's Jaimie about the last two people on earth after a disaster.  The opening with a dark stage and their shadows in the amber lighting was beautiful.  I compare Cyrus to Jodie Sawyer in the movie Center Stage.  In terms of technical skills, not the best, but you can't take your eyes off of Cyrus when he dances.  Witney and season 1 winner Nick do this interesting Travis Wall jazz about two ghosts still performing together eventhough no one can see them.  It's sexy and slinky, Witney's specialty.  I didn't see season 1 of this show so I was really happy to finally see Nick Lazzarini dance.

Now let's address that the routines in my bottom group weren't bad, they just weren't my favorites.  All were danced well, they just didn't get me excited and raving.  Like Tiffany who gets sacked with a dumbass disco with season 5's Brandon.  It had 11 lifts which is impressive, but meh.  Plus I truly never remember Tiffany is on this show.  Zero personality for me.  Martial arts Cole is paired with ballroom vixen from season 3 Anya for a cha cha.  His faces are weird but it's Anya's nasty weave and wardrobe's decision to dress her like a cheap Russian prostitute that distract me.  Cheon's hip hop with Lauren was a big step forward for him, especially for being a classically trained ballet dancer, but the routine was not my hip-hop style.  I like a grimy routine, something more bucc, if I may say.  But then when we do get a creepy, interesting hip-hop, Audrey dances like a competition dancing white girl.  She clunked up a routine where tWitch was just being his awesome, talented self.  My least favorite of the night was Tyce Diorio's jazz about a French dude who misses the train because he sees a hot chick.  The music choice is odd, there's no chemistry, and season 2 beauty Alison gets dragged around on a cane.  It never clicked for me, just a weird performance.

The top ten dance a Broadway number alongside choreographer Tyce Diorio to some swing music, a fun little number set on the set of a Gene Kelly film of yesteryear.  I hope the 100 year old ghost of Gene Kelly berated them for last week's bad dancing.  The L.A. Dance Project performs while the judges deliberate the solos of the bottom group.  Witney and Audrey are the bottom two girls; Cheon and George are the bottom two guys.  No surprise that the bench routine performers are there.  Sorry but that routine is untouchable and no one wanted to see that recreated.  The judges are not unanimous for the girls but they save Witney, eliminate Audrey.  For the guys, it's clearly a lack of audience connection that continues to put these guys in the bottom two.  Because Cheon has breahtaking solos, he is saved and George is out.  Eh, I wasn't attached to either but I did early on peg Audrey a frontrunner.  This show, it's fulla twists!

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Reality Rundown: Define "Luxury" Vacation, Glass House

The Glass House • So You Think You Can Dance

The Glass House -  The house is pretty shocked that Jeffrey voted his BFF into Limbo.  Jeffrey's a sobbing mess about his actions.  Jeffrey also admits to Andrea, Kevin and Mike that he did take a little bit of money too (Mike's not alone on the greed side).  Everyone laughs, but Kevin and Andrea are actually pissed they worked so hard to save themselves and Jeffrey in the process and he took the money.  I think everyone thinks Jeffrey has the game wrapped up in the bag.  I'd say considering the edit of Kevin these couple of months, nice-ish guy, funny, rolls with the punches, underdog... I think he totally has this game won and done.  I'm calling it.

Erica and Gene head back up the Limbo tubes and it appears America has finally had enough of Gene's arrogance, as he heads out of the game for good.  Erica hugs everyone except Jeffrey when she returns, not forgiving him for sending her to Limbo.  It takes some time but eventually Erica caves for a hug.  Erica wonders why Jeffrey would send her to Limbo.  Jeffrey explains it was because he felt her vs. Gene would guarantee Gene going home.  Erica's fine with the strategy but just doesn't appreciate Jeffrey couldn't tell her beforehand.  Jeffrey wanted to avoid the emotional drama and it comes up about Erica's big crush on Kevin, her gravitating towards Kevin and the others instead of former-bestie Jeffrey.  The bickering keeps rolling in, fights over everything.  Aw friendship crumbling. Sadness.

With five left in the game there is only one team captain, the lowest vote getter of the week.  The captain of this week's challenge is Mike which doesn't surprise me; the viewers got rid of him before afterall.  The twist is that Mike will go head-to-head against one other player in the challenge, voted on by the four other players. They also get to vote for someone to win a "luxurious vacation" to Panama City Beach, Florida.  Holy hell I am laughing so hard.  I went to PCB and that city is a dump.  There is not a single ounce of luxury there.  Erica wins the vacation and Jeffrey is voted to compete in the challenge.  Jeffrey lets everyone know he voted for himself to compete, and then the house starts whispering that they'll definitely send Erica back to Limbo this week.  Erica's well aware of the plan and unsuccessfully tries to guilt trip Kevin, Andrea, and Mike.

The challenge this week blows anything Big Brother has even done out of the water (not saying much but this show does have amazing production values).  In the yard is a multi-story dollhouse that's "apartments" of the former players of the game.  Mike and Jeffrey have to rappel down the sides and peer into the house to answer questions about what they observed in the house.  Mike's advantage is that he is a lot quicker so he can run to the question board, see the questions, and rappel back quicker.  Jeffrey's more of the slow-and-steady, taking him time to really observe and count the items.  A totally-winded Jeffrey wins the challenge, sending him to tears for his perseverance.  Jeffrey's underdog victory in an overall physical challenge has the house wondering if this was his defining moment to win.  But the week quickly wraps up with the casting of the stones.  Mike has his automatic spot in Limbo when the votes are revealed it's 2-2: Erica and Kevin.  As the Limbo guy, Mike gets to choose who joins him and of course he picks Erica and not BFF Kevin.

So You Think You Can Dance - It feels like it's been forever (two weeks is eternity after my Olympics binge) and after being off those weeks we're losing four dancers tonight to get down to a top 10.  Normally I might be upset about losing this many people but I kinda forget them.  The twist of the evening is that all routines will be choreographed by Mia Michaels... in previous seasons.  So remember all those classic numbers you've loved with certain people? Let's shove in some newbies and then remember how good they were before and not now.  I like the idea of everyone dancing the same genre because then people don't get screwed on genre (ballroom), but I hate repeating the old original work.  There was two weeks off, the minds should've been racing.  The only thing new this week are the guest judges, Royal Ballet dancers/Ballet Boys Michael Nunn and Billy Trevitt and since they haven't seen this show before they can provide unbiased opinions.

So yeah, I have a huge chip on my should about this episode.  Instead of enjoying people dancing, you're comparing it to far better performances, Emmy nominated, iconic performances of the show's history.  Not to mention many of these past routines were choreographed with specific dancers in mind, making it their routine.  This entire night is pale imitations to the past and no matter what, sucked.  I have loved this show since I started in season two but as I watch this episode I'm just angry.  I found every second of this episode boring, tedious, and I wished it would end.  I have never felt that way about this show.  It saddens me to be such a dick but it's the honest truth and I can't give a best/worst performances rating this week.  I'll recap what people danced and instead you should YouTube those past routines to see the amazing bits.

Since I didn't like anything, here's what routines they decided to remake and pale in comparison to the originators.  Cyrus and Eliana get Katee and Twitch's season 4 "Mercy" routine with the door separating between them, kicking it around. George and Tiffany have season 4's "Hometown Glory" which is the one where  Josh lifts Katee in this assisted running step, like floating on air.  Mia cries, judges say they "murdered" routine in a positive way.  Amelia's pale butt gets tapped a bunch of times by Will in an embarassing rendition of season 5's butt dance.  Janelle's wild hair and a lack of partner passion make the remae of Kherington and Twitch's bed routine dull.  The crowd didn't even chair when Janelle leapt over the bed throwing roses.  Audrey and Matthew get a lecture from Nigel about not truly appreciating and telling the story of Mia's dead dad dance as well as the original by Lacey and Neil in season 3.  Lindsey and Cole are I guess the best of the night with "Addiction," originally danced by Kayla and Kupono in season 5.  I thin it's because Cole is so convincing and creepy in the role.  It's the only time I admitted I liked a routine in this debacle.  The biggest AW HELL NO is when Whitney and Kheon perform the bench dance, the iconic, definitive routine of this entire series performed by season 2's Travis and Heidi.  Sorry, but no.  For me, this was an untouchable routine so yeah, I'm very annoyed at this night.

The 14 perform as a group in tuxes and gowns, swinging off some rope things from the ceiling.  Let's add that everyone in this routine kisses their partner a long time, so swoon alert I guess.  Or if you're like me you think "Finally some original choreography tonight!"  After Nigel explains why this was a good theme (hey choreographers replace dancers all the time!), the bottom 6 are announced.  Amelia, Whitney, Janelle, George, Dareian, and Matt are the bottom group and all dance solos.  Well considering Whitney was part of the only routine tonight that wasn't 100% awful, she's safe so it's a done deal and Janelle and Amelia are out.  For the guys George is saved, sending home Dareian (OK) and Matthew (an actual shocker, I thought he was a frontrunner).  And then I breath a sigh of relief that this truly horrible episode has ended.

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Reality Rundown: What's the Emoticon For Crying in Limbo?

The Glass House

The Glass House - Gene continues his path of lies, apparently before the Limbo results claiming the house told him they were all voting for him.  Stuck speaking in British accents all day thanks to a viewer vote, shit goes down in a hilarious way.  Erica would prefer based on honesty rather than previous agreements (AKA Gene), but Jeffrey gets called out for playing both sides.  It's a great debate, creating some good BFF tension, and also hilarious because Jeffrey's British accent is a hot mess.  Meanwhile, Kevin is ridin' solo and pow-wows with his alliance (himself in a mirror) hoping they're on the same page.  Kevin hopes Andrea returns, while I think the rest all want Joy (especiall Gene).  Andrea and Joy come up the tubes and I'd vote off Andrea just for her lame fedora, but the viewers voted off Joy.

Ah love (or lust) is really making a mess of the Glass House.  Gene sheds a single tear for Joy's departure, wishing he gave her a kiss goodbye.  Erica's begun to separate herself from her alliance/friends, instead following her attraction to hot cop Kevin.  All Erica does is talk about Kevin, but she clearly can't read that he's just not that into her.  At all.  But the best love of all is the love of money.  Orie gives the remaining players the chance to take money to leave the house.  If they do leave, someone returns to the game (Mike or Joy).  Gene refuses to participate, saying no amount of money is worth it; he instead puts on his Joy shirt and talks to her between the glass.  Stephanie, who has been voted a team captain a few times, wisely knows she's got a slim chance of winning the show (especially with Mike reminding her that she's not popular).  And even Jeffrey is pondering leaving for the money since his last shot at Limbo was so close.  For $37,600 Stephanie smashes the glass, gets her money, and immediately is forced to leave the house.  Well worth it for someone who would definitely lose.

Since Stephanie took the money, one player returns to the game from viewer votes.  And that player is... Mike.  Kevin's bad day turned right around with Andrea and Mike back in the game.  Kevin gives Mike the lowdown which is Gene is the prime target and Erica/Jeffrey are starting to split.  Gene claims that he would've pushed the button earlier if he knew for a fact Joy would have a fair shot at returning.  Kevin thinks he's full of shit and playing up the showmance for votes.

The team captains this week are Jeffrey and Gene, pleasing everyone in the house that the viewers are over Gene too.  There are three giant TVs in the yard with marionettes of different emoticons: cool, crybaby, and happy.  Using the marionette, they have to move emoticon discs across the TV into a tube.  But there's a twist that you can either put it in a team total tube or a tube that gives you $500 per disc anonymously.  Jeffrey, Kevin, and Andrea are the red team and while it's Jeffrey's ass on the line, he does cash in a bit (the others do not).  Gene, Erica, and Mike make up the yellow team and in the biggest LOL moment Gene was voted to get the emoticon "boring."  Mike doesn't want to throw the challenge necessarily but the tube for the team is soooo far away.  Erica just plain sucks at picking up the discs, period, so the yellow team loses.

Gene is definitely going to Limbo and he knows his team threw it, sure someone took money as well.  Mike admits to Kevin, Andrea, and Erica that he took the money temptations.  Erica's pissed because she's in jeopardy being on the same team as him.  Mike was surprised because he assumed everyone would take a few bucks, but a lot of people in the house live by the no-throwing-challenges code.  Kevin is afraid if Mike goes to Limbo, Gene could return.  Kevin thinks Erica stands a better chance beating Gene in Limbo since she's a fan favorite and didn't throw the challenge.  Ultimately, Kevin has to give Mike a vote because of his hypocritical actions.  However, in a shocking 3-2 vote, Erica goes into Limbo in tears.  Jeffrey voted her in!  This episode was nuuuuts!

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Reality Rundown: Roll the Footage!

The Glass House

The Glass House -  The viewers are vote on who plays certain roles at a theme party and when Gene gets selected to go on the date, it's assumed Joy will be the other half. Not so!  The viewers don't care for Joy and make her a busser.  Instead Kevin is voted as Gene's date, which will be super sexy especially because they're forced to wear ironic thrift store hipster clothes all day.  After their romantic date, tensions get high when Gene says the viewers have his back.  Then Joy interjects, OF COURSE, and says Gene is arrogant but Andrea is manipulative.  Joy calls out Andrea for the conversation they had a couple weeks ago when Andrea says she was forced to be on the unpopular alliance and she wanted to get off the sinking ship.  Andrea keeps saying "Roll the footage!" like it'll help her case, but it keeps proving she did say the disparaging statements.

Kevin and Andrea laugh at Jeffrey's and his alliance's stupidity of voting himself into Limbo, thinking Andrea rates so low with the viewers.  Except Jeffrey voted himself in to guarantee he can't be a team captain next week.  Kevin and Andrea insist the viewers will vote him out, but the others argue he's playing a majorly strategic game.  Mike and Jeffrey come up in the tubes and learn this was the closest vote yet: 51% vs. 49%. Mike's tube drops down and the strategy worked... barely.  Jeffrey acknowledges his ballsy move was stupid.  Really risky and stupid.

When asked about what he didn't expect coming into the Glass House, Gene says to actually like someone on a personal level (meaning his kinda-showmance with Joy).  In a parrot voice, Erica makes a snarky comment about Gene's tweet about not falling in love in The Glass House means that was his plan the whole time.  It turns into a tiff with, you guessed it, Joy who wonders if Erica trusts alliance member Gene or Kevin more.  The answer is Kevin.  It's much more enjoyable to watch than read it since Erica does everything in a pirate voice.  Later, Joy and Gene talk about her past of being bullied for having sex with some cool, popular dude in high school and doing drugs with 30 year olds.  Wowww.  But Gene overlooks Joy's past because he likes her.

Joy and Stephanie are named team captains, with Joy being the lowest vote getter.  This week's challenge is this crazy skee ball slope to get balls into holes: score four and win.  There's also prizes too if you get a ball into the prize hole.  Kevin wins $5,000 and caricatures of all the players drawn by a fan (they're really good).  Gene players his hardest to keep Joy in the house, but Joy is horrible at giant skee ball.  The yellow team (Stephanie, Kevin, Erica, and Jeffrey) win the challenge and it solidifies Joy's spot in Limbo.

Joy asks her fellow alliance members to note vote Gene into Limbo with her, even if they don't trust him.  Erica tells Andrea what is going down, which leads to a discussion of the showmance or maybe faux-mance of Gene's part.  Erica gave her word to not send Gene to Limbo, but she'd rather send him.  Joy begs Erica not to go against their word, but Erica says Joy and Gene are apparently a package deal and she'd rather have solo Joy around.  Andrea's family gets to come into the house to deliver this week's fanswers, which give Erica and Jeffrey the confirmation they need to justify getting Gene sent to Limbo.  Jeffrey is torn between his heart and gameplay, but chooses heart for the time being.  The votes are split 3-3 (Erica did vote for Gene), which gives Joy the tie-breaker of who joins her in Limbo.  Duh, she chooses Andrea.  Gene gives Joy a hug, whispering he really does like her, and it's a nice departing word since Joy is probably not coming through those glass doors again.

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Reality Rundown: Makeout Party in the Glass House

The Glass House - Jeffrey lets Kevin know the stone cast against him wasn't him and it becomes apparent that the lone vote is Gene.  The guys aren't loving Gene's deceptive gameplay.  Jeffrey continues being uber-popular by having a kissing contest with Erica and Joy.  Let me remind you, Jeffrey is a gay, ginger bear.  And if that's not weird enough, the whole house sitting close-up staring at the kidding is awkward as all hell.  Joy wins for showmanship (AKA it being most like a lapdance) and Erica wins for authenticity.  At a high school themed party, everyone plays up the roles given to them (winner is Kevin the jock who talks about getting a full ride from state) and a drunk Erica tries to make a move on Kevin again; it fails.  At yet another party (theme: toga), Kevin and Erica discuss his rejection of her.  Kevin claims it's because he didn't want to take advantage of a drunk girl but c'mon Erica... he's just not that into you.  Then Joy and Mike fight about it.  I feel like every episode has Joy and Mike fighting about everyone else's business.  It gets back to Erica, more bickering.  This is why you don't hook-up on reality shows when you've down a few cocktails.

Andrea and Holly return up the bank tubes from Limbo to get the verdict.  While I can't stand Andrea, it's a huge duh moment when Holly get sucked back down the tube.  Andrea's alliance is happy to see her, the rest... meh.  Kevin gives Andrea the rundown on the hinky vote against him and lets her into the fold that Jeffrey wants Gene and Joy gone next.  The whole house begins to notice his cockiness, especially when he tells Joy the viewers keep her around for his amusement.  "I'm not your concubine!" Joy exclaims.

The viewers vote Mike and Stephanie team captains.  Stephanie being a captain surprises everyone, especially knowing she had the least number of votes.  Stephanie begins to cry, realizing she's at the bottom because viewers aren't connecting with her.  Well her chugging wine straight from the box bladder earlier earned a few cred points with me, but I also don't vote for this shit.

Mike drafts Gene, Jeffrey, and Andrea to his team; skipping over Kevin so both of them won't be in Limbo. Stephanie chooses Erica, Joy, and Kevin.  The challenge is to decode clues to solve puzzles and questions, with teammates also being spun on some giant decoder wheel.  Summarizing Glass House challenges can be so confusing at times.  It's like the Battle of the Sexes episode of Saved by the Bell (yes a Tori episode) where they solve the puzzle "Honor Thy Principal" aka "Honor Thy Bucket of Chicken."  Stephanie's team nails it, but Gene really screws it up for Mike's team and Mike regrets trusting the shady Gene.  Stephanie's team wins the challenge and as the puzzle solver of the winning team, she wins a trip to Las Vegas.

Mike being the losing team captain is automatically in Limbo, which leaves Andrea, Jeffrey, and Gene as the choices to join him.  Jeffrey is confident Mike is going to get eliminated and thinks they should spare Andrea, making her a likely least popular team captain next week.  Jeffrey decides to make a bold move, based on how he's read the viewers votes thus far: he asks his friends to vote him into Limbo.  It's a huge strategic move that could backfire (LOL yeah right, we know Jeffrey is the top contender to win).  Jeffrey receives all the votes and gets into the tube to Limbo with Mike.  Don't worry: we'll be seeing that ginger bear again.

So You Think You Can Dance - The night begins with a bummer: no SYTYCD for two weeks because of the Olympics.  It makes me sad, but relieved.  I'm an Olympics junkie and don't want to miss any of the good stuff.  Joining Nigel and Mary this week is Christina Applegate, always an entertaining guest who knows her dance stuff.

There were some brilliant routines this week.  Like, so hard to narrow them down.  Brandon and Amber, a new partnership, benefited from losing their dud partners.  Their jazz routine about a couple in the sweaty south getting sexy after a long day.  It was hot, sweaty, and full of chemistry.  Lindsay and Cole dance this spectacularly lit contemporary number by Stacey Tookey, where the low lights create spectacular shadows as they fly across the stage.  It was simply gorgeous.  In another moment of spectacular lighting, Witney and Cheon's contemporary routine by Stacey Tookey begins with merely a spotlight following them though the solo part of Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You."  When that high note hits, the lights come on and there's this spectacular jump/lift and it's breathtaking.  I got verklempt; just a beautiful, passionate number.  Stacey Tookey is on a GD roll this week.  Eliana's ballerina skills are used perfectly in a Nappytabs hip hop routine with her partner Cyrus, as he is a robot that brings to life the ballerina inside a music box.  It's amazing and finally some of the grimy hip hop with a dark side.

The middle of the pack for me are Tiffany and George, with a cute hip hop about babysitters with a crying kid and Amelia and Will's black and white jazz.  Ok routines, but nothing special. very stretchy. flingy.

It truly pains me to have to put my boyfriend Sasha's cha cha in the worst, but I had to.  The choreography was good, but the song choice of "Call Me Maybe" was weird for a cha cha.  And it wasn't danced well by Janelle and Dareian; even I noticed their sloppy feet.  Audrey and Matt slip to the bottom this week with a salsa by new choreographer Liz Lira.  The song choice was odd and it made the salsa slow and boring, not fast and sexy.

In the other routines of the evening, Tyce Diorio choregraphs a group number where everyone looks like Charlie Chaplin black and white number with a red umbrella floating the holder across the stage.  I love that everyone, including the girls, has a bowler hat and mustache.  There's also a special group performance by the Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater, stellar as always.  I need to remember to get tickets next time this company comes to the area as I always want to go and then forget.  The routines are so interesting and the men such powerful dancers.  I know it'd be an amazing live show.

With routines out of the way, it comes to the results portion of the show.  The bottom three girls are Amber, Lindsay, and Eliana.  The bottom three guys are George, Brandon, and Dareian.  Considering that these three girls were in three of the best routines this week, I'm gutted.  Amber, Eliana, Brandon, and Dareian are asked to dance solos one more time for a proper evaluation.  The judges deliberate and send Amber and Brandon home, which is a total bummer because the votes are based on last week's routines, not the fantastic routine performed this evening. Bummer.

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Reality Rundown: Hit It, Quit It, Send It to Limbo

The Glass House

The Glass House - The house ponders which player will return from Limbo, wondering if the public will vote for a liar (Holly) or a terrible, horrible, stategy (Apollo).  The two ascend back to the house in their bank tubes to face the verdict.  Apollo's tube drops him back down and he's out of the game, though he wasn't really playing the game now was he?

The rest of the house plays a truth game where we learn that Stephanie's husband died and everyone is shocked and saddened.  Robin then has to one-up Stephanie, saying she was almost murdered with a knife to her neck.  She denies it being a "compete story" after Erica accuses her; then Robin confronts Erica for ruining the moment where she was going to praise Stephanie's braveness.  Erica's feeling is that Robin constantly asks questions of other people just to talk about herself.  Hot Cop Kevin, middle-aged Mike, and Robin had formed a "trifecta" to have each other's backs and protect them from Limbo, but now Mike is like shit we aligned with the crazy lady.  The crazy lady who can't sleep and washes the floor BY HAND at 3am.

Now while Robin was the first to openly say something shitty about Stephanie's sob story, she's not alone.  With Kevin and Mike, Mormon Andrea says they should all forget about winning because of Stephanie.  Kevin retorts it's true and the only story that matches Stephanie's is a dead kid.  Andrea wants the best game to win, not the sob story and feels guilty saying it.  What a group of scumbags.

Miscelleanous house stuff.  Joy and Gene flirt a bunch. Mike tells Holly that everyone talked shit about her while she was in Limbo.  Drunk Erica and Kevin slurred speech flirt and later make out sheltered by a bedspread.  Robin writes weird tweets and one-liners on the inside of her pants.  Mormon Andrea kills flies and Ginger Bear Jeffrey says she's a hypocrite since the bible says "Thou shalt not kill."  Jeffrey butts heads with Andrea because of her beliefs against homosexuality and as a gay man it makes sense that he'd probably not love the company of a person who condemns his lifestyle.  Andrea insists she respects Jeffrey as a person, but he also feels her as a majority voting against a minority is not respecting him.  Andrea thinks it's going to be a rough eight weeks and Ashley reminds her Jesus was persecuted too and be strong.  Oh boy, I love reality TV religious discussions.

 

The team captains, aka the players viewers hate most, are Ashley and Robin.  This is Ashley's second week in a row as captain meaning she's a boring player that viewers have no attachment to.  Viewers were given the choice of what players would have to bob for: apples in applesauce, teabags in a bowl full of tea (I wish it was scalding hot), or fried chicken in gravy.  Oh gee, which do you think viewers picked?  The challenge is for the team captain to guess which item the viewers selected by having someone on their team complete the task.  So Erica has to bob for the chicken first and barely puts her face in so BFD.  We also get to see a tuna salad mixed with feet, a hat filled with chew (?), a peanut butter facial with marshmallows, pie to the face, and deflating a bunch of whoopie cushions with bodyparts for fart noise laughter.  It wasn't funny.  Ashley's team is victorious, saving her from Limbo a second week in a row.

In perhaps the worst reward ever on reality television, Tenley and Kiptyn from The Bachelor/Bachelorette/Bachelor Pad franchise come up the bank tubes into the house.  I love my guilty pleasure Bachelor but holy shit, what an awful "prize."  The girls are excited ad the guys are like who the fuck are you nobodies.  After giving the advice to "be yourself" (no shit), it turns out these two losers are here as the voice of the Fanswers.  Holly had asked if they viewers want to stay in the house, and the viewers said NO (hilarious moment of burn).  Gene is told to get an alliance and Andrea learns viewers want alliances and gameplay now.  BOR-ING.

 

Robin is automatically in Limbo as the losing team captain and the rest of the house will choose someone from her team to join her in the bank-tubes-to-hell.  Erica is the big target amongst the alliance of five formed by Mike, Kevin, Ashley, Holly, and Andrea.  Jeffrey and Stephanie want to save their friend and instead get Andrea out.  Jeffrey wants to make a big statement of this and say if you're not voting for Andrea, you're not voting for equality.  He wants America to get the message that equality is important and Gene poses the point that it's possible America could vote Andrea back.  Jeffrey acknowledges that and says then it's only his vendetta against 'Murica I guess.  Gene and Joy aren't sure they are ready to make alliances and at this point are the swing votes to make it 5-5 (Robin would then break the tie).  The others are here to play a game and don't think this should be a political thing but rather a television game show.  Erica tries to talk to her makeout partner Kevin to see where he stands and he admits he's voting for Erica and thinks Andrea is getting singled out for not being the house majority in terms of politics and whatnot.  But Kevin thinks no matter what Erica will be coming back.  In a tie vote of 5-5, team captain Robin must decide who to take with her into Limbo.  She chooses Erica and down they go into the glass tubes of abyss.

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Reality Rundown: All This Dancing Makes Me Crave Tomato Soup

The Glass House • So You Think You Can Dance

The Glass House - The house celebrates Alex and Jacob being exiled to Limbo, hoping America chooses to eliminate Alex and save Jacob.  The Playboy nurse cries that the world, and her mom, will see this show, hate her, and hurt her mom because of the crap Alex talked.  The house learns that someone in Limbo quit the game (we know it's Jacob) and that the remaining person will still be up for the public vote.  Alex shoots back up the Limbo tunnel that can also send tubes of money to the bank (I love those things) and learn his fate.  The viewers voted whether they wanted him back and it turns out America can only take assholes to a certain point and Alex gets sucked back down the tube.  The house rejoices.  I hate fake, wannabe villains so good riddance but he did at least stir the pot.

Holly is the center of the minor house drama, as it's been narrowed down that she was likely the one vote for Erica to go to Limbo.  She lies and says she didn't, but the guilt eats her up and immediately tells Erica alone the truth.  It's not the first lie Holly's told, as apparently she is lying about being a psychology major and instead said she majored in art history.  The problem is Holly can't back up the lie, unable to name a single artist because she must not have even watched a Ninja Turtles episode.  Holly confesses being a psychology major, which she thinks would intimidate people.  But when probed about what she wrote a paper on in college she can barely answer and when asked to name a famous psychologist she says "Dr. Phil." Your college has failed you.

The soothing unnamed narrator of the house lets the players know that Apollo and Ashley and are the two least popular players based on viewers votes. They are named team captains, which means if their team loses they automatically head to Limbo.  Apollo's like "I'm playing an intellectual game" and sorry moron but drawing cards and not playing the game for real is not intellectual or intelligent, it's dumb and I can't even call it poor game play because he's not even playing.

"Ruffle Your Tail Feathers" is this week's challenge and the teams have to hang in whirly birds on the ceiling to transfers eggs to different bird houses labelled with prizes and punishments.  The eggs actually have players names on them so if your egg ends up in the bird house for the winning team, you either win or suffer.  The learning curb to catch eggs killed Apollo's team; Ashley's team wins the challenge and are all safe, an excellent birthday gift for her.  As for the eggs, Ashley wins $1,000, Stephanie has to squeeze 5 gallons of orange juice and move packing peanuts, Andrea has to blow up balloons, and Jeffrey has to peel 200 hard boiled eggs.  Jeffrey at least gets dressed like a sassy nana to get the job done.

As losing team captain, Apollo is automatically going to Limbo and a member of his team will be nominated too.  Apollo actually attempts some game play, pointing out that it's quite possible Gene threw the challenge and would be a good nominee.  Gene denies and swears he didn't throw it and then him and Apollo bicker.  Gene calls a house meeting to discuss the challenge accusations and wants the others to explain their stance which is basically just Apollo whining because he's low man on the totem pole.  Apollo claims the audience will see the truth (the truth that Apollo is desperate).  Apollo learns from viewer questions that it would be OK for him to switch his strategy earlier and I just want to punch him. NO SHIT.  Apollo's "strategy" to put a target on Gene fails and unlikable Holly joins Apollo in Limbo with all the votes (except for the one vote she again cast for Erica).

So You Think You Can Dance - After weeks of auditions (which is pointless to recap), our top 20 is here!  Now I'm here to give you the 411 on my favorite summer show (next to Big Brother).  In the first performance episode, the 35 finalists from Las Vegas are narrowed down to 20 and those 20 perform for us the very first time.  And it's the 200th episode. And Zooey "Tomato Soup" Deschanel is guest judge for the night.  Partaaaaaay!  Something I'm not loving so much: two winners, a girl and a guy.  I personally don't see the point because, unlike American Idol, the SYTYCD audience has voted evenly between girl and guy winners and if someone as popular as Kent can lose the show to a girl, it means the show is balanced.  But whatevs.

The first group to perform are the first batch of contemporary dancers: polarizing Vegas week contestant Alexa (a hugh ughhhhh from me), George, Will, and Amber.  They take on a Tyce Diorio routine, dancing across the longest bench ever to a slow-version of "We Found Love."  After a few seasons lacking with just on representive, a trio ballroom dancers make the top 20.  I know my mom hates their swooshy solos, I love some top 20 diversity.  Nick and BFFs Whitney and Lindsay perform a fun, slightly corny and medium-hot, threesome choreographed by that Jason guy whose last name I forget.  Didn't love it, to be honesty.

Daniel, Keon, and Eliana, classically trained ballet dancers, show off their amazing technical skills in shiny silver lamay costumes.  It starts like a slow classical piece, then kicks into high gear. I love new stuff!  Next is a wacky, typical Sonja jazz number but now I look forward to her weirdness.  It's actually very standard jazz but since the girls look so similar and wear the same costumes, there's something circusey about the routine I like.  The dancers are two jazz girls, Audrey and Tiffany.  Also making the top 20, but unable to dance because of illness, is belly dancer Janelle.  Talk about a new style, completely.  Belly dancing is new, exciting, uncharted territory and discovering people like this is why I love this show.  Oh and Cat Deeley calls herself the BFG after the Roald Dahl character.  I want to be her best friend.

Handsome Matthew, Darian, Janaya, and quirky Emilia round out the contemporary/lyrical dancers.  They dance a Stacey Tookey routine that lets Emilia play dress up from the 1920s era she loves so much.  The final three slots are given to hip hop dancers: martial arts infuser Cole, stepper Brandon (new style!), and my favorite Cyrus, who definitely struggled with choreography in Vegas.  The hip hop routine, choreographed by Christopher Scott, is themed around baseball for the product-placement All Star game.  I'll overlook the Fox show placement because god, this routine... it was everything.  It takes time to introduce each dancer as a soloist, and yet perform a cohesive group routine. Loved. It.  We'll definitely be seeing this routine again in the finale as a best number of the season.

With the top 20 complete, the remainder of the evening has group routines split by the sexes and then one big-ass group number.  The girls get the big shebang: Travis Wall.  Remember when Mia Michaels was like the choreographer of the show?  It's officially Travis now.  "Let the Light In" is another stellar work of art by Travis and it's so fantastic to see the maturity of the dancer who helped me get hooked on the show, now an adult.  The top ten fellas work with Sonja on a jazzy yet masculine, fight-based routine and it's almost shirtless - oww oww!  Oh and after the Mia quasi-smack I said, she's back!  After a season off, Mia Michaels is back and choreographing the routine for the entire top 20.  Dressed in all black and rockin' some shades (RayBans- gonna need even higher definition to see brand names), everyone dances in a long diagonal line and it's a cool formation that eventually splits apart to fill up the stage.  Welcome back Mia, you are still fantastic.

Guys, this is gonna be a great season.

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Reality Rundown: Nooo It's Nothing Like Big Brother . . .

The Glass House - Week 1

It's a "stunning, transparent living space with no secrets" AKA Big Brother with glass walls, shot in HD, and America gets to decide more than what piece of shit food houseguests eat for a week.  Players include the immediately annoying bail bondsman, a Mormon mom, a stuntman, poet, "fat hot gay guy", a nurse who poses for Playboy, and a middle aged sex blogger, to name a few.

In The Glass House, the wall is a place where the players convene to find the decisions viewers (not fans, because we're assholes online) have made for them.  For the first challenge, the viewers voted to split the teams into East vs. West.  Some dumb motherfucker doesn't know which coast Oregon is on.  Each team must choose a team captain and the losing team captain, along with another member of the losing team, will be expelled from the house into Limbo and up for the public vote.

The viewers also voted where the players will live and who their roommate is, and there's also not enough beds for everyone.  The viewers try to stir up drama by pairing the oldest lady with the youngest but nothing happens. The hot cop offers to sleep on the couch.  The chimes ring again to head to the wall: the viewers have selected a pool party for the players first night in the Glass House.  Cue the wannabe model actress girls in skimpy bikinis, donning the Mardi Gras beads and feather boas the viewers voted in.  Jeffrey, known as Ginger Bear on the interwebs now, overflows the hot tub when he gets in with everyone.  More fun comes from viewer votes for food, drinks, and games (kiss and blow - "God Elton, can't you suck?").

Team captains for the upcoming challenge are selected: dumb cook/Oregon idiot Jacob for the West Coast and Ginger Bear Jeffrey for the East.  Dumber is poet Apollo who isn't going to play the game and instead will leave his elimination/Limbo votes up to chance with a deck of cards.  But enough people stupidity, let's roll out the first challenge.  The challenge is to match up a player's name to a very personal fact they revealed about themselves, but this is also a puzzle where you have to flip tiles while riding lifts controlled by another player.  This show is so ridic to recap.  Bail bondsman Alex thinks he's so smart and makes all the decisions about the facts, which are all totally wrong.  After terrible communication, they eventually get it.  The East Coast team is far more calm, collected, and willing to listen, finishing the puzzle nearly four minutes faster than the West Coast.  East Coast wins the challenge which means Jacob is going to Limbo. YESSSSS.  Next step: the house votes who joins Jacob in Limbo.

Alex realizes he's in hot water because he's "primetime 99 Alex Stein" and he immediately starts campaigning for safety.  Hello bullseye.  He walks around the house in his underwear, giving the censors some balls and to blur out.  He wants to make the house fun apparently?  Kevin hates Alex and if he wasn't already hot enough physically, his hatred of Alex makes him even hotter.  Alex thinks everyone in the house except dumb Jacob sucks.  Oh and at some point the slutty nurse starts asking the other women to spank her.  What a cast.

Bing-bong, head to the wall.  It seems players get a chance to ask viewers a question for them to vote on, fun or strategic.  Viewers tell Gene to align with the women, not the men (laughter ensues since no one knows the question).  Erica hilariously asks if Arie the racecar driver is still on The Bachelorette.  Apollo asks some toolish "Did you smile today?" question.  Alex gets the nod from viewers to become the most horrible reality show villain ever.  This is the most fun part of the show.

Since Alex got the viewers input on being a villain, he begins going on an in-house tirade to make everyone hate him.  He basically implies Joy the slutty nurse had characteristics in common with a stripper or prostitute, that the Mormon mom is horrible for sharing a room with a guy, someone poops a lot, someone's fat, and that Kevin is a douchebag.  Joy says Alex has no character and he says he's the only character on this show. Ugh, go away.  I'm all for a villain but not one intentionally doing it for fame and notoriety.

Jacob is down in the dumps since he's in Limbo so nurse Joy encourages him to pep up, mainly so America won't keep Alex in the house.  Apollo's dumb cards picks Ashley as his vote to Limbo.  The rest of the house uses their pseduo Nintendo Wii slide and punch moves to vote for Alex to join Jacob in Limbo and while originally I was over Jacob's stupidity, I hate wannabe famewhores even more.  Alex and Jacob head into the Limbo tubes to be put into exile, except Jacob quits the game.  BUT... Alex isn't safe yet. We can still decide if he should leave the house.  Vote wisely people.

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