Reality Rundown: Winning is the Icing on the Cake

The Amazing Race • The Biggest Loser • Survivor: Nicaragua •
Finale! Top Chef: Just Desserts

The Amazing Race - The teams have to book flights to Muscat, Oman and all the teams end up at the same travel agency to book their flight, but Chad and Stephanie are mysteriously MIA. That's because they overslept! Suckerrrrs! The Doctors and Brook/Claire get an 8:55PM arrival, while other teams are stuck on a later flight arriving 2 hours later. At 4:30AM, 2 hours past their departure time, Chad and Stephanie leave their hotel as complete morons. Chad and Stephanie luck out and get a flight that arrives only 10 minutes after the 2nd flight. Boooo! No fun!

Upon arrival in Muscat, the teams retrieve some shiny silver stones with departure times for the next morning, so it's the who-gives-a-shit-if-you-got-a-good-flight blues. Chad and Stephanie, you know the couple who scream at each other all the time, get ENGAGED while waiting for their 7:45AM departure. Their relationship status gets updated on the screen, the teams swoon, and yeah good times. Back to the good stuff: the racers retrieve their clue to drive to Jebel Shams, the tallest mountain in Oman, and a driver will take them to the top. Gary and Mallory are the only team who don't seek help from locals, and their map gets them super lost. For the teams that actually get to Jebel Shams, there is a Road Block to repel down the mountain and search genie lamps for Aladdin's magic ring.

The teams make their way to a monument that's a big stack of books (neeeeerds!) and get their Detour. Teams can either pump water from a well into a truck and deliver it or make a traditional wedding soup. Everyone picks water- duh. The early leaders are Chad/Stephanie and Jill/Thomas, aka a-hole couples. While it seems like Pit Stop time, the couples now have to get some frankincense at the market and deliver it to Ali Baba to get another clue (finally for the Pit Stop). Jill/Thomas check in 1st but receive a 30 minute penalty for paying a cabbie to lead them to the Pit Stop (which the clue told them not to do). Chad and Stephanie instead get team #1 honors and win a trip to Belize- hellooo, honeymoon. Turns out the Doctors and Gary/Mallory are way behind the pack, so it looks like one of the 2 teams I actually like could be going home. Gary and Mallory, the spunky father/daughter team that I am 6 degrees of separation away from, are eliminated from the race. It's a bummer since I don't like 3 of the remaining 5 teams.

The Biggest Loser - The game switches back to individuals, probably so the women stand a chance. Bob is upset Jesse and Aaron get eliminated, as he was really personally invested in them. After some pep talks and work-outs, Bob and Jillian deliver some wonderful news to 7 people: videos from home! I say 7 because contestant #8, Ada, does not have her video. Apparently her family blames her for the death of 2 of her brothers; so yeah, downer. The losers want her to feel the love, so they make a video for her as her new family- awww. I barely watch the videos but essentially their fat loved ones are trying to the drop the weight at home too.

Because Ada is haunted enough by her family by not getting a video, the challenge takes place at a pool, so great week. They have to balance at different time increments, with a challenge another person aspect, and the winner gets a 1lb advantage at the weigh-in. Red shirt Mark wins the challenge which honestly lasts forever; so glad I DVR this show. Also, Lisa wins a $500 gift card for making a low-calorie sub. Weigh-in brings the announcement that next week is makeover week (I imagine my mom "wooo-ing!" from the couch). As the men inch closer to 100lb losses, the women struggle. Elizabeth and Jessica fall below the yellow line. Who is going home without a fancy new wardrobe and haircut? Jessica.

Survivor: Nicaragua - In blatant foreshadowing, Fabio talks about the need to keep the fire going all the time so they barricade the fire with wooden chests full of food, etc. Since the preview set-up Brenda and Sash running this game one of them is probably going home. The castaways begin to realize Brenda is running everything and a power play might need to be put in motion and it's Holly leading the rebellion. Even NaOnka, Brenda's pal, wants her out cause she didn't come out here to go home with nothing; Chase still thinks Benry should go first. Chase is Brenda's bitch.

The reward challenge is to cross planks with some barrels and rope without touching the ground (like the game you play at home @phil_robinson said on Twitter). The winning team (Chase, Jane, NaOnka, Fabio, Purple Kelly) gets to go slide down a volcano where there's also a feast of pizza, brownies, and soda. While that team is having the time of their lives, the Libertad camp is up in flames from the fire. It's like the Saved by the Bell: The New Class where Ryan left the Christmas tree lights on in The Max all night and burns The Max down. This should be more interesting but it's just like, "Good work dummies. Now you have no food."

So first thing Chase does is blab to Brenda about the plan to get her out. Ugh Chase- such a lil' bitch. Chase is trying so hard to get NaOnka back on their side, trying to get Benry out. Nay finally wakes up and decides to swap sides and align with the side that wants to take out power players, and they all get in some good Chase bashing because he's Brenda's lapdog. Jane wins immunity in a leaning/balance challenge, narrowly beating out Chase. Back at camp, Chase still doesn't trust Benry is hellbent on trying to get him out. NaOnka informs Sash of the plan to get Brenda out, leaving him a little puzzled what move to make and if perhaps he should give her the immunity idol. Chase also informs Brenda that Nay is the one who jumped ship, which pisses her off and makes her voting plan to blindside NaOnka.

At Tribal Council, Brenda calls out NaOnka jumping ship and Nay denies it, blames Chase. Purple Kelly finally speaks and she's as out of the loop in the game as we are of who she actually is. Brenda wants to stay in the game but refuses to scramble, because she sees it as a sign of weakness. Jeff brings out the urn of votes and when he asks the infamous immunity idol question, Sash does not give it to Brenda. It. is. AWESOME. Brenda is voted out of the game and I really thought people didn't see her running everything before but alas, I was wrong. I thought Brenda had the game in the bag but man, power plays rule!

Finale! Top Chef: Just Desserts - The chefs must create a progressive four course dessert tasting for their final challenge. At a special night occasion they find Johnny and his 50's soda jerk hair waiting for them with a cocktail in head and wisdom to share. Johnny brings out some desserts and he brings out the chefs who made them... and they're no ex-contestants! Now that's a twist! Their sous chefs for the final challenge are 3 top pastry chefs.

The feeling in the kitchen is "anyone but Morgan" who's always a tool and cranked up the AC while Yigit, sick with a cold, slept. His sous chefs? Also admits she hates him- to other judges! Listen, the dude's talented by a major tool. The tool is making this cake, which I can't spell, that resembles a tree. Danielle is making one dish an ice cream sampler and Yigit doesn't want to budge on what he's making. One day 2 of prep, the famous sous chefs are out and ex-contestant sous chefs are in. Offffff course. Morgan pulls Heather H and really believes she'd F him over. I honestly forget who these other sous chefs are they got picked; the unpicked get to dine at the tasting, so waaaay better. The tasting happens- makes me hungry.

Final judges' table time! Danielle's ice cream sampler is universally loved and her chocolate pudding cake is ugly but delicious. Yigit's sorbet and ice cream dish blow the mind. They liked his date metaphor and that it was cute but tasted so sophisticated. His made a pineapple coconut cake that I'm dying to try and even braised the pineapple 5 hours. Morgan's souffles crashed, though it was a good taste and contrast. His bahmkuken was well-done and eventhough he did a macaroon again, he nailed it. And the winner of the first ever Top Chef: Just Desserts is... YIGIT. Team Go Diva FTW.



Photo Credits: BravoTV.com, CBS.com, NBC.com, Survivor.com

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Reality Rundown: Disco Dust is Dead

The Amazing Race • The Biggest Loser • Survivor: Nicaragua •
Top Chef: Just Desserts

The Amazing Race -The teams remain in Russia for this leg and get their first clue instructing them to "join the circus." Task #1 is a Detour: learn a Russian folk song on the accordion or spin 10 plates on poles. The immediate first impression is to pick the plates, which I assume as well, but everyone sucks and begins to swap Detours again (except the Doctors and Gary/Mallory who picked accordions first). Brook/Claire are the ace of plates, probably because they sell a lot of plates on TV, and leave the Detour first, followed shortly after by the Doctors. They receive their next clue directing them to Bank Bridge, where they'll find their next clue between some statues that remind me of those laser-eyes statues from The Neverending Story.

At the bridge they receive a clue to go to some random building but the rules strictly forbids paying a taxi to lead them there; they can only receive help from locals. I'm sure this narration will have no impact whatsoever on the race Amazing Race wrong gong noise> They have to climb the tower and find some teeny statue sending them to a church. Exposition OVERLOAD. The Doctors and Nick/Vicki find their way first, teaming up to get ahead since the Doctors are awesome at everything. Bad news for the Kevin/Michael: they didn't read the directions and took a cab. D'oh. Nick and Kat (or Nat?) figure out the clue, then mislead the other teams. They walk to the church and find yet another clue, sending them Peter and Paul Fortress for another clue. This is a shitty recapping episode- am I right? Kevin/Michael are mad they were lied to, but I think they'll be madder when they realize they kept taking cabs and didn't read a clue right. Brook/Claire were smart enough to re-read the clue and go back and complete their walking portion. Final clue of the night is a Road Block: play a Russian version of bowling called "gorodki." They'll have to complete 3 formations, none of which involve knocking Phil Keoghan off the pins like the promo made it appear. Boo! We want contestant-on-host violence!

Nat and Kat are awesome at gorodki and check into the Pit Stop first: they win $5,000 each. More and more teams arrive as Michael/Kevin lag behind since the dad, the weakest man on the race, has to do this physical challenge. Jill/Thomas and Michael/Kevin having grabby cabbies that want their money. Meanwhile, Stephanie finally knocks down the pins and Chad recommends they ditch the bags if they want to stand a chance at a footrace against Kevin/Michael. Chad/Stephanie get there first but learn they must pay the cab driver before checking in, so they go back. Kevin/Michael arrive to check-in but find out from Phil they received two 30 minute penalties for not following the rules; yup a whole hour. Chad/Stephanie run back, pay the cab, and walk back to the check-in but they also didn't follow the rules. Since their 30 minute penalty would lapse before Kevin/Michael's 1 hour, they are team #6 and Kevin/Michael are eliminated. Ahhh reading is power.

The Biggest Loser - The losers return to the ranch to find Ali in the kitchen and she ain't hockin' Jennie-O turkey. After what, 3 weeks with teams, everyone will return to original colors however they are now competing as pairs. And a whole pair will go home this week. How will they pair up? After a hard work-out with Bob and Jillian, they set down to dinner with Alison at a fancy table and she announces dinner is a Temptation challenge: after a 3 course meal (which they get to select off a menu), whoever eats the most calories at dinner wins. Only Elizabeth, Aaron and Brendon are into this party, gorging themselves on calorie-rific food. Brendon makes a deal to let Aaron partner with Jesse to make him drop off. Lisa, who ate healthy all meal, indulges on dessert and is floored when she finds out she ate a 1,400 calorie dessert; she says she'd never do this at home, but Frado wisely points out, "But you're on The Biggest Loser." Duuuur. Brendon ate a total of 3,500 calories and wins the Temptation. Everyone is pretty satisfied with their partnerships, except Ada who wanted to be paired with a strong guy and didn't like Aaron getting paired with who he wanted. Waaaaaaah.

Bob and Jillian don't care for the pairings, both as a concept overall and who is paired with who, and predicts 2 women will leave this week. Later there is a challenge to stack sugar cubes one at a time into a 5ft tower. Ada and Jessica at least display that the girls aren't completely useless in the game by winning the challenge. Then they address women and desserts with the new Extra Dessert gum and, for realsies, it's DELICIOUS. Mel Got Served APPROVED. Bob then gives Lisa a reminder and how much she needs to be on the ranch and not chowin' down on desserts that aren't product placement gum.

At the weigh-in, Bob and Jillian flip out upon learning Lisa cooked Elizabeth's food all week. Aaron and Jesse proceed to lose only 20lbs together; but Aaron had a huge number last week, so the 4 makes sense. Lisa and Elizabeth both come up at 8lbs, but Elizabeth feels like crap since B&J berated her. They get into a passive aggressive argument with Lisa and Elizabeth and them not wanting to really be there, and Lisa says she's still in the game because she's "a placeholder" for Frado and Brendon to beat in the end; crying ensues. I like this term and will apply it to many shows- like Survivor: Nicaragua having like 6 placeholders still around. Brendon and Patrick demolish everyone, with Patrick losing 19lbs and Brendon 18. Ada and Jessica overcome the lady odds and stay above the Yellow line. So up for elimination are Aaron/Jesse and Lisa/Elizabeth. The votes are cast and the placeholders stay put, sending Aaron/Jesse home and crushing Aaron, who considers being votes off by Patrick a complete betrayal of friendship. Good news is in the live at-home reveal they're both skinny.

Survivor: Nicaragua - The tribe isn't buying Marty's speech; Jane is now calling him Farty, so yeah, she's hysterical. Marty knows he's on the chopping block, so approaches some of his possible allies for a plan to pretend to vote for NaOnka but actually vote off Jane. Jane wants to whoop his ass in a wood shed.

The Reward Challenge is an obstacle course, all to collect 3 keys to open locks; yes there is a wall of hay! In fact there's a hay wall, stick barricade, and a brick wall; wonder where they got that from- hmmmm. The teams were randomly drawn, but fate said, let's make it men vs. women so the women can not be able to break the stuff. The winning team, the men (sans Chase, who sat out but picked to side with the ladies), get a canopy tour, zipline ride, and of course food in the form of a BBQ. Purple Kelly, who I don't think has spoken all season, begins crying because she's so hungry and lost. Jeff gives a proposition that the men could give up their spot for a woman to eat and they decline. Hello, it's a BBQ and zipline. Of course, Marty thinks this is a great time to talk game with the guys and it's like, you idiot, why would you tell Sash? They also discuss the Brenda/Chase bond- sounds like my initial pick to win could be in hot water.

Even Brenda knows Chase is kind of dumb: a puppy who follows around his lady pals. The women want Marty out, but Holly has some trepidation about Brenda and Sash's bond but Chase half trusts her, half doesn't. He tries to talk to her, ignoring Nay's advice to not ignore her; someone's becoming a liability. The Immunity Challenge is a memory challenge of turning blocks to display a pattern of symbols. Brenda beats out Marty for the necklace, which bums me out as I'd love to see Jane still try to cast a vote for an immune Marty. The guys are still planning to get NaOnka to flush out her idol and let Chase know their plans. Everyone is still hinging on the vote of Brenda, because these morons still can't realize how amazing of a player she is; she runs this shit, not Sash! Brenda and Sash convene and agree that it's a good idea to flush the idol and maybe to keep Marty around to have a thorn in the side to the women and Chase; they don't like the new Chase/Holly/Jane bond. Running the game, they are running the game and I love it!

At Tribal, Jane's likability is the main topic of discussion because you don't bring the funny old lady to the end if you want to win. Jeff brings up Nay's food stealing and gets a little terse with him, admits she's human and she screws up, and doesn't like Marty at all. There's a lot of giggling from the Nay/Marty bickering- it sounds like a 4th grade classroom. Fabio expresses his irritation with Nay and the feeling is mutual. Jeff is speechless that NaOnka can talk so much shit and still be in the game; we all are Jeffrey, we all are. NaOnka does not play her immunity idol, so that point of the plan is moot. The votes are cast and Marty joins Alina to sit in the jury member bench. Looks like pleasing NaOnka is the route picked by Sash and Brenda.

Top Chef: Just Desserts - Quickfire: The guest judge is Francois Payard, who used to be Moaning Morgan's boss. The remaining chefs need to tell their life story through a box of chocolates. Get it? Like that movie Forrest Gump from 16 years ago. They have to make 4 chocolates and one of the winning recipes will be distributed at Godiva stores. Morgan continues his streak of being a total dick by yelling about piping bags, then making a chocolate that represents this experience crushing his soul. Yigit didn't finish his 4th chocolate, so he doesn't get the full judging experience. Morgan wins- YAAAAAWN. For once I thought Danielle was the best- her chocolates sounded tasty and had better stories. His soul-crushing Top Chef truffle will be distributed at Godiva stores, so if you want to taste hell on reality TV, head to your local Godiva store!

Elimination challenge: make a 61st anniversary for some old dude and his wife. Winner gets $15k too. Each chef gets some time to talk to the lovely couple, Ben and... Sylvia Weinstock, the cake lady who looks like the Old Navy lady with that dog Magic. TWIST ALERT! Definitely didn't see that coming. Morgan, to make a point that he's an asshole again keeps the piping bags from earlier for himself. The party stops and Morgan's cake is plain white buttercream, clean piping, and topped with a little piano with pink flowers. The piano is cool but the rest is a snore. Danielle makes a gray cake in honor of Cynthia's wedding dress and added piano keys and roses as decor. Zac's cake: kind of a wreck. The meeting at the beach theme is out of control; white chocolate sea foam, looks slanted, so gaudy. Yigit's cake is pretty: yellow buttercream, pink flowers, and some odes to the piano. Bad new is he can barely cut the cake- d'oh.

Judges' Table. The judges liked Danielle's piano key steps and her chocolate cake was really moist. The gray color was considered unappetizing. Yigit's cake was over-complicated, but his flavored buttercream was delicious and appreciated. His pink chocolate flowers on the top were also well done. Morgan's simplicity was admired, but the panne cotta inside was meh and the chocolate was dry. Zac's cake itself was nice and moist, but the design was a bit childish and didn't represent them being old together. Zac brings up Morgan playing it safe with his boring cake and has no excitement when he wins things. The big question is who is heading to the final 3 and whose cake get sliced? Puns by Mel! Danielle wins the challenge and I'm happy for her- it was stylish and sounded like a flavor I'd like to eat. Zac's cake wreck is cut and it's Yigit and Moanin' Morgan advancing to next week.

Photo Credits: BravoTV.com, BuddyTV.com, CBS.com, NBC.com, Survivor.com

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Reality Rundown: Goodbye Dirt Squirrel

The Amazing Race • The Biggest Loser • Survivor: Nicaragua •
Top Chef: Just Desserts

The Amazing Race - In order to get to the airport to get to St. Petersburg, Russia, all the teams end up on the same train which allows some bonding time, sleeping, and smelly socks. They all end up on the same flight too, making a-hole Chad feel like a chump since he flipped out for nothing. Every flies to Russia to retrieve the next clue: a Detour teasing Classical Music or Classical Cinema. They can either listen to gramophones and identify those songs on pianos being played in another room or search through film clips to find a scene playing on the screen. Jill and Thomas take an early lead, finding the film quick quickly (because of Thomas' immense college education). Brooke/Claire and Kevin/Michael also do the film task and move on a lot sooner than the music teams. The music challenge is so loud, they all sound the same, and it's confusing, which makes most teams ditch it and head to the film strips (except Chad and Stephanie). Nick and Vicki suck at both tasks and go back to the music again; they eventually complete it.

After the Detour, teams retrieve their next clue which has them take a taxi to some neighborhood store in Alex-something-straya. One lucky teammate gets to participate in the Road Block of planting 50 potatoes rocking babushkas and fertilizing the ground with manure. Jill and Thomas are the first team to check in at St. Isaac's Cathedral, the Pit Stop. I wonder if he'll credit his college education to this victory. They win a trip to Sao Paolo, Brazil. Kevin doesn't listen to his dad about the Pit Stop being in the park, allowing Brooke and Claire to sneak in as team #2; Kevin/Michael come in 3rd. Nick chooses to do the Roadblock "drag race", not understanding the Roadblock clues are usually puns not literal, and ends up in ladies clothing and not in a race car. It's at least humorous to watch, and the locals love it to; they are the last team to check but aren't eliminated meaning their odd level of stupidity lives to race another day.

The Biggest Loser - This was the best episode of the show ever- know why? Because it was only an hour! Thank you elections! The true battle begins as this week is "all out war" when they get physically worn down by 2 Marine drill sergeants. Jillian looks like a saint now, huh? Immediately they put them in some gear, load 'em in a truck, and drive them off to Camp Pendleton for some serious training. Frado is psyched because when he wasn't a fatty he was a Marine; Aaron also can't wait to see what it's like to be in his military brother's shoes.

With their packs in tow, the losers board some big-ass helicopters and take to the sky to fly to their next location and "mission": the barracks. Dibs on top bunk! But the hike to get there is a bitch and the packs are heavy. Eventually they get there: they eat, sleep, exercise. Same shit as the ranch but outside and without getting Jenni-O turkey hocked to them. At least they get to complete in a nasty 3 mile obstacle course challenge, with the winning team getting phone calls from home. It's muddy, exhausting and loud; Blue team wins the phone calls.

The losers meet up with Bob and Jillian at the Camp Pendleton gym for a last chance work-out. Brendon reveals his new coif, or lack-thereof, since he shaved his head bald and got rid of his beard. As soon as the trainers come to campus, in comes a product placement for Fiber One. Eh, something new I suppose. The blue team has a terrible week, citing the lack of diet control - except Aaron who really helps his Blue team by dropping 14lbs. The Black team begins to catch up to Blue until Anna loses 2lbs, weak Elizabeth gains 1, and then Frado freaks out, apologizes for what he assumes will be a 6lb gain before weighing in, and then actually gaining 4lbs. The Black team has to eliminate a player again and eventhough Frado gained 4lbs, they eliminate Anna.

Survivor: Nicaragua - And then god said, "Let there be a merge!" La Flor moves into Espada's camp, which sucks because like 12 days ago they couldn't even catch fish from nasty water. Alina, a moron, proposes staying Espada strong and blindsiding Marty; no one is into it. The newly merged tribe, now named Libertad (which Marty names and explains means liberty or freedom, but I almost typed as LiberTARD), gets new red buffs because god forbid they think of a new color. NaOnka loves the feast so much she hoards nuts and farts on camera, then re-bonds with Brenda, both divulging everything. Chase, meanwhile, bonds with bumpkin Jane about being from North Carolina (raise up!) and all that southern stuff- fast friends!

NaOnka makes tortillas for the tribe but is livid she gets the crappiest portion, so she steals the flour and hides it in anger; Holly sees this happening though and is confused. Hurricane NaOnka continues her wrath by stealing food and cooking supplies and tosses them into the jungle too. As the tribe comes to the realization things are missing, Holly has the balls to confront Nay, who denies it all. Nay and Fabio get into a tiff, but she storms off. Alina feels guilty since she indulged in some stolen fruit during a bonding session, so she encourages Nay to come clean. NaOnka fesses up but massages the story to say was simply hiding it to ration it. She does but makes sure she beings Alina into the fold too. NaOnka's alliance decides to remain loyal to her, but Alina is left out in the cold. Marty's focus remains on Jane, but he approaches Brenda about this and you just want to yell, "Marty, you're an idiot!"

Immunity is given out to a man and a woman this week in an endurance challenge to use some contraption to hold a bar. Marty's dream to write Jane's name down on parchment will have to wait, as she wins immunity and still stays in the game to try and beat the remaining fellas. After Marty and Chase drop, Fabio wins immunity. Strategizing happens and the target is aimed at either Marty or Alina and since Jane is so hellbent on Marty, it's tough. Sash, who made a deal to return the idol to Marty this week if he was in danger, begs his alliance to not make him go back on his word. Brenda's there on the side and Alina's thrown into the mix, but Jane still refuses to write down any name but Marty. Lazy Dan lets Marty know that Chase mentioned Marty could be out tonight, so Marty goes right to Sash and Brenda to get the 411, then gets hostile with Holly. Alina, Jane, and I guess Holly try to sway the vote to get Marty out, and Fabio is their swing vote (and he wants NaOnka out). Alina says it's fine to vote NaOnka cause then Marty would have 6 votes, her 5, and Nay 1; he says that her scrambling and strategic gameplay is why they want her out.

Marty brings up his and Jane's beef at Tribal Council and again it's like, STFU idiot. Marty's the only person who seems to know she'd sweep the game at the end, going as far as saying if she made final 3 he'd even vote for her. Lazy Dan throws his hand up to defend his pal by throwing NaOnka and Alina into the ring for stealing from the tribe; NaOnka takes the blame, but Fabio points out she only returned it cause she got got. Alina defends her position, citing her swing vote status, even if she knew about some stolen goods; Benry calls her a "dirt squirrel" when he casts his vote which is officially my new favorite word. Dirt Squirrel gets pounded into the dirt, with her and Jane the only votes cast for Marty. The tribe has spoken and they said, STFU Alina and go eat an orange at Ponderosa.

Top Chef: Just Desserts - Quickfire: with guest judge Shinmin Li, renouned cake decorator that I've never seen on a Food Network Challenge, the baketestants must make an edible bouquet. Winner gets $5k. Yigit goes balls-to-the-wall and tries to pull sugar to make his own vase, but that MF'er Morgan bumps and breaks one. His other vase breaks while putting everything together so he throws together something last minute. Losers: Zac (sloppy chocolate work), Eric (who basically piped onto a cupcake), and Danielle (wasn't a 360 view). Favorites: Morgan (eventhough it looked like an urn for a funeral) and Yigit (sugarwork not there, but what he did make looked good). Morgan is named the winner- blaaah.

Challenge: create a dessert based on a famous contemporary celebrity duo of their choice for a tea party. Zac does Julie Andrew and her husband Blake Edwards; don't get me wrong, love me some Julie, but contemporary my ass. Morgan picks Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian, which works since desserts give you a fatass- hey-o! Yigit does Madonna and Guy Richie- did he forget they're divorced? Eric does Oprah and Stedman- WIN! Danielle wins for creativity and chooses Conan and Andy Richter. But as they get ready for prep, Johnny comes in to alert them no chocolate is allowed this week. Only Eric seems to panic about this, causing him to make some busted teeny desserts. Yigit just get stressed about the chocolate too and comes out flustered, plates not finished, and covered in his turdish colored dulce de leche. But hey, Zac's Captain Von Trapp dessert contains Cap'n Crunch which is awesome.

Judges table: Morgan's sponge cake was delicious and well-adapted, but his macaroon stunk. Zac's desserts were refined and elegant, but also fun with his play on words and spot-on accuracy of his couple. Danielle's Conan cake was so red that you knew it was for him- her concept was delivered well and she makes the top 3. The winner is... Zac! I want the recipes cause they looked tasty. Yigit and Eric are the bottom 2, and their downer attitudes showed at the presentation. Eric's desserts were dull; 2 shortbread cookies? Snooze alert! Did his grandma send him the inspiration? Eric knows he messed up though. Yigit is still pretty down on himself, the chocolate threw him off. The dessert was jiggly, which they said is the opposite of toned Madonna (you say fit, I say leathery). Yigit gets the ultimate diss that his dessert tastes like the frozen stuff used on cruise ships. Ouch! Yigit at least embraced the challenge more with his Madonna/Guy Richie stuff, so he sticks around and Eric the baker gets the boot.


Photo Credits: BravoTV.com, CBS.com, NBC.com, Survivor.com

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Reality Rundown: The Project Runway Finale That Everyone Hated

The Amazing Race • The Biggest Loser • Survivor: Nicaragua •
Top Chef: Just Desserts • Finale! Project Runway

The Amazing Race - The teams border hop from Sweden to Norway, and if it's anything like the ride at Epcot I expect trolls, fake drops, and a really weird fishing video at the end. In Norway they ride gondolas, and Nat of the doctors gets teary because she's afraid of heights. It's like you're jumping out of them to ski like the amazing movie Aspen Extreme. Since Nat and Kat arrive first, they are the team that is able to get to the Fast Forward first, which is to eat an entire roasted sheep's head. G-R-O-S-S. Oh and Kat? A vegetarian who hasn't eaten meat in 22 years. But since they aren't aware of what exactly it is, they attempt to shove it down, reminding themselves of tastier crunchy treats than the sheep's head. They are able to complete the task and get to skip all tasks and head directly to the Pit Stop. They remain team #1 and this week win a trip to Costa Rica.

The others team head straight to the next clue at a bridge, except Nick and Vikki who are dumb enough to be in like 5th place and think they stood a shot. They also don't understand that the "Fast Forward Taken" sign means someone claimed it. DUMB. That's dumber than a vegetarian eating a sheep's head. At the Sky-something bridge, the teams encounter a Roadblock: rapell off a bridge to the water below to collect the next clue, then ascend back to the top. Now that is tiring for me to watch- I mean, for them to complete. It's even more tiring to listen to home shopping Claire fake-cry and moan the whole way up. The teams then drive to an abandoned field in Harvika for their Detour: ride bikes to find and memorize a combination to their bike lock or direct a boat captain a location and deliver fish and a chainsaw.

Thomas and his lack-of-college-education girlfriend Jill are almost team #2 but can't read maps, which allow father/daughter Gary and Mallory to check in 2nd. What Thomas, did you not learn map-reading in your fancy college? The volleyball girls are so far behind that they think seeing a lost Jill/Thomas means they're still in the race. They aren't at all and as everyone is practically done with the Detour, they're just arriving there. Jill/Thomas come in 3rd, Michael/Kevin 4th, and Brooke/Claire 5th with Claire slamming her eye on the truck, giving her a gash. This race is full of goddamn idiots. Nick and Vicki are 6th and dead-serious think they could be 2nd? YOU ARE F'ING STUPID. Some editing makes it seem like a super-close race, which it obviously isn't, and Chad/Stephanie and safe and the volleyball girls are eliminated from the race. And so it is with sad news to me that my pick to win The Amazing Race 17 has been eliminated. I still stand by the fact that 2 women could win the race, but I am pretty sure that fate lies in the hands of Nat and Kate. Hey, at least I made it past my week 3 curse.

The Biggest Loser - Twist alert: right after elimination, Alison brings the Blue Team into the elimination room too and announces that this week only one person's weight will count for each team. The opposite team gets to decide who that player is and the other catch is they won't know who was selected until the weigh-in. While some people work hard, others are babies (Frado, who is loud and obnoxious when he works out and falls off the treadmill). Jill thinks he would never pull this crap with Bob, so pulls him aside for training and one of her usual emotional talks.

Chefs Curtis Stone and Lorena Garcia are brought on to teach the losers how to cook and considering the reviews I read of last week's 100 calorie cupcake, may god have mercy on their chubby souls. This is a challenge and both teams will cook for each other and select the best dish, team with the most good dishes wins a mysterious "10 seconds." The Blue team wins based on a calorie counting tie-breaker and gets there "10 seconds" which is later revealed to be a 10 second head start in a challenge to paddle dragon boats. The Blue Team wins again and also wins the chance to block the other teams's 1st pick for the weigh-in. Elizabeth tries to play the "at least we're in sync!" card, but Jillian tells her she's weak, doesn't try hard enough, and will get picked to weigh in. They train together, do a little sobbing- again, I fast forwarded because I reeeeeally wanted to get to The Good Wife. Are you watching that show? So good. Way better than this show.

For weigh-ins that count, the Blue Team picks Elizabeth and the Black Team picks Jessica; Blue chooses to not block the pick and has faith in Jessica carrying the weight for the team. Elizabeth and Jessica? It's a Sweet Valley High match-up! Everyone else weighs and who cares because it doesn't matter. Elizabeth loses 5lbs, while Jessica loses 4lbs and the Blue Team loses the weigh-in. Yeah, should've used the block since everyone else on Blue had a great week. The Blue teams gets an hour to write a name on the note card under the silver platter and the game players come out: it's a tie between Adam, who still is holding that accruing weight advantage, and Jessica. It's another tie, so the Black Team gets to make the final elimination decision. Shit's about to get ca-raaaazy and by ca-raaaazy I mean sobfest. The Black Team, always playing the game, sends home the biggest threat : Adam.

Survivor: Nicaragua - Espada pow-wows after Tribal and decides Danny has no pull at a merge so their next target is Alina. Espada then wins a reward in some challenge about shooting balls into a goal; they get a "Nicaraguan farm" experience with a big breakfast and horseback ride. My dog started barking at the horses, so I had to fastforward; I bet they were majestic. They eat their feast as a tribe and then cry about it; yeah, I don't know either. Perhaps fueled by fresh milk, watermelon, and other breakfast food, Espada goes on to win immunity in a challenge that requires using some contraption to shoot balls and smash plates.

At La Flor, Marty pats himself on the back for having the balls to not play the idol and still last, but also upset Jane turned on him. Um, you kind of turned on her too even if you're going with the majority. They chat and Marty pleads his case that he didn't target Jane, but is confident she voted for him; she laughs. Jane wants to stay in the good graces of her tribe which involves her doing lots of labor around camp while everyone else naps and takes advantage. When Jane catches a fish she says screw these kids and cooks it alone in the woods, like Gollum.

After losing immunity, the young'ns decide to try to flush out the idol (again) but vote out Jill. Sash comes up with this insane plan to give Marty a head's up and get Marty to either play the idol or give Sash the idol, convince Marty he's safe, and then boot him. Marty is torn and desperate: he gives Sash the idol. Oh brother, plus Sash thinks he's some Russell-clone now citing being handed idols. STFU- your name is a woman's accessory. There's no hiding the division in the tribe, Marty admits he gave Sash the idol, and Sash Freudian slips that he might lose trust in his alliance, rather than his alliance losing trust in him. It would be so awesome to really blindside Sash, but unfortunately they don't: Jill is voted off La Flor.

Top Chef: Just Desserts - Quickfire: the mise en place relay race, pastry edition. Heather, Yigit and Zac, aka Team Go Diva, are on the red team, while Morgan, Danielle, and Eric are the black team. They'll have to mold PERFECT tart crusts, pipe buttercream roses, separate and whip egg whites, and finally stretch strudel dough the length of the table and make it into a strudel. The lead goes back and forth with Team Diva winning in the end and they each receive $3k.

Elimination Challenge: a "sweet spin" on the infamous Restaurant Wars. It's Dessert Wars and in their teams they will create the "ultimate dessert shop experience." They must each make 3 items each and include 1 bread item. The winning team wins $30k and I'm shocked Gail doesn't mention Dawn hand soap. Team Go Diva goes for an adult candy shop, which the Black team goes comfort treats. Morgan gets a little pissy about lemons, forming all the soft pretzels, and doing pie crusts. Waaah. Once the war truly begins, everything is up for judging. Team Go Diva is praised for their decorations and Yigit's charm, but frown upon their mostly empty display case and their thick dough. Heather gets her pissy on while running the kitchen, telling Zac to shut up so he gives the 'tude right back. Over on the Black team, aka Whisk Me Away, their display case is full and has cars stuffed with cookies, but Danielle's a front-of-the-house downer.

Judges' Table time! Eric made a banana sour cream loaf that didn't rise properly. Morgan's mousse stuffed with creme brulee receives high marks. Danielle's coffee dessert didn't even taste like coffee. Team Go Diva, aka Pastry Land (lame), gets chastised for their bare display case but take it as a team. Zac's jelly filled donuts had the perfect consistency, but his milkshake wasn't great. He also nailed the savory brioche. Heather's frozen key lime bar showed finger prints, which they didn't love, and the lime taste was weak. Yigit's dark chocolate peanut bar had a really thick shell, and Heather admits she made the dough. Whisk Me Away wins Dessert Wars, shocking an overly confident Pastry Land. The 3 chefs on the Red team are some of the best there, so this will be a tough decision; it stinks cause Danielle's a total clunker. Heather's crap pastry shells gets her eliminated, taking out what was many of us considered an early front-runner.

Finale! Project Runway - Oh you are f'ing kidding me. This show tricked me into a reunion before the finale and in all honestly, I started this show SUPER late. Sorry, but I don't cover reunion specials (except Bachelor/ette Tell Alls) so I'm skipping this. Feel free to talk about it in the comments but I don't care at all.

Back to the real stuff: since the designers created an 11th look, 1 look has to be removed with only 10 being presented in their show. Tim does some mentoring, chatting about the judges feedback and helping to fine-tune their collections. They spend the day before their show working with L'Oreal on hair and make-up, as well as dealing with the models; Mondo gets stressed. They have a bonding moment entering the runway tent and seeing the bright white runway and an empty room; in mere hours, the tent will be packed and the world will see their (and 7 other contestants) fashions.

Fashion show time. Heidi comes out in an all red outfit and looks like Ronald McDonald's sister and introduces the judges including guest judge/blimp Jessica Simpson. She looks TERRIBLE (this outfit isn't meant for chubbies) and had the audacity to wear a Michael Kors outfit sitting 2 seats away from him. To the clothes! Gretchen presents first, with a lot of greens/grays/browns - it's very Urban Outfitters/Anthropologie to me. Also, I think they played a Pure Moods CD during the show and now I'm tired. Andy's collection comes next: inspired by his heritage, there's some baggy pants, blurred out nips, mostly grays and silver with a few pops of lime green, and spacey headpieces. I can easily say this isn't a winning collection. Mondo is last and is in true funky Mondo form: mixed patterns, splashes of color, plaid/houndstooth- c'mon this wins no need to drag it out. Yes, drag it out because it's at this moment I realize the finale is TW0 hours. What are they going to show us the 7 decoys now too? Ay-yi-yi.

Final judging. Andy is praised for making a collection personal to him and not getting into costume territory. Nina uses the word "oriental-ism" which I am pretty sure is made up. Gretchen called her collection "Running Through Thunder" which sounds like the title theme in an 80's sports movie. Her collection is ready-to-wear and complete, though a little "monotone." Her jewelry designs are cool and given praise; oh god, I gave Gretchen a compliment. Mondo tapped into his Mexican roots and symbolism, and his collection was cohesive, had fun prints, but maybe a little over-styled. Heidi and Jessica both love the polka dot dress and want to wear it together to a party, so I hold back my laughter. The judges deliberate and, as predicted by Mel Got Served-stradamus, Andy is easily out. The judges debate Gretchen and Mondo, wearability, fashion-forward, etc. Michael Kors puts Jessica Simpson in her place a few times, which is delightful ("Read a magazine!!!"). Clearly, Nina and Michael prefer Gretche, Heidi and Jess want Mondo. Michael is on fire with his criticisms and rage- I love it. The bickering ends and the judges make the big announcement: the winner is.... GRETCHEN. Since I could care less who won this season, I'm not bitching. Let's be honest, I liked to look at Mondo's stuff but I'd never wear it. Gretchen's runway show was very ready-to-wear and could be flattering to a lot of body types. So, this show FINALLY ends and saves me 90 minutes a week. I can go to bed at a reasonable hour... starting next week!


Photo Credits: BravoTV.com, CBS.com, MyLifetime.com, NBC.com, Survivor.com

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Reality Rundown: What's Black and White and Tastes Like Soap?

The Amazing Race • The Biggest Loser • Survivor: Nicaragua •
Top Chef: Just Desserts • Project Runway

The Amazing Race - After doing their good deed of helping repair the African school, the teams leave the heat for the Arctic Circle: Sweden. Turns out there aren't a lot of flights between Ghana and Sweden, so everyone has tickets on the same flight that connects in Frankfurt, but can ditch those tickets for other ones. Kevin and Michael, already looking ahead to their speedbump, find an earlier flight leaving Frankfurt and confide into Mallory and Gary. The doctors and home shoppers figure this out as well, but the remaining teams are stuck on the later flight, unknown to most of them until they see 4 teams hauling ass in the airport while they're sipping hot chocolate and then in clicks.

In Sweden, the teams drive to an Ice Hotel which I highly recommend you visit cause it's awesome. Like just visit, don't sleep there- that seems too cold. Their clue is a Swedish phrase carved into a big ice block that has directions to follow to receive the next clue. Michael and Kevin get their Speedbump right away and have to sit in an ice chair for 10 minutes before picking up their clue; totally extreme!! This doesn't deter them and find the Roadblock first, which is for one of them to mush dogs using a summer training sled, since there's no snow, while collecting flags. My dog was clearly exhausted because he didn't even bark back at the barking sled dogs, nor at the fake bear hiding in the bushes. It's an easy task for all except Jill and Thomas who miss an arrow and get lost, putting them behind.

After completing the Roadblock, the next clue sends the teams to a train station where they receive their Detour. The choices this week are sled down a mountain in less than 1:58 (minutes, not hours) or build a tent-like dwelling with a comfy inside. Michael/Kevin realize the sleds won't work for his dad, so they make the tent; all other teams opt for the sleds (though some by default have to do the tents). Doctors Nat and Kat check into the Pitstop at the Norwegian border first and win a trip to Belize. As other teams begin to check in, Thomas realizes that they're dead last and the Express Pass could help them bypass the next challenge and keep them in the race. Once they see the tasks, Jill and Thomas use the Express Pass and skip the Detour and head to the Pitstop. Stephanie and Chad struggle with the sleds, with the speed and daunting course intimidating her. She starts freaking out and quits the task; just do the damn tents then. Stephanie isn't the only one incompetent on a sled; the volleyball girls and acafellas have to switch to the tents too. The acafellas are the last team to check in and are eliminated on the day they would have graduated from college. Total Debbie Downer moment.

The Biggest Loser - The 5 wannabe losers that didn't win the challenge to get onto the show come back to weigh-in and whoever has the highest weight loss gets to compete in the show. Anna, rocking the green shirt, wins the spot on the ranch with 39lbs lost. Also, the game changes and turns into the Blue vs. Black teams and Anna gets to pick the teams. There's an odd number of people, so that odd duck gets immunity and joins the losing team next week. Anna interviews everyone about which trainer they prefer and then get told by every player to take immunity for herself. Anna basically grants everyone their dreams except for Patrick; she gives him immunity and wants to join the Black team to train with Jillian. Overall, the teams are pretty evenly balanced so it's game on. The Black team discusses Anna being completely stupid for turning down immunity, while the Blue team knows that if the Black team loses they will gain Patrick and that team will be stacked. The guys on the Black team are sneaky and I smell a weigh-in throwing.

Team challenges are back where they will travel around LA and answer questions at 5 stops about food. If they get the question wrong they will receive a red penalty card, which is a physical challenge (no, not that one). Winning team gets 40 weeks of the Biggest Loser meal plan and letters from home. The challenge is close and since they really overestimate the number of calories in a slice of lasagna, it's up to the physical angle which is going up 21 flights of stairs. The Black team wins (and so does Patrick since he's not on any team) get their grub and letters. Lisa on the Blue team is bawling, so Brendan on the Black team gives his letter to her, but then the rest of his teammates opt to get rid of their letters for the Blue team.

During workouts, Jillian and Bob discuss the teams and that this season it's Jillian who got the gameplayers, not him. It's so obvious that Anna is going home if Black loses, and Jillian fears they'll throw the weigh-in. Jillian pulls the women aside to encourage them to fight because for her it's not about the game but helping. She tries to appeal to the guys and they have a team meeting to say the weigh-in will not be thrown. The Blue team weighs in and it's fine and dandy; the Black team, however, doesn't keep their word about throwing the weigh-in. Frado's a jittery mess, the girls can't pull their weight (except Aida who is awesome), and Brendan only loses 2lbs in a lame attempt at throwing the weigh-in but swears on his family's life he didn't. It may seem like the game play is over but it's not: at elimination, Rick (who has the highest percentage of overall weight-loss and would benefit from Patrick joining the team) is blindsided in a major game play move.

Survivor: Nicaragua - As Espada, Yve feels left out and Danny wants to quit. Over at La Flor, Marty and Jill feel like the old people out, while Jane fits right in with the kiddos. Brenda, the only young person really playing the game, already has it planned out to make it a 3-3 vote between Marty and Jill and flush out the idol, since Marty was stupid enough to tell everyone last week. The catch this week is that there's no tribal immunity this week, but individual immunity because both tribes are heading to Tribal Council this week. The challenge is to toss rope ring with a paddle and catch it in a backpack thing. The 2 winners then compete in a tribal reward challenge: a feast which they will get to eat in front of the other tribe while overhearing the other tribe's Tribal Council. Holly wins immunity on Espada and Jill wins for La Flor; Jill then wins the ring toss, giving La Flor a kebab feast.

La Flor basks in their victory, but it's fake because Brenda knows her plan to split the votes can't go as smoothly. Sash proposes splitting the votes between Marty and Kelly B (prosthetic leg Kelly), but lead Kelly B to believe Jane is who they will vote for. Marty confides in Fabio that he is a grandmaster in chess to Fabio to try and align him for a power play, but really that's a lie and he's not a grandmaster and knows Fabio is too dumb to know the truth. Fabio buys it hook, line, and sinker, with a promise of an alliance of 4 between himself, Marty, Jill, and Jane. Fabio is bummed when he hears Sash wants him to vote off Marty; sad puppy. Tribal beings predictably with Marty and Kelly B getting the focus, until Jeff asks Jane about being safe and Brenda brings up that Jane should be afraid Marty and Jill will vote her off. Marty argues that he never initiated votes for Jane and La Flor brought that up to him (true). Marty and Jill vote for Brenda, but the rest of the tribe splits the votes between Marty and Kelly B, forcing a tie (since Marty opted to not play his idol) and thus a re-vote. The re-votes are cast and the person not feasting on chicken and beef kebabs is Kelly B. Why can't Jeff just say kebabs? Is there a need to be so specific?

At Espada, since Holly has immunity she knows she needs to vote with the majority to not make herself a target. Since the old fogies are out-numbered, it's a toss up between weak-ass Danny and actually-wants-to-be-there Yve. The young dudes think voting off Yve is a better choice since she wants to play the game, whereas Danny is a non-entity. Chase and NaOnka aren't as down with the Yve plan and would prefer to get rid of Dan. Yve makes her plea to the girls, citing Danny's wanting to quit but puts her foot in her mouth when she says she has strong bonds with the old people on La Flor which will help in the merge. D'oh- stupid. Espada drools at Tribal Council while La Flor eats their kebabs (beef and chicken- nothing else!!). Danny calls Yve arrogant, which she takes offense to since he brags about his Ferraris and expensive shit. Espada makes the decision that losing is awesome and votes Yve off the tribe.

Top Chef: Just Desserts - The executive pastry chef of Le Bernadin guest judges the Quickfire, I mean Dawn Hand Renewal Quickfire, which is to make a savory dessert with just one pot. I have never seen so many product placement shots of stupid dish soap- you can't even tell what the chefs are making. Close-ups, subtly hiding it behind other things so it appears in the shot- my god, it's annoying. Danielle's dessert had practically raw corn, Eric's dessert is moreso breakfast, and Heather had undercooked beets and hardly any bacon. Best: Morgan who used liquid nitrogen to make sorbet, Zac's beet cake, and Yigit's use of fois gras and bacon. Zac wins the Quickfire and proclaims himself to no longer be the Susan Lucci of the show. Does anyone remember that Susan Lucci DID eventually win an Emmy once, it just took a shit load of times? Anyhoo, Zac gets the choice between immunity or a cash prize (he negotiates it up $5k)- he takes the money.

Elimination Challenge: cater a party exclusively with black and white desserts for a party for the LA Times. Danielle gets freaked out since she hates white food, but I really think it's because she's done whoopie pies twice before and can't do it again. Now, is layering chocolate and vanilla JELL-O acceptable?? For the record, Zac is the person who picks the obvious whoopie pie, but he deep fries it. Hello, gluttony! Heather thinks maybe Morgan stole/hid her white chocolate rice krispies I guess just because he's kind of toolish. He also hates hearing Zac's voice. Morgan complains a lot.

Judges' Table. Heather, Erica, and Danielle are called in first, but it's so obvious they're pulling a fast one. They are obviously the worst. Heather veered from black and white and included reds on the plate. Erica made a blackberry creme brulee and poppyseed and lemon ice cream, and both were a let-down because the lemon tasted like soap and it lacked actual blackberry taste. Danielle's plate was more petit fours, not a dessert, and had a flavorless meringue. The best dishes are all the fellas, who breathe a sigh of relief. Zac's deep fried whoopie pie had a great creamy filling and made a good iced cream. Morgan's plating was excellent and a tasty sticky toffee pudding. Eric layered his textures well and is finally getting good at plating. Yigit's dessert was complex and had hidden chocolately gems you discovered while eating. The winner of the challenge is Yigit and his adorable smile. The loser of the night? Erica because eating soap is never a good thing.

Project Runway - The final 4 are sent home to work on their collections, but only 3 will be judged at the finale. Tim will of course come visit to check on their progress, so make sure there's baked goods and no photos of Taylor Momsen on your mantel.

Tim visits Andy in Hawaii first, eats, chats with the family- zzzzz. Andy then reveals his collection to Tim which is inspired by Laos, where his family immigrated from. Not much is constructed so he instead presents sketches, which Tim warns could be a hot mess down the line. Next up is Michael who is inspired by the colors of sky and the movement of feathers and has a shitload of looks (12 total, with another 6 in the reject pile). I see old Hollywood glam but I guess he doesn't make that connection. While eating, Tim meets Michael's son and we learn that Michael's family has been pretty stand-offish until he got on the show, possibly because his boyfriend outed him to them. Stop 3 is Mondo's trendy little work room and his inspiration is creepy Mexican circuses and Day of the Dead. The looks are fun except one creepy hot pink pajama-looking thing with red fuzzballs; truly terrible. Last up is Gretchen, perhaps because it takes about 3 months of drinking to tolerate her. Gretchen's life is in the shitter a bit: she's broke, single, and having to find a new place. Her collection is western roots meets foreign/world style, including knitwear.

Time has passed and everyone comes back to New York to reunite and ta-daaaaa: Tim Gunn has a velvet bag-o-surprise which contains trips at Hilton Hotels for them. Is this obnoxious product placement week or what? The next day as the designers prepare to fine-tune their collections, Tim arrives to explain that to get to the final judging they will present 3 looks to the judges: 2 from their collection and 1 new look they have to create now. If you didn't see this coming you obviously haven't watched this show before.

Judging time. Mondo's looks are black and white with pops of color, screenprinting, and bold, mixed prints- so, it's Mondorific. The judges worry he might go too far in his collection, but he assures them he has some good surprises coming. Andy's 3 looks should be called metallic pleats and the judges are surprised at how intricate his just-made look is. The judges wonder if he has no range and the collection has no transitions. Michael C has that 1930/1940s flowy silk look and I actually don't hate it. His dress is praised for looking effortless and Heidi likes one of the tops, but all the looks having the same blush color evening clothes isn't impressing the judges. Gretchen's looks have some interesting darker colors, but the looks are sort of hippie/Urban Outfitters/Anthropologie and not as chic. Her looks are more daytime, but she defends that she has night looks, etc. After deliberations that I didn't pay much attention to because I was too busy talking about the American remake of Skins on Twitter, Michael C is AUF'd and not being judged at Fashion Week (which, BTW, was spoiled in a commerical break earlier in the episode so great job, Lifetime). Good news is you still get to present there with 5 other decoys because everyone and their mom gets to present now. Heck, I have a collection prepared just in case.



Photo Credits: BravoTV.com, BuddyTV, CBS.com, MyLifetime.com, NBC.com, Survivor.com

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Reality Rundown: Jeff Probst Finally Learns the Tribe Names

The Amazing Race • The Biggest Loser • Survivor: Nicaragua •
Top Chef: Just Desserts • Project Runway

The Amazing Race - The racers head to Jamestown, still in Ghana, to a boxing academy to retrieve the next clue. It's a Roadblock where 1 racer will have to wrap their hands and master the boxing skills of the punching bag and jump rope. Boo-urns no one getting punched in the face! The a capella guys (aka acafellas), who I know can be annoying, serenade their cab driver Samson: "Please driver faaaaaster. We love Samsonnnnn!" I enjoyed it. The Roadblock itself is kind of easy, with the 1 solid minute of jump roping being the trickiest aspect of it. The doctors get really lost, ask teams on their way to the next clue for directions, and then their cab driver refuses to turn around. Well that sucks.

To retrieve their 2nd clue, the teams have to pack up a pair of wheelbarrows with a bunch of supplies and bring it to a primary school. Many teams bring only 1 and get rejected, having to return and get a 2nd barrow. The acafellas, with the help of Samson, take an early lead. At the primary school they will need to identify the location of an African country on a continent map, which everyone struggles with. It's just like the bonus round of Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego without the spiffy gumshoe jacket. Only the doctors are smart enough to identify Ghana on the 1st try. When the teams correctly identify a country on the map, they are given their Detour: use a stick to roll a bicycle rim or read a proverb which translates to symbols and find the symbols. The acafellas easily find their code in the search, using some handy symbol translations and check in as team #1.

The home shopping chicks are morons and don't originally see the symbol map and think it has to do with dancing kids, fooling the other teams as well. The home shoppers finally realize their mistake in staring at kids, but still no one seems to have the brain capacity to find the giant decoder key posted on the side of a house. While the doctors are plagued all leg with bad cabs, they are able to pass the father/son, and promptly get lost. Kevin's dad is struggling with the bicycle wheels and looks about ready to pass out. The medical team assists him and gets Michael rehydrated as he sheds tears about causing them to come in last place. Michael's not letting this hold him back: he hydrates and gets back to the challenge to complete it. While it looks like a close call, the doctors check in as team #8. Michael and Kevin check in last, but are given the happy news that it's a non-elimination leg. Non-elimination week 3? The fuuuuudge? Oh yeah- the seemingly unimportant wheelbarrows with supplies? Not unimportant: the next day while at the Pit Stop they'll help repair the school.

The Biggest Loser - The losers enter the backyard to find it covered in poorly iced cupcakes. Really, they are kind of sloppy looking like a producer's kid made them. Alison drops the bomb that 2 people go home this week because the infamous Red Line is here this week and whoever has the lowest percentage is below the Red Line and automatically out. So what about those cupcakes? Undeneath one cupcake there is a 1lb advantage; however, the longer they stay in the game, the more lbs it covers. So in 8 weeks a person could have an 8lb advantage. Pretty ridic prize. So they'll eat cupcakes and reveals clues to the hidden disc. Blue Adam and Green Rick take an early lead over Yellow Elizabeth and Orange Jesse. The clue about the raspberry on top is the given and it's so close but Adam snatches it away and wins the 1lb advantage, eating 1,350 calories in the process. Adam was so psyched to win he didn't consider the fact that everyone sees him as a target now- a'duuuuuh.

"Dreamboat" chef Curtis Stone arrives to teach how to bake 100 calorie cupcakes and, shocker, the winning raspberry one was only 100 calories. I happen to love raspberry cupcakes and baking, so maybe I am truly the winner of this Temptation. Bob and Jillian are, of course, disappointed people participated in the challenge, but are like "ehhh the game- blah blah." So after workouts, which I skipped as usual, they have the weigh-in where Bob and Jillian differ on winning vs. losing weight. Blue Adam decides to not use the 1lb advantage and hopes to use it next week for 2lbs. Of course, mostly women fall below the Yellow Line but who is the poor unfortunate soul below the Red Line? It's Sophia wearing Orange, only losing 2lbs and barely beating Red Mark.

Ada loses 10lbs but hasn't had an emotional breakthrough, so Jillian makes it her mission to ruin Ada's life. I guess Ada would prefer to fail rather than be a top competitor because she's always been a failure. This allows Ada to bring up her parents hating her for the death of her brother- depressing. The Bob takes all the losers to his house for a vegan dinner party- ughhhhhh. Ok the food looks tasty but don't push your agenda- I love animals too, Bob. To snuggle and devour (insensitive).

Charged up on veggies, the losers compete in the Elimination Challenge the next day and Burgandy (Purple) has an injury and can't compete, so she's automatically up for elimination. Fredo is the biggest loser of the week and saves Jessica (Red) from the Elimination Challenge, since she was a 1/2lb away from safety. The challenge is to unroll carpet. You wouldn't believe it: turns out unrolling extremely heavy carpet is simple for guys to do! So Elizabeth (Yellow), who spent a majority of these episode crying over cupcakes and personal stuff, joins Burgandy below the Yellow Line. Silver platters are revealed: Burgandy is eliminated and ready to finish her voyage at home. However, there's one last twist: the 5 players who didn't make it to campus in the auditions are back. This maybe would've been a suprise to me if I didn't visit the NBC website and say, "Wait, why are these 5 people who aren't even on the show on their show page?"

Survivor: Nicaragua - It's that time of the game where alliances seem solid and everyone believes they have this game wrapped up. Time to mix it up! If you've been repulsed by staring at a tribe filled with so many old people (or ignorant young people), you're in luck! The tribes are getting jumbled, with Brenda and Holly drawing the rocks to be captains and select 5 members of the opposite team to join them. Ok, so Brenda selects Jane, Jill, and Marty and Holly selects Alina, Benry, Chase, and NaOnka. Jeff tells them they are no longer Older tribe and Younger tribe and it's like, no shit, they had tribe names day 1- YOU were the ignorant one calling them Old and Young. Would you have pulled that on Cook Islands with the race-divided teams?? Best news: the lame-ass Medallion of Power is out. Horrible "twist" anyways.

The new tribes compete in a Reward Challenge which I will call Survivor Plinko: throw balls into some contraption, try to catch the other team's ball. They are playing for chickens and the bird-phobic in me totally would've thrown this challenge. Espada, the ex-AARP team, wins reward. Tyrone takes a leadership position and lays down the rules like clean, keep the machete around, etc. The young'ns are appalled at the idea of rules. Holly is ecstatic to have the "kids" around and really wants to align with them, and Alina and NaOnka are down with it as long as they have the numbers. What NaOnka is not down with? The weather. When the rain and wind comes the island badass becomes a weeping baby ready to quit. Alina comforts her and Chase saw a rainbow after his dad died (Bachelorette flashbacks). On the other end of the spectrum, the new La Flor recruits quickly come to realize that the "kids" do absolutely nothing: no firewood, no schedule, and no real leadership. Jane loves this and quickly turns to her new tribemates, while Marty sees an opportunity to run this tribe too and uses his declaration of having the immunity idol to try and get something out of it. Brenda points out it takes balls but what a dumb move. So true- you could have made a power move in the tribe when an old fogie eventually is on the chopping block.

The immunity challenge is awesome! 3 team members are strapped to a wheel and spun around into the water to collect water in their mouths and spit into a tube, which will release balls to break tiles. It's like water torture or extreme Double Dare! La Flor wins immunity, thanks to Jane's tile smashing skills. Old broad earns her spot! Espada loses again and gets ready to head to yet another Tribal Council. NaOnka is over the game and is confident she'll still be in, but could care less if she goes home. Espada cracks and kills a chicken, despite objections from who Tyrone who would prefer keeping all 3 egg production. This doesn't stop him from eating more chicken than everyone else; hello, target. Alina, Benry, Chase, and Holly are the new dominant alliance and have to make a decision of who to ax. Tyrone's turf domination and NaOnka's breakdown are the main topics of discussion, while Benry drops the paperweight on he voting parchment. The votes are tallied and the new Espada bids adieu to Tyrone. What's best about this? In my pre-season picks, I thought Tyrone stood a good chance because I thought he'd bond with the younger castaways: WRONG!

Top Chef: Just Desserts - Wolfgang Puck's pastry chef judges the Quickfire Challenge of making a souffle, a tricky dessert to make. The worst: Erica, Zac (which was barely souffle- it was ice cream), Heather H (typically a top contendor). The best: Morgan (filled the center with raspberry), Yigit (perfect chocolate souffle), Danielle (lemon and lavendar). Yigit, who makes souffles all the time to please his boyfriend and guests, wins the Quickfire. And the hearts of America cause he's adorable.

Elimination challenge: make edible fashion. Help/inspiration arrives in the form of shoes, though they aren't Gail's specifically, where they have to construct edible fashion as well as 2 petit fours "accessories." Zac has done edible/chocolate outfits before, so his confidence is through the roof (which usually spells disaster). Judge Johnny comes into the kitchen mid-working to announce that the winner of the elimination challenge wins $20k. "I creamed my pants," someone says and I only wish it was just a pastry reference. Morgan, who the women view as sexist, finishes early, brags, wishes he could wear his chocolate dress and "fuck me pumps," even if he's straight. Eric's cookie dress is a mess and Heather C made a dress of peppercorns and lettuce- someone forgot this is just DESSERTS.

Judge's Table time. Yigit, Zac and Morgan are the top 3, killing my theory that asshole egos end up in the bottom. Yigit's dress was an homage to Bjork and Alexander McQueen- kind of like white chocolate feathers. Morgan's dress was sexy and mimicked sequins, and his petit four ring was great. Zac's warrior look could've really been put on someone, plus he made boob-related petit fours. Morgan wins the challenge and the Dawn Hand Renewal prize money. The bottom 3 are Heather C, Eric and Danielle. You mean the 2 women who made veggie dresses are in the bottom?! Noooooo. Eric's cookie dress was cracked and ugly, though his cherry cheesecake petit four was delicious. Heather C wanted to bring color and avoid chocolate, yet she had no pastry skills at all. Her petit fours were just chocolate candies- nothing crazy. Danielle liked her dress but doubted her chocolate techniques, so opted for other foods. The petit fours were sort of large, but the whoopie pie turned purse was praised for its creativity. Heather, whose dessert didn't measure up 2 weeks ago when she was first eliminated (and who would've been eliminated last week if that other chick didn't quit) is eliminated again.

Project Runway - Heidi sends the designers for a relaxing night but a twist is so obviously coming, but instead they yap about their experience. The designers are tasked by Mayor Michael Bloomberg to design an outfit inspired by New York City. Michael is inspired by the Statue of Liberty, while Mondo and April like the Brooklyn Bridge- totally original! Tim makes his "are you f'ing kidding me" face when he hears the literal Statue of Liberty interpretation. His faces are what keep me watching. In other news: Mondo naps, Andy's look is whorish, and Michael does an amazing impression of Michael Kors praising "Taliban chic."

Ugh the runway- underwhelming for all. Considering this is the final 5, it's a pretty sad state. Mondo goes black & white, lots of print (houndstooth!), and inspired by the Brooklyn Bridge. It's fun and "full of Mondo." Andy's alleged Central Park dress is kind of Asian warrior again and very shiny. Fits well, the back is cool, but overall I'm not a fan. Gretchen's is... dullsville. Black lace over a chardonnay colored skirt, cream blouse, weird coat. It's not very Gretchen-y, which she attributes to being tired and sick of doing challenges. April chose Brooklyn Bridge as well and it looks like something she's done before. It's black, harsh, flowy; joyless, as Michael Kors points out. "Pregnant witch" might be one of my favorites Kors-isms yet. Michael and his cliche inspiration turns into a long black dress that's flowy and has a super high slit. Heidi thinks a lot of women would want to wear it: not me. Heidi asks the designers the infamous "who else shold go to fashion week?" and only Mondo chooses Michael who bonded with him on the pairs challenge. April is out, because after like 8 weeks of black dresses the judges just discovered that this week and decided they'd seen it before. Maybe you should've given this advice 4 weeks ago? And with that, the final 4 go to Fashion Week and I get so excited because there's only 2 weeks left of this terrible season.


Photo Credits: BravoTV.com, CBS.com, MyLifetime.com, NBC.com

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Reality Rundown: True Life- I Had a Panic Attack Over Paper Cups

The Amazing Race • The Biggest Loser • Survivor: Nicaragua •
Top Chef: Just Desserts • Project Runway

The Amazing Race - The teams head to the airport to fly from London to Accra, Ghana and all are on the same flight. The Ghana locals are very grabby into cabs trying to get money, which results in the a cappella guys getting spit on; they then sing request for their cabbie to drive faster. The clues send them to a ridiculously busy market where the route marker holds a Road Block. One team member will have to hock sunglasses amongst the local vendors. Brook, of the home shopping hosts, is psyched for a sales challenge and actually good at it (plus gives a kiss on the cheek). Chad's "sex appeal" strategy kinda works, except his customer refuses to give him one more cedi. Most teams are really struggling because the people at the market like to try on the glasses and dance in them on TV, but use the "you look like [famous American celebrity]" to seal the deal.

The teams begin to reach their 15 cedi goal and take their cabs to the Detour: install a TV antenna system to an owner's house or transport the most awesome coffins ever made. These coffins reflect their future occupants so there's giant cameras, lions- it is fantastic. I think I'd like a chimp or garden gnome (Travelocity gnome- product placement!). Brook/Claire (who installed the antenna) and Katie/Rachel (who moved the coffin) appear to be vying for 1st place, while the doctors are at the back of the pack. The marketplace where the Pit Stop is is insanely crowded, but Brook and Claire are team #1 and win a trip to Hawaii. I hope they have Dole Whips there. The remaining teams end up in a massive traffic jam, impeding their pit stop arrival. The doctors, once last, get an insane cab drive who cuts everyone off (same for the a cappella guys). It's a battle of families for the final spot to remain in the race: sadly, birth mother/daughter Andie and Jenna are the last team to check in. They're disappointed but it's more about getting to know each other.

The Biggest Loser - After pleading the night before to stay on campus, Tina announces to the group she's going to ask to go home. The house reaction is obvious: how selfish. She let a girl go home just to quit the next day. More information is revealed when Tina explains the day before she came to the BL ranch she withdrew $16k from her 401k to take her family on "the vacation of a lifetime." Wow- what an awesome reason. Then another chick, Lisa who was kind of Allie's partner, admits she wants to stick around another week or so and go home to help Allie compete her journey at home. Sorry, shouldn't you people want to be here? Perfect time for Bob to enter and get the 411 on the drama. Bob talks some sense into these morons that everyone has to be here, someone has to go home, get over it. Bob brings them to the gym to work them to the death, Curves style (1 minute at each station).

After their hardcore workout, where Bob makes a lesson out of a sass-mouthed Orange Jesse, Bob takes Tina aside. Bob lets Tina know how important it is her for to take this time for herself and get healthy for her family, as well as her self. He doesn't say the obvious reason: when she takes that vacation of a lifetime, she'll want a smokin' swimsuit bod. The next workout day, Jillian brings the women aside to give them a pep talk and get them psyched up for this game; being complacent is unacceptable. Mrs. Enrique Iglesias, Anna Kournikova, stops by the ranch to look thin and fit and work out the losers with some tennis drills. Anna leaves in time for a Pop Challenge with a prize of immunity: fill other losers' cylinders with tennis balls, last loser standing wins. Fredo (Black shirt) wins immunity.

Early weigh-in again- I love this! Having the weigh-in start during hour 1 is so fantastic; never stop this. Fredo, Brendon and Patrick have formed a bond, so decide to make a secret alliance. The yellow line is still set at the halfway mark this week, with the 8 below competing in the elimination challenge. Fredo only loses 3lbs but basically admits to the audience he played the game. Many contestants hit the week 2 blues, while some achieve greatness (no surprise, it's mostly guys with the good numbers). 5 (of 7) women fall below the yellow line and Blue Adam is declared Biggest Loser of the Week. There's another day of workouts and pep talks before the challenge- I didn't watch this much cause I really was psyched for The Good Wife. Adam chooses Aaron (Yellow) to be exempt from the elimination challenge since he definitely needs to be there. The elimination challenge is to find a brass ring in a pile of 175 tons of sand over and over until 2 people are left. The losers burrow for their ring, searching for the preciousssss. Another woman will go home this week with Tina and Lisa up for elimination, which is karma since both opened their gullets to say they wanted to go home. Tina is eliminated and I guess she'll have to try to obtain a smokin' hot swimsuit bod at home.

Survivor: Nicaragua - Over at La Flor, Brenda is able to decipher the hidden immunity idol clue so she and NaOnka head over to Tree Mail to find it. NaOnka finds the idol, hides it in her shoe, and continues to be an a-hole. In the usual guide-your-blindfolded-tribe challenge, Brenda leads her tribe to immunity and reward (courtesy of Sears: fishing gear, cooking supplies, and a tarp). Chase finds the latest immunity idol clue and shares it with Brenda and as they search for the clue, she probes Chase on if he trusts NaOnka. He's so dense so Brenda spells it out: NaOnka possesses the idol and Brenda helped her obtain it, but she begs Chase not to tell anyone (especially Nay).

Jimmy T serenades Espada with the classic "American Girl" as they roll their eyes. He's becoming more and more annoying, demanding to get more action in challenges, refusing fishing assistance, and not wanting to be the leader (yet wanting to be the star and OK, maybe leading once). Heck, Espada even practiced the blindfold challenge with Tyrone being the new leader, but the challenge was an ultimate fail. Jimmy T continues being an annoying dick and once he calls out Marty in front of the tribe, he moves to the top of Marty's shitlist. While Danny seems like a logical choice to go home since he's weak, he's a swing vote for Marty and Jill; oh and Jimmy T is sooo annoying. At Tribal Council, Jeff seems almost appalled at Danny sitting out at challenges with his bum knee. Jimmy T gets emotional at Tribal Council upon learning that maybe he's annoying and trying to hard. In the first real close vote of the season, Jimmy T is voted out 5-3.

Top Chef: Just Desserts - Gail and guest judge Gale Gand (hereby known as Gale 2) announce the Quickfire challenge: use Breyer's ice cream to make the ultimate ice cream sundae. Seth is so psyched to make his ice cream because I guess the dozen cartons of Breyer's ice cream on a table didn't click with him; "weak sauce." He's nucking futs, starts shaking, spazzing out and then throws a hissy fit in the stew room while waiting for the Quickfire to start. I guess Seth had some paper cups and believes production took them and this will ruin him. Through Zac's 1-on-1 interview we learn that Seth continued to freak out, demanded his passport, plane ticket and left the show. While the house kinda rejoices that his baby antics will be gone, they hear ambulance sirens. Seth had an anxiety attack, fainted, and 911 came to scoop him out (unintentional ice cream pun). The producers decide he's not clear to compete any more and he's out. But who will cry for the red hots now??

Back to the Quickire: the chefs drawn ice cream scoops to select their flavor. They also learn the winner gets immunity. Worst are Eric, Erica and Danielle (who made a Neopolitan with Rocky Road- gross). The favorites: Zac deep fried his ice cream in panko crumbs and Morgan had "hot" cocoa with frozen ice cream. Morgan's mint Oreo treats win, giving him the vapors since he was inspired by his son for this challenge.

Elimination challenge: working in 3 teams of 3, they must create desserts inspired by the Lucent Dossier Experience (some performance art thing). The kicker is they must also create a "flaming" dessert and a showpiece for a total wow factor, and their individual desserts must go along with the theme of the showpiece. Since there was an uneven number the show brings back Heather C, the Debbie Downer who was eliminated last week. Right away she feels her team captain, Zac, isn't a fan of her. No honey, that's me. Her confidence is lacking so she's an annoyance in the kitchen (and in their loft). She also mopes the whole time. Go away.

The Lucent Dossier Experience performs for the dessert party and it's as if Dave Navarro ran Cirque du Soleil (that means I'll take a pass on it). The judges bring Morgan, Eric, and Heather H to the table first. Morgan had immunity, yet really made an effort with some tasty sorbet. Heather aced the showpiece and the chai taste and the textures really came out in her tart (or was it a cake?) Eric ups his game and turned his roulade on the side, showing he could have some plating skills. The winner is Morgan, which does not amuse Heather H who did 2 desserts while Morgan only focused on 1. Since there were hits and misses on both remaining teams, they are called back. Yigit is chastised for not presenting the "flaming" portion of the "flaming dessert" for the judges. Zac, Malika and Heather C are called back after the other team's short debriefing. Zac's banana curry cake was surprising and pushing the envelope, though a little unfinished in presentation. Malika put saffron into panna cotta and while she is receiving her praise from Gale 2, she pipes in that she wants to be eliminated. What is with the quitters this week?? Malika is sure about her choice, despite an exceptional dessert, and peaces out. Quitter quitter chicken dinner.

Project Runway - The designers are forced to switch models and then the challenge is announced: design a look for Heidi. Hello, narcissism! It's athletic wear for New Balance and I could tell you where to buy it, but I don't want to hock Heidi's self-promotion. She constantly mentions where the line is being sold like we might forget, but in the workroom she does a great job critiquing. She also puts a sassy Mondo in his place, so he cops a 'tude. Gretchen gets a little moody too when Heidi notes that it doesn't use any of the fabric in the line, which is needed. After Heidi's critique ends she drops the most predictable bomb on the contestants: create 2 more looks. Ok, I didn't see it being 2 more looks but you had to know they'd be making another garment. Again, 90 minutes to fill. Help arrives in the form of former contestants- another duh moment as soon as they mentioned getting help. Ahh reality TV predictability.

In the workroom, Ivy and Michael C battle it out about personal issues and she claims he cheated. A realization hits him: everyone hates him and thinks he's a cheater. He's pretty upset with that. He should be more upset at his Thanksgiving color palette. Others are like STFU, let's work. Tim Gunn enters the workroom to confront the cheating rumor: apparently in the Jackie O. challenge the models and designers saw Top Stick tape in the bathroom. They told the producers after the fact and they said "too late." Tim tells them to STFU, it's a non-issue, and no cheating happened.

Top group: Mondo, April and Andy. Mondo had to dump his signature bold prints for the muted colors, but plays off geometric shapes. He includes fun headbands, which is all me. His looks are very baggy and hangy; not my style, but judges like it. April goes "high fashion but still comfortable" and of course uses black. A lot of the looks are sheer, so to me I say nahhh. The judges think it's sophisticated and modern, but color is an issue. Andy's looks are sporty and comfortable- love it! The prints are fun, but would work with Heidi's existing line. Andy wins the challenge and his 3 looks will be available with Heidi's new line of clothing on a website that shall not be named.

Bottom group: Gretchen, Michael, Christopher. Michael uses a plethora of ugly colors (orange and brown). They're overworked, over-accessorized, and it doesn't work. Christopher has never designed active wear and it's apparent. It's not even Forever 21- it's like The Rave or Deb workout gear. "Sadness personified," declares Michael Kors. Gretchen gives a back-handed remark about Heidi's line, wanting to put in some transition pieces that are "more sophisticated than a hoodie." Heidi looks so insulted. These clothes look like someone trying to be hip and seriously, a Flashdance-esque cropped top?? Christopher is eliminated for designing a "sloppy pajama party" and honestly I forget this guy is on the show each week so it's for the best.


Photo Credits: BravoTV.com, CBS.com, MyLifetime.com, NBC.com, Survivor.com

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