Reality Rundown: A Million Dollar Pee

In this Reality Rundown...

The Amazing Race • Tough Love • I Love Money •
Dancing with the Stars • The Biggest Loser

The Amazing Race - This leg of the race continues from last week, sending the teams off to their next clues (and Travelocity Roaming Gnomes!!) The Detour poses a choice between putting on Chinese opera makeup & costumes or being waiters at a Chinese restaurant, with an intimidating "Caution- U-Turn ahead" on the clue (fingers crossed someone will use it for the drama). The Chinese-speaking Siblings easily complete the waiter task, while the others opt for the makeup. The Siblings yield the Sisters, citing speed as their reason. The Cheerleaders get completely lost and frustrated at the language barrier, allowing the Sisters to complete the waiter challenge and still be ahead of them. One teammate has to eat native street dishes (crickets, Starfish, etc.) for the Roadblock- which isn't as hard as past seasons awful foods. The Siblings and Deaf Son/Mom are the first 2 teams to get a spot in the finals, leaving 1 up for grabs. The Sisters and Cheerleaders battle it out on the food, and the Sisters take a slight lead, but not without consuming 4 bottles of water to get the food down. Younger sister Jen insists she has to pee before checking into the Pit Stop... and it's the million dollar pee. The Sisters miss out on a chance for a million dollars by checking in seconds after the Cheerleaders. It's times like these you really wish you'd have just pissed your pants. Next week: FINALE! (Image from CBS.com)

Tough Love - Finale! Taylor leaves Boot Camp early because she's not ready for love. Steve sets up 24 hour getaways for the remaining girls to each take a date on. For some reason, Jacqueline is still thinking of her ex and there's serious concern she'll go back to that loser once the show ends. A happy group ending with Shane, etc. but more importantly, what happened post-Tough Love? Natasha is in a relationship, Stasha is getting married, crazy Arian found love with a bartender from a Tough Love house party, Taylor moved back home, Abiola's dating, and Jessa found love with a best friend. But sad news my friends... Jody and Shane broke up. And even worse, Jacqueline's ex picked her up at the airport with a ring and they got back together. Then he returned to his loser ways and she dumped him again- losing Brock (her Tough Love suitor) in the process. Kind of a bummer, but I think this was a process more about loving themselves and becoming better people- awww. (Image from Blog.VH1.com)

I Love Money - Finale again! The final 5 compete in a challenge involving a balance beam and dropping excess baggage. The dead last loser automatically gets their check voided, and the Paymaster chooses who goes to the finals. Saaphyri is the dead last loser and voids her own check, while Myammee wins Paymaster (ugh). And in a no brainer, eliminates the strongest competitor, Prancer. It claims in the interviews he's been playing dumb the whole time, but then as soon as the final challenge starts, he gets lost. Moron! Tailor Made has an early lead, but Myammee is able to pass him during an ice melting leg. The end involves answering trivia related to Buckwild or the Entertainer- Myammee gets there 1st and picks Buckwild. Just as Tailor Made arrives to answer the trivia, Myammee finishes and wins. BOO! (Image from VH1.com)

Dancing with the Stars - It's back to a long 2 hours of dancing, with each pair performing one ballroom routine and one Latin routine (and each celebrity has to do a little solo). Melissa rebounds after her near-elimination last week, Lil' Kim stumbles in the waltz, and Shawn Johnson is still my fave. Ty Murray is clearly the least talented of this group and if he lasts again, well that means he has one hell of a fanbase. I didn't have a chance to watch the results show, but I'm sure I missed nothing big and I could just check the results online in the morning. Well, color me shocked, when I watched last night's Jimmy Kimmel and found out Lil' Kim was eliminated from the show. As Flavor Flav would say, "Wowwwwwwwww." She was a frontrunner, but I guess one slight bad week and it could all end. But seriously, Ty Murray has a ton of fans. (Image from ABC.com)

The Biggest Loser - Not the finale yet! The contestants head home for 30 days before returning for a final weigh-in. The contestants struggle at home, but face an even bigger challenge where they learn they will have to complete a marathon- yes, 26 miles, and everyone freaks. The trainers visit the Losers at home to help train and keep on track, and we really see how much of a difference the show made. The marathon is crazy; but if you complete the marathon, you get a giant check for $10k to give to a charity of your choice. Young Mike hurt his hip right before the marathon, so he and his father will have to walk all 26 miles. Tara breezes through the marathon, and Helen completes it about an hour after her. Their friends, family, and past season Losers return to inspire them. Everyone finishes, including Ron who had a slight health scare at a hydration station. It's very inspirational! Back at the Ranch, everyone weighs in, and Helen and Tara both stay above the yellow line and are guaranteed spots in the finals. Father and Son fall below the line and it's up to America to select the 3rd finalist. I hate this twist, as it makes it unfair and more about popularity and less about who loses the most. But I might not like it this year, cause they all deserve it (even you Ron!), and last year there were a lot of jerks in the final 4. Next week: FINALE! Man, this Rundown is going to get shorter. (Image from NBC.com)

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Reality Rundown: Camera's a Beach

Bad news: I missed Tough Love. I know, here's a tissue, it will be OK. I promise I'll try to sneak it into the Friday edition, since next week is their finale. But onto what I actually did watch.

In this Reality Rundown...
The Amazing Race • I Love Money • Dancing with the Stars •
The Biggest Loser

The Amazing Race - Since China is so huge, there's no point leaving yet, sending everyone to Beijing. And what's a better way to unwind after a long flight than a foot massage... from hell! The Roadblock makes one player endure a foot massage that borders on pleasure to pain, which is hilarious to watch and features some tears. The roadblock offers a choice of completing a synchronized dive (a jump, really) or swim the 400-meter relay that Michael Phelps dominated. I would've tried the diving, since I used to be a diver, but it's synching up is a struggle for the Siblings and the Sisters, who chose this option since they couldn't swim. The Sisters end up pretty far behind the pack and it looks like they'll be out of this race after this leg. The Cheerleaders are dying to be team #1 and finally they arrive at the Pit Stop first and so happy... until Phil tells them this leg of the race isn't over. TO BE CONTINUED! Duh duh duuuuh! (image from CBS.com)

I Love Money - No "I Love" series is complete without lots of fake ta-ta's, so the challenge this week is to complete an obstacle course wearing giant inflatable boobs. Prancer wins Paymaster, despite her injury, raising eyebrows. It is the dead last loser again, but also the key vote in the Vault- he has to decide whether to send in Myammee or his lady love, Saaphyri. He opts to vote in Saaphyri and Frenchy. NO! Frenchy then tries to quit because she doesn't want to suck up to Prancer, yelling about "camera's a beach" (translation: karma's a bitch), but is convinced to stay. Frenchy and Prancer work out their issues at the Power Outing and it seems like a girls to the end alliance could stick, especially since It is a complete dumbazz. But at elimination, Prancer voids my poor Frenchy's check since Frenchy is strong and Prancer knows she could beat It for the prize. Next week: FINALE! And has It been faking the idiotic funk? (Image from Blog.VH1.com)

Dancing with the Stars - Along with solo performances, the 6 remaining pairs will also break into 2 teams for a group number: Mamba vs Tango. Jilted Bachelorette Melissa injured a rib and has to be judged based on the rehearsal footage, and since they didn't perform full on, it's not great and they score a 21 (lowest of the night). Plus, her team's group number stunk so she is in the running to go home. Ty Murray, while improving, will be my pick to go home since he's just not as skilled as the others.

Results show: Ty Murray is saved pretty early, upsetting my prediction. The bottom 2 comes down to Melissa (no brainer) and Chuck Witt and his girlfriend Julianne Hough. I'm hoping Chuck & Julianne go home, because their cutesy, sugary relationship grates my nerves some times; they're like the nice version of Heidi and Spencer. The votes are revealed and Chuck is sent packing so he can go perform the country music he loves (yet no one knew he existed until now, or if you watched Nashville the 2 weeks it was on). (Image from ABC.com)

The Biggest Loser - Last week on campus, which means a lot of montages of their old fat selves, trying on their "goal outfits," and learning that they are healthier from Dr. Huizenga. A challenge gives the winner a choice between $10k or 1lb at weigh-in; but this time 2nd place is a winner too because they get whatever 1st choice passes. And you won't believe who won: TARA. I know, shocking, right? Young Mike comes in second, so at weigh-in we get Tara's decision: she'll take the lb, and Mike gets the money. For the last week there, everyone has great weight losses, but Ron (grr) and Filipe fall below the yellow line, and since Filipe is strong and Ron stands no chance at winning, there's no suspense of who is leaving. Poor Filipe- I was pulling for him! Now Bob stands no chance whatsoever in winning this season- so sad. And just when I thought the finale was here, NO. The losers will go home for 1 month and then come back for another drawn out episode before the finale. Now that Filipe is gone, I don't know who to support. I guess I'll route for 48 year old Helen. (Images from NBC.com)

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Reality Rundown: The Fast Demise of the Pretty Girl Alliance

In this Reality Rundown...
The Amazing Race • Groomer Has It • Tough Love • I Love Money •
Dancing with the Stars • The Biggest Loser

The Amazing Race - The continent of Asia excursion continues, sending the racers to Guilin, China. The Sibling team is Chinese, so spend the entire episode communicating in Chinese which sometimes works, but other times seems like showing off. However, there's a hilarious moment where they tell a man to help them succeed or their parents "would cry themselves to death." Everyone is pretty even, except the Stuntmen who have the 4 hour penalty and a speed bump (washing ladies' hair) to contend with. At 2 different clue boxes, deaf Luke and Jen get into some physical

altercations, which leads to Jen calling Luke a bitch and Luke signing angrily. The Road Block has one player working with a bird that retrieves fish, and yes, someone does get bit by an evil bird. At the Detour, teams have to write calligraphy or dance. Most teams choose calligraphy; the Cheerleaders dance and get extremely pissed off at the instructors. The 3 teams that did calligraphy all check-in at the Pit Stop at the same time, leading to a meltdown about the today's physical events. One of the sisters sort of laughs when Luke starts getting mad/signing/trying to speak and Margie goes OFF! While the sister says the laughing is a nervous thing in uneasy situations, it does come off like she's laughing at him (watch all the drama unfold above). Both at times were at fault for the physical stuff earlier, but just know, the "s" has hit the fan. Oh, and the Stuntmen go home finally.

Groomer Has It - Yup, I'm covering it again. The annoying, fat girl who knows nothing about grooming wins the Quick Sniff, which allows her and her team member to select which dogs they'll groom this week and which dogs the others will groom. The catch this week is that all of these dogs need to be re-groomed after previous grooming blunders. The zany Chicken Joe washes his Pomeranian, but insists the skin is so bad he couldn't groom it. The fat, annoying girl leaves mats in the dog's muzzle. Some punkish girl gets a Pomerian that had hair dye and was disheveled and she made it so adorable. Kendra from The Girls Next Door is a guest judge because she's a dog lover- yeah, makes no sense. What's fun about this show is it seems the judges don't get along; the vet and the professional groomer seem to butt heads, which is great. In the end, lovable Chicken Joe leaves because he simply didn't groom. (Image from TV.Yahoo.com)

Tough Love - Steve makes the girls participate in a game show called "Cute or Crazy" where he reads facts about the girls and a crowd of guys hold up signs that say cute or crazy. It's all fun and games, except Abiola who is dubbed crazy since she asks her cat for dating advice and has a wedding ring because she married herself. Revealing secrets is Steve's ultimate lesson this week, and the girls do well revealing things about themselves, like previous marriages. Jody gets to meet that dude she has been dating's son, which is huge for her. Taylor does well opening up, and Arianne is only a mild hoe. It's Jessa that's troubling Steve, so much so that he gives her a lie detector test to get some truth! She's pissed and after passing the test tells Steve she just flat out doesn't like him. SERVED! (Image from Blog.VH1.com)

I Love Money - Saapyhri wins Paymaster and all hell breaks loose in Tailor Made's alliance. The 3 girls (Ice, Prancer, Myammee) teamed up to create the Pretty Girl Alliance (barf) and approach Saaphyri to take out TM. Saaphyri sees this as an opportunity to take out Myammee so approaches TM, and to seal the deal, she has him hide while the PGA confesses to wanting him out. SERVED! In the Vault, Myammee throws both Ice and Prancer under the bus and they end up in the box with dead-last-loser It. Injured Prancer cries and vows to take out huge beotch Myammee. Ice is called out for not voting Myammee into the box, even though Myammee voted Ice in- it's game suicide. Ice tries to smooth talk her way out of it, but even Saaphyri knows she'll won't turn on her alliance. At elimination, Saaphyri tells Ice that she vowed "no more dudes in this game" and votes out Ice. SERVED- and I can't stop laughing. (Image from VH1.com)

Dancing with the Stars - The beginning of my broadcast was interrupted because they caught the Craigslist Killer, but it appears this week everyone will be dancing different styles. Gilles Marini does well, but again, isn't as strong when it's ballroom, which is the opposite of Ty Murray who is far better at traditional ballroom. This week there actually aren't any real duds, except the entire group number (a 60s themed hot mess). I can't really predict whose going home, but I suppose I'll guess Ty Murray.

The results show is actually kind of interesting, as 6 new professionals are vying to be on next season. We'll watch 3 pairs dance and vote for one of those people to definitely return next season. This takes up the majority of the hour and in the last 5 minutes, Lawrence Taylor is voted off and couldn't be happier- no seriously, he's like really happy. (Image from ABC.com)

The Biggest Loser - I could talk about all the show in detail, or I can skip to the good stuff. Tara wins the challenge and either gets $10,000 or 1lb advantage at the next weigh-in. Knowing she's a player, I know she'll take the lb, but she takes the cash! I secretly hope she crashes and burns cause that's good TV, but she has a great weight-loss week. Helen and my poor Kristen are both under the yellow line. Kristen approaches Ron to confirm that he'll keep his word: that he'd never write Kristen's name down. Ron promises to keep his word... but that doesn't mean he's keeping her in the game. If a tie is forced, Kristen automatically leaves since she has the lowest weight-loss, so Ron tells this to his son Mike, so that Mike can protect himself. Sure enough, Mike forces the tie and Kristen is out- but not before calling Mike out. She said it's clear Mike already thinks he has won this game and is eliminating his only competition (he doesn't deny this). Screw you brown team! But Kristen, at home, had dropped 132lbs and plans to be under 200lbs for the finale- you go girl! (Images from NBC.com)

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Reality Rundown: One Leg in Bangkok

In this Reality Rundown...

The Amazing Race • New! Groomer Has It • Tough Love •
Dancing With the Stars • I Love Money • The Biggest Loser

The Amazing Race - Off to Bangkok, where the world's your oyster. The Roadblock requires one team member to properly put a propeller on a rod, then they will take this boat to the next clue. What 2 teams fail to consider is that this boat might not return, so 2 teams don't bring their bags with them to the next clue. Now I think this week has the most awesome Detours yet, and this is from someone who has loved several legs. The choices: fit 5 toothless people with the correct dentures or get in a party cab and sing karaoke with Thai Trannies. Both hilarious, but of course I'd go karaoke. Margie and Luke actually do the teeth and take first place. But here's the crazy stuff: the sisters try to check in, but left behind their backpacks and the fannypak with their passports, so they have to retrieve those before they can check in. The tiny brothers also left their backpacks so before they even do the detour, they go all the way back to get their gear. But they don't have much money, so they offer personal items as a bargain ("real expensive, very nice!"). So the brothers check in 4th, however, bargaining with personal items is a huge rule-breaker and worth a 2 hour penalty and they did this twice, so it's a 4 hour penalty! WOW! This is one rule I didn't know. So the sisters return and are safe. BUT, luckily for the little guys, this is a non-elimination leg so they are still in it, but downside is they will start 4 hours later for the penalty and will have to complete a Speedbump on the way. Ouch! These 2 are so dumb I wish they got eliminated, but look forward to them squirming through the next leg. (Original image from BuddyTV.com)

New! Groomer Has It - I admit, I enjoy this dog-pun filled show so I'll cover it occasionally. 12 dog groomers compete for the title Groomer of the Year, which also includes a new car, dog grooming van, and a cash prize (hosted by ex-Queer Eye Culture Gay, Jai Rodriguez). The Quick Sniff challenge has them in teams of 3 grooming a St. Bernard, but the only tools with tools they can get from houses in the neighborhood. The winning team makes their dog adorable and wins fancy dinner, while the others get Doggy Bags. The elimination challenge is to groom standard poodles (a groomer's ideal dog), but instead make them into art pieces. It's a trainwreck, and the losing team chose a Hollywood theme, but really hurt the dog's skin in the process. The guy in charge of the washing/brushing was to blame and "clipped." And sadly, the catchphrase "Every dog has its day, and today is not yours" is gone. (image from Animal Planet)

Tough Love - Tough beotch Stasha leaves the house with her new emo boyfriend that she met one week before the show. Jody's date comes to the house and apologizes for last week, and they kiss and make up. There's a funny lesson about judging guys who wear shirts, including "I have chlamydia" and "I'm impotent" which is great. Even after an early talk with Steve and his Mom, Arianne gets called out for being a slut, again- but Steve says the guy likes her so he'll set up another date. At a party to mingle, Taylor hits it off with a good looking young guy, but ditches him to instead hit on the rich 40-something throwing the party, which later lands her in the hot seat. She insists the older guy was sexy, but clearly the money is what makes him sexy but she won't admit it. The older guy was in fact an actor Steve sent him- haha! SERVED by Steve! (image from Blog.VH1.com)

Dancing with the Stars - I really didn't pay attention to the first 40 minutes, but that's probably a good thing. Tonight they danced either the Jive or the sexy Rumba. As I predicted, Gilles Marini was not as good at the fun, American Jive as he was with the Latin dances. Overall, and mainly based on the blips of dancing they show at the end with the voting numbers, I'd say Lawrence Taylor and Ty Murray were the 2 worst and will be in the bottom, with Lawrence going home.

On the Results Show, the celebrities get to design the costumes for next week. I'm pretty surprised when Lawrence Taylor is safe- so obviously Ty Murray and Steve-O are the bottom 2 and Steve-O goes home. (image from ABC.com)

I Love Money - Loudmouth is the challenge and the contestant who yells the loudest and longest after a few rounds will be Paymaster. Myammee and her lingerie win Paymaster, while 20 Pack is the dead last loser. However, 20 Pack doesn't care because he knows he's safe after the deal he made last week. But Tailor Made's alliance doesn't want to keep that deal, plus Myammee wasn't in the room so doesn't consider herself obligated to keep the deal. But Tailor Made wants to keep it; TM knows that in the end a jury essentially decides final 2 and he doesn't want to burn bridges. I20 Pack and Saaphyri are the frontrunners for eliminations. Saaphyri hates Myammee and is close to It, and 20 Pack is the strongest: so who goes home? When 20 gets called to get his check, he knows he's good but nope. Myamme says she sticks with her alliance and they want him gone. Check BOUNCED! (image from Blog.VH1.com)

The Biggest Loser - Makeovers with Tim Gunn! Everyone looks really sexy afterwards, though a beardless scary-without-a-shirt Ron is a little spooky. Ron's son/Mike's younger brother sees the new skinny family and feels like the odd fatty out- my mom called it the saddest thing she's ever seen on the show ever. With limited workouts this week, everyone prepares for bad numbers on the scale. To make matters worse, Lazy Laura (who has been less lazy lately, and has an amazing new look) has a stress fracture in her hip and can't do any real workouts. Lazy Laura and my girl Kristin fall below the yellow line, and it's a hard choice for the Losers. To me it's unfair for Laura to stay because she won't be able to truly take advantage of the ranch and the trainers anymore, so clearly Kristen should stay (and that's not just because I love me some Kristen). Tara is adamant about sending Laura home, saying she needs the support. Some consider voting off Kristen because she's a bigger threat, even after an amazing speech imploring them to keep her so she can get better- it's not about money, but being healthy for her. Kristen really does need it, so when she gets 2 votes at elimination, I panic. But in the end, Laura goes home and gets the medical help she needs. (images from NBC.com)

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Reality Rundown: Celebrity Apprentice, You're Fired!

The Reality Rundown is about to get a little shorter as The Celebrity Apprentice is getting dropped from my schedule. I've decided it's not worth my time or energy to watch this piece of crap. But for this last Apprentice post, bear with the length cause I get pretty angry! I'll save this lousy show for last.

In this Reality Rundown...
Tough Love • I Love Money • Dancing with the Stars • The Biggest Loser •
The Celebrity Apprentice

Tough Love - We can make this quick! The girls get practice dates at a trivia night, which really lets Taylor finally shine as a decent human being, but shows how big a hoe Arianne is. She is overtly sexual, to the point of slutty and crude, and may have even done under-the-table rubbing on her date. The 3 girls who have had connections with their matches get to continue the courtship, and one girl's is fantastic, another too slow, and Jody's makes her feel horrible for being 39 and single (hey, Scott Baio was 45). Feeling cornered by her date, Jody flips out, but once Steve and his mother talk to her and explain her date can't understand why this amazing woman is still single, she might give him another shot. Crazy Stasha isn't opening up because she loves a guy she met a week before the show, and even Steve knows this is ridic and she still needs his help. But the chaos occurs when Arianne gets in the hot seat and is shown her dirty skank behavior, and she demands to leave the show and throws around equipment to get her way. Drama! Next week: maybe cracking Arianne, gold digging Taylor re-emerges, and Jody's man shows up at the house to apologize. (image from Blog.VH1.com)

I Love Money - Bed hopping is the challenge and these skanky Moneygrubbers should be good at hopping bed to bed on a lake. 20 Pack blows away the competition with an astonishing 20 seconds, but poor Frenchy comes in last and is automatically in the box for elimination. Tailor Made and his a-hole alliance have the numbers so clearly my girls Buckwild and Saaphyri are going into the box, making this win for 20 Pack bittersweet. Despite some plans to try and save themselves, including Saaphyri fake-fainting in the Vault, it's a moot point. On the power outing, 20 Pack knows he owes Frenchy for saving him, but also sees that Buckwild and Saaphyri are better together than apart (like Bert and Ernie). But after the outing, the snake Tailor Made and his alliance offer 20 Pack safety next week if he gets rid of Buckwild. Don't do it 20! At elimination, Craig asks 20 to call down the first person to get a check: 20 asks Buckwild! Woohoo- suck it, Tailor Made! Wait, what?! He's cutting her! I'm pissed. A bit of my soul left my body when Buckwild was eliminated and there is nothing worse than a Saaphyri scorned. And 20 Pack is a moron to think that the A-hole alliance will keep him safe next week. (image from Blog.VH1.com)

Dancing with the Stars - This week contestants will perform either the Paso Doble or the Viennese Waltz. And when I tell you who is good and whose bad, it's pretty repetitive each week. Instead, I'll provide an opinion I have about the show. Gilles Marini is fantastic- he gets excellent scores and is a great dancer. However, every week Gilles Marini has pulled a Latin dance and has yet to perform a traditional ballroom number. I think if Gilles Marini pulled out the Lindy Hop last week, he would've been in trouble. I find it to be a crazy coincidence that the front-runner keeps getting the best dance for him every week. I think the show needs to operate in a different way to make it fair. How I think it should work is there are 2 dance options that week; you dance one of the dances that week, and then next week you dance the other. Rotate the dances each week, then it's a fair fight and each pair is on an equal playing field in terms of dances they have to perform.

Results show. Etta James performs "At Last," a Disney channel girl "sings," and shockingly Steve-o isn't eliminated. The bottom 2 are Lawrence Taylor (deservedly) and David Allen Grier (whaaaat?). After the dance-off and recalculating the scores based on the new performance and audience votes, poor D.A.G., who was so into this competition, has to hang up his dancing shoes. (image from ABC.com)

The Biggest Loser - Fallout from last week's vote and Ron is one pissed dude. I hope he gets eliminated finally cause he's such a manipulative jerk. Temptation time! The gym is filled with a whole bunch of silver platters and under each platter is some sort of awful treat they have to eat. But the catch! Under a couple there are cash prizes, but more importantly one platter contains a golden ticket which gives the person who finds it the only that will be vote cast this week. So they all pig out for control of the game. Lazy Laura ends up finding the ticket, who then thinks her partner Tara should throw the weigh-in so they can just vote out the other person (eventually, they talk her out of it). The trainers are pissed, rightfully so, and they work together to beat them all to a pulp. There's a challenge to win a trip to a fitness resort and of course Tara wins. At the weigh-in, it's pretty tense who could be below the yellow line, and I'm really hoping Laura falls below and loses her solo vote. Unfortunately, Helen and Sione fall below and I like them both, but Sione more. But Laura decides to send home Sione, breaking up the hilarious Tongan cousins. (images from NBC.com)

The Celebrity Apprentice - The teams are tasked to create a viral video for All Small & Mighty detergent. To give the show a twist, The Donald shuffles the teams and clearly one team stinks (the new KOTU, which still includes Clint Black), while Athena has the winners (Melissa Rivers, Annie Duke, Jesse James). Apparently for both teams, "small and mighty" translates to little people. Athena chooses to have little people wash Jesse James in muddy clothes and at the end, the LPs flip out and swear. KOTU is a hot mess: Clint Black is a dictator who is set on his lame idea about "doing the dirty laundry" which is code for having sex and then in the end the guy masturbates using All or something. It's terrible and even the All people try to explain their audience are women over age 25 who probably don't like J.O. jokes. I could go on forever about how horrible it is and all the drama that occurs, but visit Reality Blurred for the details. Perez Hilton gives his opinions and likes Athena's video, but his vote doesn't matter because the All people hate both (rightfully so), and The Donald will fire 2 people. Melissa brings T-Boz and Brande with her, and since T-Boz volunteered to come to the Boardroom, The Donald immediately fires her, citing some dude Bradford from another season. GMAFB!! T-Boz has been a great competitor and she contributed a great deal to this task, but he didn't even want to listen. Not even didn't want to, didn't even give her a chance. He's too busy ogling Brande Roderick to consider firing her (and she is getting visibly unnerved by his creepy comments each week). And for KOTU, it's one million percent clear Clint Black should go home for his awful idea, poor taste, and dictatorship control of the team, but The Donald obviously wants Clint around for the drama with Joan Rivers, so asks Natalie the Golfer if she'd like to leave so she could play golf (she says no). Then Donald gets on his high horse and lays into Khloe Kardashian for missing part of last week's challenge to attend DUI classes. He said had he known this before he wouldn't have let her on the show, goes on about how he hates drunk drivers, and then compares her to alcoholic Dennis Rodman. Then he fires Khloe! What the hell? (image from NBC.com)

So here's my Apprentice rant: I was not a Khloe Kardashian fan, but I've grown to not hate her on this show. She's shown she's smart with a business mind and deserves to compete. The Donald clearly fired her for personal reasons, and that's not what this show is about. And talk about hypocritical! For like 5 episodes, it was clear Dennis Rodman was abusing alcohol but was kept around. The man was drunk ON THE SHOW, yet Khloe is taking responsibility for her actions and is penalized? If The Donald is so against DUIs, maybe he should have relayed this info to casting before she was selected. If this were a non-celebrity season, the personal lives of contestants would have no impact on the firing. Once it was apparent The Donald was basically fishing for reasons to send anyone but Clint home, I knew I was done with this show. This show is off the Rundown and off my DVR as of this week; it's completely BS and fixed (moreso than the original Apprentice). It's not about finding a business person whose charity deserves the money: it's about ratings and drama. If you'd like to know more about why I hate this show, read my 5 Reasons I Hate the Celebrity Apprentice. (image from NBC.com)

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Reality Rundown: Last Call for Mr. Rodman

In this Reality Rundown...
The Amazing Race • The Celebrity Apprentice • I Love Money •
Tough Love • Dancing with the Stars • The Biggest Loser

The Amazing Race - The teams are off to Thailand, which is pretty exciting as it's a place I'd love to visit, and judging by the tasks this leg, this would be my favorite leg to compete in as well. Once the teams arrive in Thailand they have to find a gorilla statue by asking locals for the location, which is at the Phuket Zoo. It's a well-known fact that I love me some zoos (despite my bird-phobia); when I go out of town, chances are I visit that city's zoo or aquarium. Anyways, when the teams find the gorilla they have to complete a task in order to retrieve the next clue which is: 1. take a photograph with a tiger (the tiger's handler only had one arm- waa waa!), and 2. take part in this elephant thing where the elephant taps your butt a little and then squats over you (sounds weird, but I had faith the elephant wouldn't wee-wee on the contestants). So this is one pretty boss task and I get extremely TV jealous; however, my envy is short lived because my favorite team, Mike and Mel, take a wrong turn and end up behind the pack and I can just tell they will go home this episode. So then the contestants have to retrieve another clue by randomly picking from 99 drawers until you find a clue, which really shows the testy side of the red-haired cheerleaders (well, one of them. She's not too kind to any strangers). Mike and Mel, despite being behind, really make a good time of it, which is why they're my favorite team; they are here to enjoy the trip, not just win the prize. Finally, the Detour makes the contestants choose between loading barrels with water and moving 50 empty barrels or pulling a rickshaw 2 miles. The Stuntmen surprisingly are in the lead, so decide to prank the other contestants who choose the rickshaw by hiding and messing up the air pumps for the wheels. They also don't read the clue and ask their taxi driver to lead them through Phuket, but the directions on the clue clearly saw you can not hire someone to lead you. But I will say, these guys really rock the physical stuff since they are stuntmen. They take a huge lead and are first to the pit stop, HOWEVER, they received 2 30-minute penalities, but messing up the equipment and for following the cab driver. So they have to sit there and wait. With about 4 minutes left before their penalty ends, the Siblings check in and are now team #1 and win a trip to Oahu. Definitely SERVED! Not only did they lose it for being stupid (again), but they had to watch someone else get the prize. Margie and Luke check in 4th, but Margie passes out due to dehydration and it's pretty scary and a bit sad, because you see the fear in her son's face. His mother is his only way of communicating, but also his best friend. But she's immediately tended to and hydrated. Mike and Mel and the Sisters picked the barrel challenge, and for a minute, it really looks like Mike and Mel could get their reprieve... but they don't. My favorite team leaves, but with an even stronger bond. Next week: karaoke in a van! (image from CBS.com)

The Celebrity Apprentice - The project this week is for each team to run 5 rooms at the Loews Regency Hotel, which would include maid service, concierge, room service, etc. T-Boz (aka Tion) is the ladies project manager, while Dennis Rodman runs the men's team. Early on, Dennis has some great ideas and is able to get some great perks, like Mercedes to drive the guests around and food from the Carnegie Deli. But another perk Dennis loves? Open bar, and he begins to down Vodka Cranberrys. Dennis' level of celebrity helps in some cases, but later in the night he leaves to go have dinner with guests and then just peaces out. The women do great- T-Boz is probably one of the best leaders yet, even creating task lists to keep everyone busy. Joan rocks as the concierge, but has a tendency to forget to tell guests how much things cost which gets her in hot water. But here's my gripe: people kept complaining about prices, etc., but I seriously doubt these guests had to pay for a single thing as I bet the show covered it, so they needed to quit whining. But some of the requests are kind of crazy, like a woman who asked for tickets on the stage to Equus (translation: she wants to see Harry Potter full-frontal, up close)- but the men's team is able to pull it off, which is impressive. Two "celebrities" check in, Stephen Baldwin and Vincent Pastore, and are just sort of supposed to be guests to keep them on their toes- it's dumb. I could go on forever (like how one guest has a beautiful Cavalier King Charles Spaniel just like my Schroeder), but the teams go to the boardroom which ends up being an intervention for Dennis Rodman and his passion for Vodka Cranberry. This goes on for about 20 minutes and The Donald aknowledges it would be weird if he has to fire one of the women, since Dennis abandoned his team. Luckily, the women win the tasks based on guest feedback and Dennis is quickly sent packing. Last call, Mr. Rodman! Next week: based on the promos, mixing up the teams which could lead to what NBC describes as "celebrity mutiny"... suuuuure. (image from NBC.com)

I Love Money - Teams are gone, individuals are in. For the challenge, the players each have 2 dummies and they need to run around find dummies of their competitors and throw them under the bus. Whoever comes in dead last automatically ends up in the lockbox- and that's Cali. It remains a moron, having poor vision and being unable to identify who he is trying to throw under the bus. But Tailor Made wins and is Paymaster again- ugh. Lots of strategizing and mainly TM tries to get Cali not to vote for anyone and to make it a stalemate. Well Cali can't be that dumb, right? Nope- she votes with her former Green team members, and It and Myammee end up in the box- both alliance members with Tailor Made. TM is pissed, so this is great, but clearly Cali is going home. On the power outing, they play tennis and again, It is a complete moron and can't do anything right. Cali tries to defend herself and it's so inarticulate, completely idiotic... I hope she's drunk, but I think she is just stupid.Anyways, at the elimination Myammee gets her check first. TM calls It and Cali down and he tells Cali he's not going to void her check. The crowd goes wild!! WAIT! TM says he's not going to void Cali's check, Prancer will void it! Prancer saved Cali once but won't do it again and TM wouldn't get rid of someone in his alliance for one of these fools. (awesome image from Blog.VH1.com)

Tough Love - No better way to start the show than with the ladies taking sexy photos to learn the difference between sexy and slutty. Yeah, it really makes no sense but again it allows male feedback for them to point out some of the girls are real hoes or in Stasha's case, they call her a transexual. But the ladies are getting a treat! They go to a lingerie store to buy sexy outfits for their next dates- a pajama party! Jody is not into this at all, and I totally agree. For many this is a first or second date and a lot of this girls are kinda slutty, so why have them in lingerie? The bitchy girl, Taylor, gets pissed again because Steve set her up with a guy who isn't rich, so when her date isn't around she calls him a has-been, never-will-be and then openly tells the dude that maybe if he had money she'd consider him. Then gets completely trashed- it's embarassing. Abiola's on a third date with her guy, but seeing his feet apparently might be a deal breaker for her- this girl is nuts. But Jody's date is a real success and even has kissing- wooooo. But in group therapy, Taylor is called to the hot seat for having the worst date and she flips out at Steve calling her a gold digger. She then reveals that the reason why she wants someone stable with money is because she had a kid but was so broke she had to give him up for adoption, which is really sad. But next week, it looks like some girl gets pissed and trashes the house Rock of Love style- looking forward to it! (image from Blog.VH1.com)

Dancing with the Stars - Apparently it's a double elimination week, and there are some stinkers that I could see gone. This week they dance either the Argentinian Tango or the Lindy Hop (watch So You Think You Can Dance much?) Lil' Kim gets the first 10 of the season for her sizzling tango, but quickly is beaten by rejected Bachelorette Melissa's lindy hope (2 10's), and then Gilles Marini and his tango (3 10's- perfect score!) I am still on team Shawn Johnson who did OK, but not great, mostly doing better on her gymnastic moves than the dance part. The worst stay the worst, being Steve Wozniak, Hef's ex Holly, and Steve-O. I'm thinking the Woz and Holly will be out. I watched the results show in 4 minutes, I'm not even kidding. I skipped it all. So it appears the dance-offs are out and there will be a bottom 3 tonight and 2 go home. My predictions for the bottom 3 were spot on, as were my elimination picks- Holly and the Woz are out. So many duds this season, such a long way to go. (image from ABC.com)

The Biggest Loser - Alison Sweeney had her baby! And named her Megan! Finally, a celebrity with a normal baby name. Anyways, Bob's team is pissed that gives-me-nightmares-of-him-shirtless Ron, since Ron considered sending home an alliance member (Filipe) last week instead of Mandi. But more importantly, Ali, the first female winner of The Biggest Loser, returns to fill in for Alison and explains that she was able to win the show by having a second chance to return to the game- and the same will happen tonight. The 3 teammates who did not get a second chance to return earlier in the game will each weight in and the highest percentage of weight loss returns and has immunity. It's Nicole from Red, some old lady, and a really fat kid who didn't want to be there in the first place. Nicole easily gets back in the game, but turns out she lost 82 lbs at home and now has the second highest percentage of weight loss of all the contestants, with first place being Tara. So now Tara is frantic and even more annoying. Meanwhile, Ron starts getting chest pains and ends up going to the hospital. It appears he has bleeding ulcers in his stomach where his original gastic bypass was; needless to say, they pump him up with a lot of saline so his weigh-in this week will probably be a dud. At the challenge, an extra 1 lb is on the line, so everyone wants it to help their weight loss. The have to stand on platforms being held up on ropes and every few minutes a rope is dropped. I forgot to mention that in lieu of Alison Sweeney, for this challenge last season's winner, Michelle, hosts the challenge. The final 2 are Kristin and Sione and I'm happy with either winning the 1 lb, but Sione gets it. Time for what they teased as the most dramatic weigh-in so I'm thinking, yeah right. So Nicole, since she's immune, weighs in first and she has immunity unless she gains weight. Nicole gets on the scale and.. SHE GAINS 5 LBS!! Holy crap! It's sad, but I think the stress and adjusting to a new routine hurt her; and deep down, you know Tara is stoked for this. The numbers are all sort of low this week, but Lazy Laura gains a pound too! Oh man! Young Mike weighs in and gets 11, so he just hopes his dad does OK- Ron gained like 4 lbs I think so he's under the yellow line along with Nicole. This vote is tough and Nicole tells them that if the contestants meant what they said to her, that her return motivated them more, then to keep her around to better themselves. At the voting, it's tense. Mike easily votes Nicole, since duh, it's his dad. But Filipe is still kind of PO'd about last week and thinks Nicole deserves a second shot, so he turns on his alliance with Ron and votes Ron- oh snap! Laura and Tara also vote for Nicole to leave. Sione explains he's sick of using the "send home whoever could do best at home" excuse because, as he so accurately points out, they all go home sooner or later; so Sione and Helen vote for Ron also. WOW! It all comes down to Kristen.. and in the end, she decides that Ron really needs to be on the ranch more than Nicole so she's gone. So short lived! Oh Nicole, we barely knew thee... twice! But in her "now" video, Nicole's dropped 102 lbs and is buying a new wedding gown, since her old one was a size 22- now she's a 12. Next week: temptation! (image from NBC.com)

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Reality Rundown: Hey, Living in Your Parent's Basement Can't be THAT Bad...

In this week's Reality Rundown...
The Amazing Race • The Celebrity Apprentice • Tough Love •
I Love Money • Dancing With the Stars • The Biggest Loser

The Amazing Race - It's the annual leg of the race where the teams go to India, specifically the pink city known as Jaipur. Upon arriving, teams take cabs to this giant tree that is pretty awesome, like that Tree of Life at Disney's Animal Kingdom but real. Anyways, to get there the teams drive through and see the cruel poverty of the country and it's hard to watch. Cows and dogs with no food, hungry children- it's very sad and usually India is the country that really teaches the teams to step back and realize what kind of world we live in. OK, enough sentimental stuff. The Roadblock involves carrying hay and water to feed a camel and since they didn't read the clue well enough, old Mel has to do this challenge and it seems horrible- until he laps all those 20-somethings by being the only one smart enough to realize buckets are for water and the giant baskets are for hay. The Flight Attendants are in the back of the pack and will also have to do a Speed Bump this leg, which ends up to be painting an elephant's trunk which is too awesome. I would have loved to do that, and I'm sure so would have the other teams. The Detour gives teams the choice between riding bikes 1 1/2 miles that are dragging 9 barrels of hay, then going through those barrels to find a tiny silver elephant, or to put on costumes and dance on the street until you make 100 rupees. And if you're dumb enough to do the bikes, you deserve to go home... which is how I felt about the little Stuntmen. We get it, you're physical! But at the same time, there was the part about finding an elephant in a haystack which is always the death of some team. I get annoyed with the Race sometimes because I feel there are Detours where they clearly want teams to pick one over the other and it would make no sense whatsoever to do the other, which defeats the point of the Detour. A Detour should be a hard choice to make because there are pros and cons to each, like you can save energy but it will take you an hour, etc. At the mat, Phil and a guy playing nose flutes welcome first place team, siblings Tammy and Victor, and I think this is their third win (and now kayak owners). The Cheerleaders get set back about 20 minutes when they can't find their cab driver in the crowds, and he has their luggage. While you don't want anything horrible to happen to these people, secretly I kind of wish something like this would happen where the luggage gets stolen because it's so dramatic and would make for amazing TV (see: Dallas losing his passport). The Flight Attendants really make up time and I hope they stay in the race because of the Stuntmen's stupid Detour choice... but it's not enough. The Stuntmen make it there about 5 minutes before the Flight Attendants so ladies are Phil-iminated. Next week: Margie gets dehydrated and passes out on the Pit Stop Mat! (images from CBS.com)

The Celebrity Apprentice - ACN is this week's featured product placement, I mean task. Claudia, the Deal or No Deal girl, and Brian McKnight are the PMs. The task is to do a big product launch for ACN's video phones, which I thought were obsolete since these didn't take off years ago when they were launched (I think the Real World Seattle or something had video phones, or maybe Loveline- big whoop!) The women's team can't seem to overcome drama, with chaos in the brainstorming and Claudia and Melissa Rivers butting heads. The women focus their product launch on featuring the product and including video vignettes to show the emotional moments the phone could have, like watching baby's first steps and proposing to a Playboy Playmate, but relying mostly on the hilarious Joan Rivers to entertain the crowd. The men opt for a flashy Brian McKnight concert and a video with a West Point soldier calling home. Speaking of the men, Dennis Rodman has a meltdown. I, and I think the other contestants, still have no idea how it happened but suddenly Dennis starting hollering at Clint Black about god knows what. Dennis comes back a day later ready to work but Brian doesn't want his help at all (Brian also barely gives Clint anything to do). Dennis even tries to help get expensive monitors for free but Brian doesn't care, and it kind of looks like Dennis and Clint sort of bury the hatchet. Both teams do their presentations and I preferred the women's since it was about the product (but later changed my mind, realizing the vignettes were sort of obvious videos about using the product), whereas the men's was more like a Brian McKnight promotional event. But it's not up to The Donald to pick a winner, the 450 sales people attending the event decide, and we learn 85% of those people preferred the men, so the men finally pull a victory. Catfights ensue in the boardroom with the Athena ladies, with personal outweighing business. Melissa Rivers is a producer and felt she wasn't put to good use and it wasn't until she finally stood up and directed the show that things worked and the team agrees. Claudia doesn't care though and is gunning for Melissa who thinks her personality holds them back, so Joan Rivers interjects and takes down Claudia, calling her a "musher". Khloe Kardashian also thinks Claudia was a poor leader, so Claudia calls her out for doing nothing, but Khloe defends herself. But it's hard to follow the boardroom, since The Donald was interjecting with random conversations in no way associated with the upcoming firing. He kept going back to Brande Roderick kissing the actor in their vignette and it's really annoying. Part of my problem with the celebrity version of this show is Donald considers these people more his peers, so he's not truly looking at this from a business standpoint and lets more shenanigans go on in the boardroom than the traditional version. The cheesy vignettes are what the Trumps believe lost Athena the challenge, so that's all Claudia, and despite her best efforts to take out the others (she had a shot with getting out Khloe since she did little, but Melissa was definitely staying since even Claudia admitted Melissa succeeded), Claudia goes home. I wish when she left Trump Tower she had a really shiny silver briefcase. Next week: Dennis is always drunk so they have a boardroom intervention. Ummm... dumb. (image from NBC.com)

Tough Love – The women first go to the gym to work with an attractive personal trainer and of course, the trainers afterwards tell Steve Baio their thoughts about the woman. One woman, Jody, won’t stop talking about her job and Steve urges her to look outside her normal type because she’s older and chances are she’s going to end up with a guy who has kids and divorced. And Stasha, who loves to sunbathe topless and yap about being in Playboy eventhough she looks like a beat Sandra Bullock, is a real hardass in the gym and a know-it-all. As her trainer points out scary, and not in a good way. But Steve is actually really great and offers a lot of good tips for dating, like texting should be on a need to know basis (listen up ladies!). Steve then sets all the women up on dates, but they’ll have an accessory to wear. I am thinking stupid hat or fake teeth to make them ugly… no, it’s those shock collars you put on dogs. Steve is going to watch the date and shock the girls when they follow their bad habits, like talking about old relationships, being negative, etc. It’s fun to watch the girls wince when the dates have no ideas they’re being shocked. Others do well on their dates, others not so well- and by others I should just say Stasha, who claimed she was Playmate of the Year, was negative, and picked her nose. ZAP! Abiola, who won last week’s challenge, gets to go on a date with the guy who she hit it off last week (Terrence) and who thought he could “take her home to mom” and “have a pillow fight with her.” She doesn’t have to wear a collar, but it wouldn’t matter anyways because they really hit it off. The House Bitch/Chyna lookalike Taylor is back and she’s so annoying because I know she’s just there for TV and asks if anyone put the zapper on their lady parts- hoe. The women get together with Steve for group therapy where they evaluate the dates to learn from others mistakes, and victories. Abiola gives her date a 9.5, and then busts out a list to explain how she gave him points, taking away and adding points- Steve rips it up! Learn about a guy before you put him on a scale. Steve is so wise. Steve reallys knows his shiznit and my mom has already indicated she’d like to set me up on an appointment to get matched by Steve- thanks Dawnald! Anyways, Steve basically tells a girl named Arianne (who apparently is a Miss Howard Stern, so I’ve likely heard her be slutty on the radio) to stop trying to be a slut and accept love, so after group therapy she starts flipping out and says she can’t wait for Steve to marry a Stepford wife and then cheat on the wife with a girl like her- then she calls home crying to her mom. I enjoy this show! No eliminations, just self growth. Well for some of them. (Image from Blog.VH1.com)

I Love Money - The challenge this week to hang high above water and untangle ropes, and if anyone releases themselves before being untangled they get a 10 minute penalty. The other catch is only 3 people participate: the team captain and 2 people they consider most loyal (the other teammates will hang up as dead weight). Saaphyri is the Green captain and she chooses The Entertainer and Frenchy- they finish the challenge in 6 minutes. Tailor Made is Gold's captain and selects Ice and Prancer- but this doesn't stop Buckwild and 20 Pack from trying to throw the challenge by rocking the ropes. And it works- Tailor Made falls! But it turns out, TM (Tailor Made) didn't pull his release, the rope broke on it's own, so Gold gets to do the challenge a second time and wins. BOO! So now they need to figure out who should go in the box for elimination, and TM is gunning for the Entertainer. The Entertainer tries his hardest to get everyone else in the box, especially It, which doesn't please It (who has been in talks with the Gold Team) or his "romance alliance" Saaphyri. So now, Saaphyri isn't trusting The Entertainer and is thinking of getting him in the box with It's help. And she does it- Frank is in the box and he is livid. So now The Entertainer goes to get Saaphyri in the box, and the gloves are OFF. But there isn't a consensus, and if there isn't a consensus the Gold Team's Paymaster chooses who goes into the box- and time runs out, so TM chooses Frenchy, Saaphyri, and Frank. Man I hate Tailor Made, but it's a masterful play to take out someone from that alliance. The Power Outing is lots of fighting between Entertainer and Saaphyri, both trying their hardest to get the other out, whereas Frenchy thinks everyone should get laid. Frenchy is easily saved, so it comes to Frank the Entertainer and Saaphyri. While TM knows Frank would be loyal to him, TM already has an alliance so the Entertainer is GONE and he lets out one reeeeeally long "F***********k!" (see image). Served by Tailor Made. How sad- I was routing for The Entertainer so he could get out of his parent's basement. But now, teams are gone, it's individuals baby! (amazing animated image from Blog.VH1.com)

Dancing with the Stars - I really watch this show for the blog, so don't mind if there is little to no interest here! I watched a 2 hour episode in about 25 minutes. I didn't watch Steve Wozniak cause I knew he'd be a clunker. Steve-O was (judges not so much) injured again this week but I thought he wasn't too bad (. Shawn Johnson is my pick to win, but I know Gilles Marini could give her a run for the title. Ty Murray's partner, the professional, slipped during their performance so that was entertaining. Lil' Kim's face is still scary, Holly Madison looked like a Barbie doll dancing- meaning her limbs didn't move. I don't remember much else but if this is a "fair" competition, the Woz has to get eliminated this week. And you won't believe this but I actually watched the results show but there's 2 words and a conjuction of why I watched: HALL & OATES. They perform "Maneater" while the professional dancers do some jazzy stuff. That Adele chick performs too but I fast-forward. Actually I fast forward through everything but results and Hall & Oates. So the couples in the bottom 2 and are going to have a dance off are... Holly Madison and Denise Richards. Battle of the E! Babes! After the Showdown, Denise Richards is eliminated. Hey: It's Complicated! But the best part of the night is at the end of the episode they play "She's Gone" by Hall & Oates and that gives me a hearty laugh! (original image from ABC.com)

The Biggest Loser - Teams are out, individuals are in. Everyone gets to re-don their original colors and select their trainer. Lazy Laura, has-to-win-everything-Tara, Helen, and the young Mike stay with Jillian (young Mike chose by a flip of the coin, which offends Bob). Kristen, Aubrey, Sione, Filipe, and scary-without-a-shirt Ron join Bob. So they all train and Kristen is just a few pounds shy of the big 100 so she really wants Bob's help this week; Tara is also close. Time for a challenge with immunity on the line. First, all the contestants have a bunch of blocks that indicate how much weight they lost. They will spread this weight out to other people and this weight will impact them in the second part of the challenge. Everyone gives their weight to Tara (257 lbs) and Helen (215 lbs) basically. Helen takes it in stride, but Tara gets all pissy and hey Tara, quit whining. You are the strongest person in the competition, why would they not handicap you? I guess the whole laughing in her face about it is harsh, but I laughed really hard too because I'm tired of her attitude of being the best and having to win it all. So the challenge is that they'll have to pull a car half a mile and in those cars they will add the extra weight (also add in a Nascar and Cheerios product placement). Sione and Young Mike start in the lead, but all the rage inside Tara turns her into the Hulk and SHE WINS AGAIN. Jesus, and she wonders why they (and me) can't stand her. Cause then in her interviews, she's a braggart. After the last chance work outs, time for the weigh-in. Tara's immune so weighs in first and is 4 lbs away from the 100 lb milestone... and she loses 3 lbs- HAHA! Kristen, the 100lbs is yours for the taking!! Kristen gets up on the scale and loses 8 lbs!!! Kristen makes history and is now the biggest female on-campus loser, for all seasons of the show. Sione also hits the 100 lb milestone, but that happens all the time for dudes (and already happened to young Mike), but still, good for him cause I like Sione. So the 2 lowest weigh loss losers fall below the bottom line and are up for elimination; those 2 are Aubrey and Filipe. Oh no! Filipe lost 101 lbs total, but that's not enough weight to keep him safe this week. I fear Filipe is going home- he's a huge threat, though Aubrey can be a threat and is a total loud mouth. And with lots of tears and giant silver platters, Aubrey is going home. But the good thing is Aubrey can help her dad, who's got to be pushing 500-600 lbs lose the weight too. But as soon as she gets home, she starts gaining weight. In 3 weeks, she gained back 9 lbs because at home she puts everyone else first, which is how she got fat the first time. But it's inspired her to get back on the treadmill and drop those pounds- her goal is to be 125 for the finale. We shall see! Next week: Second chance to re-enter the game! And scary-without-a-shirt Ron has a medical scare! (image from NBC.com)

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Reality Rundown: It's a Pretty-full "Lion"

In this Reality Rundown...

The Amazing Race • The Celebrity Apprentice • New! Tough Love •
I Love Money • Dancing with the Stars • The Biggest Loser

The Amazing Race - The race heads to Russia this week, where all the teams are caught up to each other since they have to take the one train to Russia and it has sleeper cars. How fun! It's like the Hogwarts Express! Right off the bat, the sisters don't follow the pack and end up behind. The Detour is a choice between driving a snowplow or finding a Russian bride and delivering her to her future hubbie. Mike and Mel opt for the brides because they take the same attitude I have towards the Race: pick whichever is more fun, and what is more fun than Russian brides? The teams also have to drive around Russia using a stick shift which doesn't seem to cause as much trouble as it usually does. The flight attendants, who were first last week, pay someone to direct them and end up at a wrong church and way behind. Dumb! Cab drivers and locals always say they know where the place is because they want money, not because they really know. And for the Roadblock, a team member (and host Phil!) has to get down into their skivvies and run a marathon. Not a lot of whistling and hooting, but there are a few awkward glances. The mom and son come in first again and at this point, I really am thinking it's non-elimination. And when the flight attendants check in last Phil is sorry to tell them that they'll be starting last next week and will need to complete a Speed Bump along with their other tasks. Non-elimination episodes always kind of feel like a tease or a time-waster, but I do enjoy the Speed Bumps so we'll see how it goes. (image from CBS.com)

The Celebrity Apprentice - KOTU and Athena open up competiting wedding dress stores this week, with project managers Tom Green and Brande Roderick (Playboy Playmate, but more importantly, Baywatch babe). The women focus on making it a real experience, with flowers, champagne, bridal consultants, makeovers, etc. Dennis volunteers to walk the streets to get hype going, but hype to Dennis means Vodka Cranberrys at local restaurants. On the day of the challenge, Dennis has "an allergic reaction to cats" and doesn't show up, and this is a huge detriment. Had Dennis been on my team, I would've used Dennis and his past experience in a wedding dress to sell the hell out of my gowns. The men's store is pretty ugly and they know they are relying more on "corporate funding" which means begging famous friends for money. Clint Black and Hershel Walker both get huge donations, but so do the women. In the end, the women win again with $100,000 made (the men made around $60k). The men are back in the backroom and it's down to Tom, a bad leader who may have overslept, and Dennis, who didn't show and didn't care. Jesse James recommends sending both home, which would be the right thing to do. But instead, Donald fires Tom because he needs Dennis for the ratings. So now the men's team has a whole bunch of dullards with no business accumen. The ladies are going to take this whole thing. Joan Rivers FTW! (For the Win) (original image from NBC.com)

New! Tough Love - Some guy named Steve Ward who sounds just like Scott Baio is a matchmaker that will help 8 hopeless women improve themselves and find love in a house I believe was used for either Rock of Love or Flavor of Love. I can't figure out what show was filmed there before and it's driving me nuts. First way to do it- speed date and point out your flaws. THEN have guys give their honest opinion of them like "F*** her, not date her" and "fat." Hey, deal with it ladies, the show's call Tough Love! So to help them get better there is one easy first step. You guessed it: MAKEOVERS! After makeovers, the claws come out, mostly from some annoying skank named Taylor, who looks like Chyna meets Khloe Kardashian. New quote of my life: "Every guy wants a cat fight, but nobody wants to date the cat!" The ladies then get a night out on the town and the guys from speed dating are there and the women are doing pretty well. And after the night on the town, again the guys they talk to give their opinions about the ladies, some positive ("best personality", "can take home to mom," and of course "have a pillow fight with"), some negative ("nothing 8 guys can even remember of her"). Steve Baio then gives critiques and tells them he has to trust him and believe in themselves- motivational! So boot camp begins and it looks like Bad Girls Club looking for love, but without the arrests. (image from Blog.VH1.com)

I Love Money - The challenge- strip to bathing suits and retrieve 6 gold coins out of big chunks of ice. It's neck and neck the whole time- even Buckwild is helping her team out. That is until coin 6, in one of the most amazing, hilarious challenge throwings I've seen on a reality show. Prancer and Buckwild retrieve the last coin and when it's loose, Buckwild grabs it and makes a mad dash to throw it into the ocean. Green wins and Frenchy is the Paymaster, which for her means trying to get 20 Pack to sleep with her or look at her self described "pretty-full" boobs to stay in the game. And speaking of showmance, Saaphyri and It (yes, that's his name) make out during truth or dare. That's right- It is still in the game and not in a single alliance. Someone I considered one of the most annoying people on all the I Loves show could win this! The Tailor Made Alliance is trying really hard to put another person in the box to convince Frenchy to kick out someone on her alliance, she they go with Bonez. Don't waver Frenchy! So on the power outing, nerdo Bonez busts out a paper list with the names of all the new alliance members she could have. But as he lists names, he says Cali. But wait, isn't Cali on the Entertainer alliance? Looks like Cali is most likely to be SERVED in the future. At elimination, Frenchy gets 20 Pack to french kiss her to stay in the game and it's creepy of course. My girl Buckwild is safe again because she's "royal" to Frenchy (she means loyal), and Bonez is gone- take that Tailor Made "lion" (poor Angelique can't pronounce alliance). (image from Blog.VH1.com)

Dancing with the Stars - Again, I watched in fast forward so it's limited coverage. The salsa and the quickstep are the two dances for the night, and despite calling it quickstep, it's really boring. Best scores are given to Gilles "Full Frontal" Marini (all 9's!) and Melissa the jilted Bachelorette. Steve Wozniak is still awful and there is no way he'll last. Steve-O got injured so didn't dance and viewers have to judge based on his dress performance, which I didn't find bad but the judges said in no way was it a salsa. I find myself routing for Holly, Hef's ex, cause she's bubbly and an underdog. Little Shawn Johnson the gymnast was great again, but she was so spray tanned it was creepy- she also reminded me of Amy Roloff. Sorry! I don't watch the results show, but learned the results from Jimmy Kimmel Live. This year, America votes and the bottom 2 pairs compete in a dance off and the judges decide. So much for America's pick, but it makes sense. So the bottom 2 are Steve Wozniak and Belinda Carlisle from the Go Go's, with Belinda going home. I'm ok with that. (image from ABC.com)

The Biggest Loser - Alison reveals to the contestants that they are all going home for a week and everyone is excited to see their families, but nervous because going home also presents a lot of challenges and temptations. Speaking of temptations, one arrives! In a bucket, the Losers are told that while at home they will be running a half marathon (13 miles) for a challenge and the winner gets $10,000, but they won't know who won until they return to the ranch. The temptation is that there are 13 cookies in that bucket and for each cookie you eat, you can add 5 minutes to someone else's time, so has-to-win-everything Tara better watch out. Helen eats a cookie, and according to what we see, Aubrey eats at least one. So they all run their marathons and no surprise, Tara wins, but only by 1 minute (if Sione hadn't got a cramp and stopped he so would've won). A bunch of stuff happens at home where they inspire friends and family to lose weight and have to avoid junk food, etc etc. Back at the ranch, the results of the challenge are given and Tara won the marathon- but did she have any time penalties? YES! 5 minutes from Helen- Sione wins! But I'm confused because it clearly looked like Aubrey ate cookies. So either it was a fake out, or she's not fessing up. Tara is bitter, obviously, pointing out to Helen that Helen ate a cookie and still didn't win. Last chance workout! They've focused on Aubrey a lot this episode, so I think her time must be coming to an end. At the weigh-in, my poor Kristen gains 1lb and her mom loses only 1lb, so Black wins the weigh-in... again. So the tough decision comes of who to send home, and scary-without-shirt Ron is immune. Aubrey looks like the clear choice to go home, since Kathy, Kristen, and Ron have been a mini alliance of former Bob team. But Kathy volunteers to go home. And I find it amusing that Aubrey keeps saying, "You don't need to sacrifice yourself for me. But I mean, I do want to be here." It came off like a back-handed compliment sort of thing to me. So at Elimination, Kathy goes home and Kristen is left to fight for herself- tear! (images from NBC.com)

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